Wanted to let everyone know what happened
WARNING: This is going to be very long, descriptive and graphic. I am quite detail oriented and have to get it out. Also because if I can help someone who has to go through this maybe they won't have to endure such a long process as I did.
My levels had only gone down from 329 to 290 from Mon to Fri last week, really crawling, so I went ahead with the cytotec Fri night.
I took a Darvocet around 6:15 pm and inserted the first dose of Cytotec at around 7. Felt kind of out of it from the meds (I had also taken Xanax earlier in the day to try and relax) and tired so went to bed around 10, and set my alarm for 3 when it would be 8 hours and I was supposed to insert the 2nd dose if nothing had happened by then. At around 2:30 am I woke up with cramping, but when I went to the bathroom there was no blood so I decided to go ahead with the 2nd dose of Cyto. I also took another Darvocet. A while later I started half waking from cramping pain and by 4:30 was awake just laying there trying to manage the pain until DH's alarm was due to go off at 5 (He ended up having to go into work for a while). So when he got up I let him know what was going on and then he had to go downstairs to get ready for work.
A bit later I decided to go sit on the toilet. At 6 am I had just stood up and pulled my pants up and flushed when I felt a big gush, so I sat back down on the toilet quickly and felt something come out.
All this time, I was right - my baby had still been inside me and there he/she was. Luckily DH still hadn't left for work so I called him upstairs and he got our baby out. He/she wasn't in a sac. He/she looked just like what my pregnancy book said he/she would look like at between 8-9 wks. Our precious, tiny little angel with dots for eyes and finger buds.
The cramping mostly went away pretty much right after I passed the baby, but then I passed quite a bit of tissue and started bleeding - A LOT. I asked DH to look at how much blood there was but he was getting queasy by that point and said he couldn't. And unfortunately he was the one with the keys to open up at work so he had to get going. He took DS over to MIL's on his way in. So I put on a pad, went downstairs and called my very good friend (who lost a 33.5 wk old baby at 18 days old and also had a blighted ovum diagnosed at 10 wks for which she had a d&c) and talked to her. I put a towel under me on the couch because so much blood was coming out. She was concerned and called l&d at one of the area hospitals to see if that much blood was normal and the nurse said she thought I should go into ER. Well, I am very stubborn sometimes, and don't like ER at all, so I told her I just wanted to wait and call my midwife a bit later. I did so at around 8 am and she was very surprised that we had the baby. She said I had taken a lot of Cyto so a lot of bleeding was to be expected. She said not to worry unless I soaked 2-3 pads in an hour, and to just sit on the toilet for a while with some pads and towels.
So I called my gf back and talked to her a little longer and she had me drink some liquilytes since we had some from DS, then I decided to go back upstairs. DH called to check on me and I told him I was just sitting on the toilet with blood pouring out like I was peeing it, and at that point I started not feeling very well, and told him to just come home, I was going to go lay down. I headed down the hall to our bedroom and felt things going all wonky, got into our bedroom and passed out on the floor. I think I came to as soon as I passed out. I remember thinking that it wasn't a good sign and I was all alone and I had left the phone in the bathroom and I was weak and scared. I got up enough strength to crawl to get the phone and back into the bedroom to try to call my gf back but she didn't answer so I called my m/w's office again and this time they just gave me some nurse there who also said I should go to ER. I called my gf back and she answered this time and told me she was coming to get me and taking me in no matter what I said but I told her DH was on his way (they are each 30 mins from our house) and should get here before she would, so she just stayed on the phone with me. She kept telling me I had to go in and I kept telling her I was starting to feel better, and finally DH came home. I pulled myself into the bathroom with my arms (every time I moved my legs so much blood gushed out & I didn't want to keep losing more, plus I was too weak to do much else) and DH helped me onto the toilet and helped me get cleaned up. He got me clothes (I was only in a pj top and undies) and helped me get dressed and made me keep drinking water and liquilytes. By that time I had enough strength to go down the stairs with his help. He got stuff packed to go to the hospital but I kept telling him I didn't want to go if I absolutely didn't have to and I was starting to feel better, so he had the m/w paged again and she told him that she still thought everything sounded normal and wasn't surprised I had passed out because I had taken the Darvocet and got up from a sitting position to walk after losing a lot of blood. So I was relieved that she didn't think I needed to go in, but still scared that the bleeding wouldn't slow down and I would wind up having to go in after all. But DH got me a bit to eat and some Ibuprofen since I was still cramping some, and I kept drinking, and finally I was able to sleep for a bit. I felt a bit better when I woke up and every time I had to get up to go to the bathroom there was a little less blood. I spent the rest of the day on the couch and today I am feeling about 85% back to myself - physically. Many of my muscles are very sore though.
Unfortunately, having some strength back physically now means I am starting to feel things more emotionally again (I was just too weak yesterday) and I am prety much back where I was a couple weeks ago, with the emotional wreck feeling.
And, I am starting to get angry that I had to wait so long when I kept telling the nurse and m/w I didn't think I had miscarried yet but because my numbers kept coming down they kept saying that the way it had been going might just be how it was going to happen for me. I am mostly angry at myself for not asking for the Cyto sooner because I had that feeling of it not being over and now instead of being closer to starting another cycle I am 3 wks farther behind than I could be. My aunt says I should be angry with my m/w. She feels it was much too unfair and turmultuous for me to have to wait so long.
All I can really do now is hope that the Cyto got everything out (oh my gosh there was SO much, it certainly better have) and that my numbers now fall very very quickly to 0. So I would appreciate a lot of positive thoughts in that regard, and that I can finally start to heal.
We are now trying to figure out how to bury the baby, as we don't plan to stay in this house forever so we want to put him/her in something we will be able to dig up and take with us when we move. We are also going to give him/her a name and maybe do something (like read a poem, etc) when we do the burial.