meh
Sometimes I know full well I have too much pride.
Refusing to let people help me when, clearly I need the help. It's like... Paint the face on and smile through everything. I'm still struggling with my eating which sucks, but I have blood tests on Monday. Finally. I've been over tired all the time, which is surely down to the lack of food in my system... Likely low on iron or something annoying like that. I don't feel like doing anything, or going anyplace. I don't even feel like doing my stitching... Which is odd... For me.
I've had my nose stuck inside books, loosing myself the only way a good book can do. Moving from day to day, which are actually going rather fast for me. Keeping myself busy with either the books or the never ending house work. I've hardly spoken to people for almost a week now. Making small talk from time to time just to keep everyone else happy when tbh I don't even feel like doing that.
I think this year has finally beaten me down if I'm honest. And I don't feel like I can express that at home atm. I tried the other night and that didn't go down too well, usually my husband is really good with my moods and things but he's over worked and over tired himself, putting up with me shit is the icing on the cake he never wanted to bake Yano. I don't blame him, it's not his fault that I have my issues. The poor guy took me on knowing what I'm like and what more can I ask of him. He's lovely, I'm just fucked up. I should know when he's had enough and not push him. I just wish I could see these things before I know I've pushed too far. Why is it always too late. There's always some big explosion before I think.. Shit... It's not his fault.
Enough rambling. Enough self pitying. It's Christmas soon! Trees going up tomorrow. Maybe the festive month may turn this year around!
Here's hoping.