It's Getting Harder Not To Think Of You

[titbs]

-Dyed my hair green and blueish.
-Saw Grant. He has small dreds. Held him, Spoke with him. Watched his eyes move.
-Smoked a pack of Parliments.
-Had Mollie help me with my room.
-Felt ugly, disgusting, and tired.

I sware, I'm sufficating.
I have been overwhelmed with grief.
I keep feeling like I'm not good enough to Jason.
I keep thinking I'm hurting him, or not being supportive enough.
I feel like I'm too much in love.
I'm scared of an end, because everything has been so glorious.
I want to buy him the world, I want to show him the most beautiful things.
I just never feel like I'm enough.

I want to be a dream, or a fantasy.
I want to be beautiful and happy.
I want to feel like I'm worth it.

I don't want to feel so bad for people.
I don't want the ability to read pain anymore.
It's making my lines grow darker.

Everything is changing.
Unraveling my childhood in my bookcases.
I don't want to move on.
The world is vicious, and I'm growing tired of it.
I'm growing.

I'm scared of dangerous obsessions.
I'm scared of the day Koei will die.
All I want is to feel content.
I want to pour my love out, and be empty.
But then I would feel even more alone.

Take me to the beach and kiss me.
Tell me I am beautiful, cry with me.
Hold me, Fuck me.

Help me remember I'm worth it.