life is to confusing
well i keep going ot bed later and later as this week progessses and this night is no different as i keep getting home later and later whether is be band practice, sectionals, student council, working with mrs churchill to try and find a college i want to go to or a football game followed by a day of work. i feel like just saying the hell with it to college. i feel like so behind on college stuff that i will never get into a college besides community or something, i don't even know what college i want to go to and i am looking searching but they all look the same to me how am i suppose to tell the difference between them. i am so confused right now i just feel like giving up. but at the same time i am so determined to get out of this town, to get out of el paso away from my dramatic, disfunctional, family and start my life fresh, but it seems like all the odds are against me. my parents haven't even talked about going to college with me. hell i don't even think that they have any money saved up to help me go to college so if i go its all going to be on me to pay for everything. ahhh, so far my senior year has been ok, nothing to what i expected it to be, i'm hoping i am able to pull myself out of this depressed mood i'm in and look on the bright side of things but its so hard to promote self motivation. i hate being here. the only place i go when i get home is in my room, i lock myself in my room so no one can disturb me because everyone in this house is annoying me and i just want for one day to come home and have no one here, no one here to bug me, feed the fucking dog at 7 o clock, can you do me a favor, take out the trash, do this, clean the kitchen, can you do me a favor, feed the dog. same shit everyday i just want to come home to an empty house where no one can bother me where i can just be here to myself without any distractions or anyone constantly nagging on my ass to do other things. 3 weeks into the school year and i'm alrady breaking down. how sad. my glasses broke and my mom will probably forget to call the eye people tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that until i remind her several times. i've been telling her since febuary i need to go to the dentist and i still haven't gone. i don't forsee getting new glasses anytime soon so i'll just continue to tape the lense so it stays on until i do.