I got a black belt in Keepin it real. lol.
above is just one the teeshirts i was looking at on Urban Outfitters, they have the best teeshirts.
Life hasn't been that great recently. Eriks been back home, but I don't get to see him often.. he's also changed a lot.. which we all have, I guess I notice it in him a bit more since I don't see him every single day.
The majority of my day was goodness. I dunno where it really started.. lol.. the last two days have been pretty much one day with like very few hours of sleep here and there. But the main event of the day was shopping in Bloomington with Bu and Dig.. we love going there because we don't have to see people we kno.. and people we kno don't work at the stores to make us feel all subconsious.. I dunno it's just stress FREE when we shop there.. oh and it helped that we all had money to spend. We must have spent.. over an hour in American Eagle.. lol i mean between the three of us.. i think we tried on a good portion of the store.. lol and blake left with a good portion of the store. I mean we were at that mall from like 6-850.. very very sucessful trip. Me and dig got matching Hurly cowboy hats for riding this summer, awesomeness fer sure.
Other then that .. i've been spending a lot of time with tommy.. prolly because him and blake are the only boys who seems to laugh at the same things I do.. i don't just mean the jokes about other people.. i mean the real stupid shit.. ... I think what makes and breaks my friendships and relationships is ur kind of humor. Because if I didn't laugh as much as I do in life.. i'd go crazy.
Speaking of going crazy.. every few days.. i'll talk to my aunt for a few eithero n the phone or i'll go see her at work.. and we've been talking a lot about what to do with my life.. and we played the 'what do u see in my future .. if i keep doing this same thing'.. and her answer wasn't at all what i wanted to hear.. but prolly what i needed to hear. She's afraid my life is going to be some real bad will and grace episode. It kinda hurt to hear that.. but .. maybe it's what I need to hear. I just dunno what to do.. I know what I want in life.. i can taste it.. but for some reason when it comes to taking actions.. i can't.. okay it's not that i can't.. it's that i talk myself in and out of everything.. i lose focus.. and my plans always end up to shit. I need to get self control... make decsions and stick with them. Pull some strength and be a fucking strong person. I mean even when i'm by myself i feind myself looking at my life and start crying. And i know i need to do something about it.. and i'll make a pla nin my mind.. but then.. after a week.. i forget.. i lose focus.. and it's just back to this same shit. I love my friends so much, because they are my family.. and i kno my biggest fault is my heart.. but why can't i just give to MYSELF.. why can't i give ME the body i want.. give ME the attitude toward my future that i know i have in me somewhere.
But the reality is the only thing i can do.. is make the plan again...... and try AGAIN to do what I need/want to do.
God, we don't talk much .. but I really need you to believe in me... and give me strength to do what I need to do. I've made it over all the hills thus far.. and i really want, what i do.. i just need a bit of extra help from you.
Night.
Life hasn't been that great recently. Eriks been back home, but I don't get to see him often.. he's also changed a lot.. which we all have, I guess I notice it in him a bit more since I don't see him every single day.
The majority of my day was goodness. I dunno where it really started.. lol.. the last two days have been pretty much one day with like very few hours of sleep here and there. But the main event of the day was shopping in Bloomington with Bu and Dig.. we love going there because we don't have to see people we kno.. and people we kno don't work at the stores to make us feel all subconsious.. I dunno it's just stress FREE when we shop there.. oh and it helped that we all had money to spend. We must have spent.. over an hour in American Eagle.. lol i mean between the three of us.. i think we tried on a good portion of the store.. lol and blake left with a good portion of the store. I mean we were at that mall from like 6-850.. very very sucessful trip. Me and dig got matching Hurly cowboy hats for riding this summer, awesomeness fer sure.
Other then that .. i've been spending a lot of time with tommy.. prolly because him and blake are the only boys who seems to laugh at the same things I do.. i don't just mean the jokes about other people.. i mean the real stupid shit.. ... I think what makes and breaks my friendships and relationships is ur kind of humor. Because if I didn't laugh as much as I do in life.. i'd go crazy.
Speaking of going crazy.. every few days.. i'll talk to my aunt for a few eithero n the phone or i'll go see her at work.. and we've been talking a lot about what to do with my life.. and we played the 'what do u see in my future .. if i keep doing this same thing'.. and her answer wasn't at all what i wanted to hear.. but prolly what i needed to hear. She's afraid my life is going to be some real bad will and grace episode. It kinda hurt to hear that.. but .. maybe it's what I need to hear. I just dunno what to do.. I know what I want in life.. i can taste it.. but for some reason when it comes to taking actions.. i can't.. okay it's not that i can't.. it's that i talk myself in and out of everything.. i lose focus.. and my plans always end up to shit. I need to get self control... make decsions and stick with them. Pull some strength and be a fucking strong person. I mean even when i'm by myself i feind myself looking at my life and start crying. And i know i need to do something about it.. and i'll make a pla nin my mind.. but then.. after a week.. i forget.. i lose focus.. and it's just back to this same shit. I love my friends so much, because they are my family.. and i kno my biggest fault is my heart.. but why can't i just give to MYSELF.. why can't i give ME the body i want.. give ME the attitude toward my future that i know i have in me somewhere.
But the reality is the only thing i can do.. is make the plan again...... and try AGAIN to do what I need/want to do.
God, we don't talk much .. but I really need you to believe in me... and give me strength to do what I need to do. I've made it over all the hills thus far.. and i really want, what i do.. i just need a bit of extra help from you.
Night.