look how they shine for you...
i forgot how beautiful the night sky is. the last time i was lying under the big expanse of stars and darkness was at botanical gardens with the blondies. i was out tonight with someone i used to like- talking like we used to- *drum roll*- it was J. remember J? sinnie, i know you completely loathe J- prolly for very legit reasons.
anyway, sitting under the night sky, talking and confiding- something we used to do so often and somehow it all stopped. i can't remember who got tired of who first. just that things change- people change- relationships are transient. even me. any residual feelings i thought i had for J has disappeared as i talked about T.
this brings me back to this really insane fear of not knowing whether to trust my feelings anymore. J made me happy for that short period when i was going through some changes in my life- and she showed some semblance of care and concern- even for a while. am i just a narcissistic, selfish girl? someone who needs alot of love and affection (whether i'm right or wrong...).
is T someone else to take over the succession of people who i perceive as the person who could potentially fill up some void/ lack? i guess the real difference (and this is what scares me)- T might just be the person whom i like as much as T fancies me. T caught me by surprise- it was never my intention to be more than friends- it didn't occur to me to look at T that way- it just happened.
but like Marcus says, 6 months is a looooooooooong time for T to come back home- for things to fuck up as well. on the other hand- it's just enough time to continue knowing each other more- and come december - if things are still good- this might just mean something worthwhile- for the both of us.