(no subject)
I was sending off an email, tying up a loose end, romance-wise, from my year away. The romantic endeavour happened in the last few weeks, just before my return to Perth.
The email started well enough, all about the "it was fun while it lasted", "i hope we can be friends!" and all that shit. And then the more I wrote, the more stuff started coming out and I realised that I had convinced myself that this was a casual fling thing, whatever.
But, it turns out it really wasn't. Why can we never lie to ourselves for long? (or just for long ENOUGH)
By the end of the email, I was sort of panicky and then I sent it off before I got too freaked out and deleted it all.
I don't really "fall" (or even stumble) for people very easily and definitely not at all often. Sure, I'm attracted to a fair amount of people (i DO have SOME standards), but it usually fizzles remarkably quickly. And yes, that it had to happen just before my return to Perth is annoying.
But so is the fact that I had almost gotten away with convincing myself it didn't mean anything to me. Well it did. And now I'm angry and wishing he was here so I could bury my head in his nook (you know, between his chin and shoulder) and smell him. I really miss being able to smell him.
Fuck this shit.
I need stimulants.
The email started well enough, all about the "it was fun while it lasted", "i hope we can be friends!" and all that shit. And then the more I wrote, the more stuff started coming out and I realised that I had convinced myself that this was a casual fling thing, whatever.
But, it turns out it really wasn't. Why can we never lie to ourselves for long? (or just for long ENOUGH)
By the end of the email, I was sort of panicky and then I sent it off before I got too freaked out and deleted it all.
I don't really "fall" (or even stumble) for people very easily and definitely not at all often. Sure, I'm attracted to a fair amount of people (i DO have SOME standards), but it usually fizzles remarkably quickly. And yes, that it had to happen just before my return to Perth is annoying.
But so is the fact that I had almost gotten away with convincing myself it didn't mean anything to me. Well it did. And now I'm angry and wishing he was here so I could bury my head in his nook (you know, between his chin and shoulder) and smell him. I really miss being able to smell him.
Fuck this shit.
I need stimulants.