(no subject)
So..
It's kind of hard for me to just come on the computer lately,and especially for me to write in here.But guess what?Im not gunna stop,because I freaking love livejournal haha ,and then I'll have this time gap and it will feel all weird.
Im not even going to discuss the trouble that went on between Ryan's parents and I yesterday.And dont ask me to discuss it either!I think if I just stop telling people then maybe I will stop getting upset so freaking much!
Im just so happy that Ryan and I can be friends,and to know that he loves me and he will always love me.And that's how I feel about him too..but I MIGHT (not saying he dosent for sure)love him more than he loves me right now.
I know it is going to take time for not just me,but him too..to adjust to this and to feel better.I understand that Im not the only one hurting right now because I know he is too.Even he said he can hardly eat..I know that I find it hard to watch tv,eat,come on the computer,even sit in my room or listen to music because every single thing reminds me of him! But I guess its not that bad,because its not like he left me for another woman and its not like he isnt ever going to speak to me again.
SO....
This morning before lunch Ryan cameup.Had a mini talk with mom,he said he'd go with me to the hospital on wednesday morning to get my blood done..because he knows that I need him to be there with me because I am terrified.I feel kinda bad for putting him in that situation because I know he's not big on hospitals..but I would do it for him.Personaly I think he should get his checked too,to see if he has diabites or anything.Because I really think he does.But that's his choice.
So then we went to Tim Hortons and got a hot chocolate.Talked a lot,tried to be positive.He said that apparently his dad is really sorry about lastnight,and that basically it was all his mom's fault..And I kind of believe it haha.I never had a problem with him in the past,just this weekend.
Then he tried to take me to see the accident.I guess it was his uncle driving the 18-wheeler that apparently ran off the road and on top of a truck.I wonder who was in the truck and if they are okay now?His uncle was fine.
Then he dropped me off.
Came in the house and found mom in my freaking room cleaning hahah!I was kinda pissed,but o'well at least she's trying to help.Kind of helped her a bit.Then we got ready and went to town.Saw Stephen and Ry at the gas station.Steve came over and asked me if I was doing okay,gave me a hug and said he's here for me.So that made me almost cry...but I didnt!haha.Then we went to Frenchys.Mom got some jeans..ya,if they dont fit her..Mana they might fit you.Theyre pretty nice too.Then came home.
Then Ashley and Andrew and I went to visit nanny and grampie because theyre going to visit our cousins in Ontario tomorrow.They started asking if Ryan was working and it was so werid because I had figured that they already knew.So I had to tell them.I dnno,I kind of wish I didnt..but at least it's over with now.Im still giving Ryan his chocolate easter bunny too :P
Then came home.Layed on the couch,talked to dad on the phone,ate some pizza for supper,layed some more and now Im here trying to do stuff.haha.
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Tomorrow..I dunno what's happening.Im not gunna go to school again tho.I think Im going with mom and Nanny early in the morning to take gramp to the hospital and then go for a 'coffee' or something since Im not getting my blood done tmorrow.Maybe mom and I will go to the gym..Im just nervous about Michelle praying to me or whatever haha.I know its kind of mean to say,but it kind of freaks me out sometimes!I guess she means well tho.Im glad that mom and I have someone to help us with losing weight.Its nice to have someone there.At first when Ryan and I split-up or whatever he calls it (but I wont let him call it breaking up..because its a break kind of...well ya,i hope something good will come out of this) I told myself I was gunna stop working out and I was gunna wear frumpy clothes and no makeup because I didnt feel beautiful anymore and I never want another boyfriend.Ryan made me feel beautiful and worth it.But Im gunna try now (not to get another boyfriend tho! unless its Ryan again! haha..I dont feel like anyone would want me anyways..after how gross i am and all the things they probably heard about me being a control freak or something..and also that if the best guy in the world dosent want me right now whoelse would?).That will make me look strong..because I am trying to be strong.
------
Wednesday morning Ryan said he'd go with me to get my blood done.Im so scared,I really am.That experience I had when I was younger where they couldnt find the vein and squeezed the hell out of my arm trumatized me for life.Im gunna ball my eyes out I just know it!Thats why I want Ryan with me because he makes me feel stronger...werid I know,but it's true.I feel like he believes in me.Then I dunno.I hope he will come see me a bit before work,but I dunno..cant get my hopes up.Maybe one or both of the twins will comeover and spend some time with me like I asked :)
----
MIGHT go back to school thursday,I dunno.
---
Friday,I dunno what's going on.Im sure Ryan will go get drunk with Stephen :| Steve said he was gunna get him drunk.He shouldnt be telling me these things so soon into this because it makes me really scared and upset that he's gunna go sleep with some girl or something if he's drunk.And he said he didnt want to get into anything this soon anyways.Be being insecure,but really..anyone would be right now.
--
Going to Bridgewater saturday night with Ryan for 7ish.Then maybe we could go to a movie or something,or rent a movie and watch it at home.That would be nice.
---
Cya later
<3TIFFxoxo
It's kind of hard for me to just come on the computer lately,and especially for me to write in here.But guess what?Im not gunna stop,because I freaking love livejournal haha ,and then I'll have this time gap and it will feel all weird.
Im not even going to discuss the trouble that went on between Ryan's parents and I yesterday.And dont ask me to discuss it either!I think if I just stop telling people then maybe I will stop getting upset so freaking much!
Im just so happy that Ryan and I can be friends,and to know that he loves me and he will always love me.And that's how I feel about him too..but I MIGHT (not saying he dosent for sure)love him more than he loves me right now.
I know it is going to take time for not just me,but him too..to adjust to this and to feel better.I understand that Im not the only one hurting right now because I know he is too.Even he said he can hardly eat..I know that I find it hard to watch tv,eat,come on the computer,even sit in my room or listen to music because every single thing reminds me of him! But I guess its not that bad,because its not like he left me for another woman and its not like he isnt ever going to speak to me again.
SO....
This morning before lunch Ryan cameup.Had a mini talk with mom,he said he'd go with me to the hospital on wednesday morning to get my blood done..because he knows that I need him to be there with me because I am terrified.I feel kinda bad for putting him in that situation because I know he's not big on hospitals..but I would do it for him.Personaly I think he should get his checked too,to see if he has diabites or anything.Because I really think he does.But that's his choice.
So then we went to Tim Hortons and got a hot chocolate.Talked a lot,tried to be positive.He said that apparently his dad is really sorry about lastnight,and that basically it was all his mom's fault..And I kind of believe it haha.I never had a problem with him in the past,just this weekend.
Then he tried to take me to see the accident.I guess it was his uncle driving the 18-wheeler that apparently ran off the road and on top of a truck.I wonder who was in the truck and if they are okay now?His uncle was fine.
Then he dropped me off.
Came in the house and found mom in my freaking room cleaning hahah!I was kinda pissed,but o'well at least she's trying to help.Kind of helped her a bit.Then we got ready and went to town.Saw Stephen and Ry at the gas station.Steve came over and asked me if I was doing okay,gave me a hug and said he's here for me.So that made me almost cry...but I didnt!haha.Then we went to Frenchys.Mom got some jeans..ya,if they dont fit her..Mana they might fit you.Theyre pretty nice too.Then came home.
Then Ashley and Andrew and I went to visit nanny and grampie because theyre going to visit our cousins in Ontario tomorrow.They started asking if Ryan was working and it was so werid because I had figured that they already knew.So I had to tell them.I dnno,I kind of wish I didnt..but at least it's over with now.Im still giving Ryan his chocolate easter bunny too :P
Then came home.Layed on the couch,talked to dad on the phone,ate some pizza for supper,layed some more and now Im here trying to do stuff.haha.
-------
Tomorrow..I dunno what's happening.Im not gunna go to school again tho.I think Im going with mom and Nanny early in the morning to take gramp to the hospital and then go for a 'coffee' or something since Im not getting my blood done tmorrow.Maybe mom and I will go to the gym..Im just nervous about Michelle praying to me or whatever haha.I know its kind of mean to say,but it kind of freaks me out sometimes!I guess she means well tho.Im glad that mom and I have someone to help us with losing weight.Its nice to have someone there.At first when Ryan and I split-up or whatever he calls it (but I wont let him call it breaking up..because its a break kind of...well ya,i hope something good will come out of this) I told myself I was gunna stop working out and I was gunna wear frumpy clothes and no makeup because I didnt feel beautiful anymore and I never want another boyfriend.Ryan made me feel beautiful and worth it.But Im gunna try now (not to get another boyfriend tho! unless its Ryan again! haha..I dont feel like anyone would want me anyways..after how gross i am and all the things they probably heard about me being a control freak or something..and also that if the best guy in the world dosent want me right now whoelse would?).That will make me look strong..because I am trying to be strong.
------
Wednesday morning Ryan said he'd go with me to get my blood done.Im so scared,I really am.That experience I had when I was younger where they couldnt find the vein and squeezed the hell out of my arm trumatized me for life.Im gunna ball my eyes out I just know it!Thats why I want Ryan with me because he makes me feel stronger...werid I know,but it's true.I feel like he believes in me.Then I dunno.I hope he will come see me a bit before work,but I dunno..cant get my hopes up.Maybe one or both of the twins will comeover and spend some time with me like I asked :)
----
MIGHT go back to school thursday,I dunno.
---
Friday,I dunno what's going on.Im sure Ryan will go get drunk with Stephen :| Steve said he was gunna get him drunk.He shouldnt be telling me these things so soon into this because it makes me really scared and upset that he's gunna go sleep with some girl or something if he's drunk.And he said he didnt want to get into anything this soon anyways.Be being insecure,but really..anyone would be right now.
--
Going to Bridgewater saturday night with Ryan for 7ish.Then maybe we could go to a movie or something,or rent a movie and watch it at home.That would be nice.
---
Cya later
<3TIFFxoxo