X marks the spot
I have been cheating on my live journal with a real journal. I wrote something in it that had such an effect on one of my friends that I have to share it with the masses.
----I have been thinking about love again. Not my love life just love in general and the concepts of it. I have a friend who is seemingly miserable because she has yet to find another that she can call mate. At the opposing end I have a co-worker who has a wife and three children. He functions like a robot, the mechanisms inside him are only used with one function: the satisfaction of everyone else. Of course, most types of machinery have a few types of self-preserving mechanisms. Things would break down so much swifter were there not such safeguards.
Such duality between these two. Can anyone ever be happy? I want to find the compromise between these two concepts. This man epitomizes all of my fears on his end of relativity. That true love, my concept of true love can be compared to the incomprehensibility of the infinite universe. A myth-like concept that must exist but without tangible realities. My concept of true love and infinity are starting to both belong in the same category of comprehension.
For Love though, obviously without proof or comprehension all that is left is a certain principle of love: No faith, no love.
To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hopes that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. -Erich Fromm
Unfortunately faith seems foolish when this comparison comes into play.
Sacred Treasure
That when you meet someone it is as if they are giving you a treasure map. Faith, desire and excitement combine into one beautifully tormenting emotion; Passion. So it is passion that stands thee accused of love's catalyst. Passion that is immediately created once someone starts that endeavor, the journey of another's map. Faith playing the part to pivot you towards the X, the promised treasure. Desire plays the part in the middle. Desire for the X, to reach it and obtain it. Excitement plays the most important part. What? You think that I am going to refer excitement to the X as well? Not at all. Excitement is constantly obtained while on the journey. Were there no excitement the journey would seem like an obligation rather than something worthwhile.
A Fact: There can never be any satisfaction with desire because all that can ever be obtained is another starting point for further desires. Like each dot on the path towards the X.
This fact is what puts excitement in such an important position. It is the one of the three parts of Passion that has the greatest potential for growth. What about faith you ask? Ah yes, that is the tragedy of it all. Once reaching the X, the 'goal', the purpose of the journey, most people do not see any treasure that would be of any desire. So the assumption of buried treasure is made.
Dig. Dig a little more. Still can't find it? Um, hmm? Just keep digging right? It's bound to be there if you just keep digging. Yeah, that's right, just keep digging with that faith of yours.
The journey was not for the X. Not the one that is marked. The answer to this enigma is this: The X should be the map; The map is the X all along. The proof? Unrequited love never dies. It is a map without an X. The journey can cease or it can continue infinitely. [ Wrong map though. The pain involved should be the obvious sign that you have the wrong map. This is sometimes hard to admit and that is when you should consider that desire + excitement + pain = masochistic characteristics. For those of you in question there is a map for you too so you should consider returning the map that you have stolen.]
All of this that has been written might seem like an agenda against marriage and/or family life. [I would like to conceit myself that the following lines are profound inexperienced wisdom] It should definitely be noted that any bond between two people with marriage as the goal, the 2.5 kids as a goal, the white picket fence (complete with roses that match the front door) as a goal, or afore mentioned X, is the most self-destructive mindset to possibly have. This creates a stopping point. An end. It limits something that before was limitless.
Begin digging.
The X ends the journey which discontinues any excitement. Excitement is still the KEY component of Passion and if excitment cannot be obtained then Passion WILL burn out.
Are you still journeying or are you digging? Upon the admission of digging and upon the declaration that the goal is the journey, one has obligated their mate to create another map for the journey to commence. Not an impossibility but inappropriate to request. In these rare cases the two somehow manage to dig towards each other. Quite lovely really.
Are you still journeying or are you digging? Be honest with yourself. Look up from that hole you are in. Climb out, nothing is stopping you. It has probably been awhile since you have been able to feel your arms but rest assured, they still work.
I find this comforting that I now have an insight for that compromising position relative to the two most common tragic conditions of love. Perhaps now I know what to say when my moment will arrive:
"Come with me. Take my hand and journey at my side to destination unknown and if we must place an X on each other we will journey toward each other's soul, in which lies infinity"----------------------
The friend that I mentioned that read my journal was in fact the robot co-worker. He said that it was a slap in the face. That I had just described his life. My journal reflected him and I highly suspect that he did not like what he saw in his reflection. He left his wife a week later. I feel flattered that something that I wrote had such a strong reaction from someone but I really wish that it could have been some other reaction. Who am I kidding, my other common name is Ms. Fortune. I prove it once more. Was I a misfortune in the end or was I Ms. Fortune?