Lets see how this works....
Well, I thought i might as well write some shit down about my life currently. This is probably not the best place to do it, but it is still a medium of expressing what is going on right now.
I feel as tho i am in a rut lately. Probably for the past 2 months. Ever since i broke up with Simone. I don't know what it is, but all i have been doing lately is going to work, going home, and fucking feeling my ass grow. I constantly feel like doing something, getting out, but none of my friends either want to, or they can't decided what to do. Deciding what to do is as much my duty as it is theirs; it comes down to what my friends feel/like to do never coincide with what everyone else wants to do. So we either end up sitting at someones house being bored out of our brains or doing nothing at all. RAWR!
Everyone probably knows about the shit that is going on between me, my mom, and my dad. I am scared shitless of what is going to happen. I know I am going to have to move out eventually. I just don't want eventually to come so soon. I know in my heart i can survive. It is just convincing my brain of that fact. I don't want things to go any longer, because i am scared i will just curl up in a ball and start sucking my thumb. I care more about what my mom is going through right now then what shit is happening with me because of all this. I have known and watched for a while my dad subtly screwing my mom financially and emotionally. It has come to the breaking point, and my mom is killing herself physically over it. I hate it so much. I care for her beyond anything in the world. I just don't show it usually. I am too quite for my own good.
I just want to say for the umpteenth time, I am sorry Simone. I am/was an idiot for doing that to you. I have been going in circles lately on how I feel. I love you, i love you not, i love you.....There's some times when i just say to myself just give it up and move on. It'll be better in the long run. Other times, I wonder how i gave something that intelligent and beautiful up. I was thinking tonight about what is going on. with my love life. I think I feel like all i need is a fuck buddy. I don't think i can deal with a relationship now. Things are just too messy and i don't know where I am. You obviously wouldn't not want to be a fuck buddy. You are better then that. Much better.
I am sorry if you had the patience to read this. I suck at writing things down. I just felt like i needed to do something.
P.S. I found the one and only and NEW roundabout in west van! scared the shit out of me!
I feel as tho i am in a rut lately. Probably for the past 2 months. Ever since i broke up with Simone. I don't know what it is, but all i have been doing lately is going to work, going home, and fucking feeling my ass grow. I constantly feel like doing something, getting out, but none of my friends either want to, or they can't decided what to do. Deciding what to do is as much my duty as it is theirs; it comes down to what my friends feel/like to do never coincide with what everyone else wants to do. So we either end up sitting at someones house being bored out of our brains or doing nothing at all. RAWR!
Everyone probably knows about the shit that is going on between me, my mom, and my dad. I am scared shitless of what is going to happen. I know I am going to have to move out eventually. I just don't want eventually to come so soon. I know in my heart i can survive. It is just convincing my brain of that fact. I don't want things to go any longer, because i am scared i will just curl up in a ball and start sucking my thumb. I care more about what my mom is going through right now then what shit is happening with me because of all this. I have known and watched for a while my dad subtly screwing my mom financially and emotionally. It has come to the breaking point, and my mom is killing herself physically over it. I hate it so much. I care for her beyond anything in the world. I just don't show it usually. I am too quite for my own good.
I just want to say for the umpteenth time, I am sorry Simone. I am/was an idiot for doing that to you. I have been going in circles lately on how I feel. I love you, i love you not, i love you.....There's some times when i just say to myself just give it up and move on. It'll be better in the long run. Other times, I wonder how i gave something that intelligent and beautiful up. I was thinking tonight about what is going on. with my love life. I think I feel like all i need is a fuck buddy. I don't think i can deal with a relationship now. Things are just too messy and i don't know where I am. You obviously wouldn't not want to be a fuck buddy. You are better then that. Much better.
I am sorry if you had the patience to read this. I suck at writing things down. I just felt like i needed to do something.
P.S. I found the one and only and NEW roundabout in west van! scared the shit out of me!