This day in 1922 ..
Papa, I'm glad you wrote things down.
I love that through your dedication to keeping a detailed planner, I get to hold on to your thoughts, your memories, your handwriting.. I get to hold on to the years of your life during which we were closest, and in a way, I feel like I get to hold on to the very sound of your voice.
Reading through your calendar keeps me up some nights... I can't stop flipping through the days- counting the number of times you visited granny's grave and the number of times you played solitare on your computer. I've followed the patterns of your bowling scores every Wednesday and laughed each time you commented on your new hearing aids. I like knowing what you ate for dinner on this day two years ago and I'm delighted each time I see my name come up.. whether you were mailing me a letter, or receiving the shirts I'd made you..
I love holding on to every simple memory of you old man.. because I miss you. I miss you so, so much. I know I speak honestly, and tearfully, for my entire family when I say that we wish you were here today. I think 86 years is a long and impressive lifespan.. but I wanted to celebrate 87 with you. Hell, I wanted to celebrate 105 with you... because that's just how amazing you were sweet Papa. Your love for life is reflected in every picture I see of you, every letter of yours that I saved.. and in every memory I shared with you- and the grip I've placed on those memories is as firm as they come.
I celebrate you today because that's what you would want- and because the moments you spent with us were full of joy, love and laughter. But I feel a little broken today because the longing to go see you, the longing to mail you a letter, the longing to make you a new t-shirt.. all of those things are still there. It's still hard some days to completely digest the fact that we've given our last hugs and shared our last stories. It's a painful thing to accept that you're gone, and I imagine it will be for a while.
I'm grateful for every little piece of you that you left with us- from photographs to calendars, jokes, stories, poems and Earlisms... I cherish the ways in which they remind me of your devotion, your integrity, your enthusiasm, and your love. I cherish the ways they remind me of the incredible relationship that I was blessed to have with you.
Happy Birthday dear Papa, I love and miss you deeply.