(no subject)
Starting to not see the point in my account on here, not liek I get many responses, and the "community" where is it?
I only ever write on here when I'm upset, never when I'm happy - time to change that!!!
Okay - today;
Only went into college to finish off some work for tutorial, mwahaha didnt have any lessons, so i got a massive lie in! The weather was glorious, god I've missed the sun, (starting to think I have S.A.D.)
Went to the cinema with P after college to see The Woman in Black (or whatever it's called), decent film, was nice to have someone to see a movie with, he's lovely to me. But i honestly don't know what I'm doing, I think in time I could grow to have proper feelings for him, but for now, I'm happy being single. I don't want the commitment, I don't want the stress of it all. I know it sounds silly, and I know he wouldn't cheat if we were together, I just can't be bothered putting myself through the stress of a relationship, especially after all my past experience with bf's has been that they've cheated on me. It's hard to trust fully, after being cheated on so much and two timed. Yeah I hold onto my issues for far to long, and I find it hard to let go of things, but I guess that's just part of being me. I learn from my experiences, whether it takes me a minute or over a year, but I don't forget.
He'd be a lovely bf I think, he treats me right, compliments me etc. But atm, it's less stress to be friends, there isn't the dependency that sometimes happens, that I really can't be chewed with, i like how chilled this is, how i can relax about it. I think what's holding me back is that I'm not fully over A, don't know how long that's gonna take, but there's a few things I haven't come to terms with yet, a few things I'm holding onto. Plus - I like being single, a lot. I love the freedom, not being tied down, not being expected to go certain places on certain days. Not having the routine of seeing someone on a scheduled basis. Plus, though he is lovely, ad I don't have a "type" he's not the kinda guy I'd normally go for. Seems I tend to go for the ones who'll hurt me, I think I'll probably end up hurting him, again. Which I don't want :/
But we'll see, like I said, he's lovely, probably the guy who'll treat me the best, make me happy, just i need time yet :)