No, I Haven't Come Out For a While
I feel like this whole year has successfully sucked the soul out of me. I feel so incredibly broken, I doubt I have the vernacular to describe it. I'm just in dismay that I've actually let it bring me this far down. Here I am, at the end of possibly the shittiest year I've ever had, no job, no money, barely a place to live, barely managing to see friends. None of it is right. None of it's right and I have no one to blame but myself. Yeah, college is supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be where you meet the people you'll love for the rest of your life. It's also supposed to be where you transition from being a thug of a kid to a responsible adult. Somehow I missed the memo. Seriously, I feel like I just want to quit, but that won't get me where I want to go, which, of course, makes me wonder just how badly I really want to get there. Seriously, I've never thought of doing anything other than teaching. Specifically, I want to teach music. However, it's not practical. So, what else is there? I could to social studies or English. I think. I also want to have a business on the side. Something that sparks my interest. That's why I wanted to open a cafe/diner/restaurant. It's just so sad. I really feel like taking a break.
The easiest way to take a break would be to go back home and work at the grocery store, save up some money, and come back when some debt has been taken care of. But what happens then? How many people to I lose? Damn my complete and utter dependency on the people down here. The fact of the matter is I can't go back home. I'm already too far from where I was to go back. Sounds silly, but it's true. There really is no place for me back there. Yes, I'll always have my parents and my sisters, but that's not where I belong.
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of not doing the work involved. I guess I'll just have to find a way to make it work.
The easiest way to take a break would be to go back home and work at the grocery store, save up some money, and come back when some debt has been taken care of. But what happens then? How many people to I lose? Damn my complete and utter dependency on the people down here. The fact of the matter is I can't go back home. I'm already too far from where I was to go back. Sounds silly, but it's true. There really is no place for me back there. Yes, I'll always have my parents and my sisters, but that's not where I belong.
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of not doing the work involved. I guess I'll just have to find a way to make it work.