I just wanted to tell you good luck...we're all counting on you.
There are some families you can look at and know they will either be with you for the long-haul, they will lose their kids, or they will be back in a matter of months. Here's the funny thing about it: what brought them to CPS focus is rarely a factor.
Motivation and actions speaking louder than words: no matter how much a parent talks about the lengths they will go to have their child returned, their actions always speak louder. You can talk for hours about your determination and motivation, but if you talk to me on the phone and say that you can't visit your own child unless CPS or the county pays for it, I'm not seeing much motivation from you.
Personal responsibility: if you're involved with us because you are neglecting or hurting your child and you find some way to blame it on someone else, then you usually cannot make the changes necessary to regain your child. Why should you when it's obviously someone else who needs to change? I've had parents flat-out say if the reporting source hadn't called us about how they were leaving their 3-year-old in the house for hours on end, then it never would have become an issue.
Desire to be resourceful: if you expect the county or whatever agency to hand you everything rather than seek it out for yourself, well, one way or another you're going to be involved with us again. Period.
These are just a couple ones, but these are the big ones. I've seen some incredibly awful cases since beginning at CPS/CYS, and these are the main factors that determine how the rest of the family's time with us is going to go.
Why did I post this here? Because I'm determined to try to make these applicable to my own life. No matter what your dreams are, unless you can be motivated in actions as well as words, take personal responsibility, and be actively resourceful rather than seek hand-outs, you can't get too far...unless you have incredible luck. Alas, I don't.
I tend to be...well...not as good as I would like with these attributes. I have these shoved in my face almost every day, though, and I see how lives are ruined just because the parent refuses to admit that maybe they have an issue they need to work out before they can move on with their lives and be a positive role in their child's life. I also see, in my personal life, people living a complacent, half-hearted life, even while they admit they're not happy. My big ones are personal responsibility (one day I will quit blaming genetics...really) and actually doing what needs to be done. I have plenty of unfinished stories which can attest to that. :D
This entry was originally posted at http://tir-synni.dreamwidth.org/13321.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Motivation and actions speaking louder than words: no matter how much a parent talks about the lengths they will go to have their child returned, their actions always speak louder. You can talk for hours about your determination and motivation, but if you talk to me on the phone and say that you can't visit your own child unless CPS or the county pays for it, I'm not seeing much motivation from you.
Personal responsibility: if you're involved with us because you are neglecting or hurting your child and you find some way to blame it on someone else, then you usually cannot make the changes necessary to regain your child. Why should you when it's obviously someone else who needs to change? I've had parents flat-out say if the reporting source hadn't called us about how they were leaving their 3-year-old in the house for hours on end, then it never would have become an issue.
Desire to be resourceful: if you expect the county or whatever agency to hand you everything rather than seek it out for yourself, well, one way or another you're going to be involved with us again. Period.
These are just a couple ones, but these are the big ones. I've seen some incredibly awful cases since beginning at CPS/CYS, and these are the main factors that determine how the rest of the family's time with us is going to go.
Why did I post this here? Because I'm determined to try to make these applicable to my own life. No matter what your dreams are, unless you can be motivated in actions as well as words, take personal responsibility, and be actively resourceful rather than seek hand-outs, you can't get too far...unless you have incredible luck. Alas, I don't.
I tend to be...well...not as good as I would like with these attributes. I have these shoved in my face almost every day, though, and I see how lives are ruined just because the parent refuses to admit that maybe they have an issue they need to work out before they can move on with their lives and be a positive role in their child's life. I also see, in my personal life, people living a complacent, half-hearted life, even while they admit they're not happy. My big ones are personal responsibility (one day I will quit blaming genetics...really) and actually doing what needs to be done. I have plenty of unfinished stories which can attest to that. :D
This entry was originally posted at http://tir-synni.dreamwidth.org/13321.html. Please comment there using OpenID.