woah, long time.
i got to thinking this weekend in san diego and i can't believe who i was in highschool, or up until about a year ago actually. i mean, i guess i needed all those years of being lost and confused and blah blah blah, but everything feels so different now. and so good. i'm strong and independent and absolutely in love with myself. there's plenty more i need to work on with myself, but for now, this is enough. it's more than enough. and it's changed everything.
sometimes i still feel fucking pathetic for not being where i "should" be, but it's all a lot easier to deal with when you can look in the mirror and say "helllllll yeah you rule, baby"
ellen degeneres also helped me feel a lot better today about just kinda floating in life right now. it's on her "here and now" dvd, about procrastination and how there's really nothing wrong with it because by doing everything now and so fast, you're really only doing it because you hope at the end of your day, or your life, whatever, that you'll have this big chunk of time to do nothing because you never wasted time. well, you're not ever guaranteed that chunk of time at the end of everything so in the words of ellen, "procrastinate now, don't put it off." enjoy what's real.
think about it, we (hopefully) have our whole lives ahead of us. but in this life ahead of us comes work and great responsibility. it's not a bad thing, but do i really want to start all that so soon? when am i ever gonna get the chance again to just hang out watching movies and smoking weed and being with my friends, or even just alone for hours? yeah, maybe other people are over it by now because they're older, but 20 is not fucking "older" to me. i don't wanna be busy, i don't wanna be rushed, i want to just relax and be able to sit outside at night for an hour thinking about how crazy the stars are, or wake up in the morning and do whatever the fuck i want because nobody else gets to tell me yet. that time will come, but not now, not for me at least.
sometimes i still feel fucking pathetic for not being where i "should" be, but it's all a lot easier to deal with when you can look in the mirror and say "helllllll yeah you rule, baby"
ellen degeneres also helped me feel a lot better today about just kinda floating in life right now. it's on her "here and now" dvd, about procrastination and how there's really nothing wrong with it because by doing everything now and so fast, you're really only doing it because you hope at the end of your day, or your life, whatever, that you'll have this big chunk of time to do nothing because you never wasted time. well, you're not ever guaranteed that chunk of time at the end of everything so in the words of ellen, "procrastinate now, don't put it off." enjoy what's real.
think about it, we (hopefully) have our whole lives ahead of us. but in this life ahead of us comes work and great responsibility. it's not a bad thing, but do i really want to start all that so soon? when am i ever gonna get the chance again to just hang out watching movies and smoking weed and being with my friends, or even just alone for hours? yeah, maybe other people are over it by now because they're older, but 20 is not fucking "older" to me. i don't wanna be busy, i don't wanna be rushed, i want to just relax and be able to sit outside at night for an hour thinking about how crazy the stars are, or wake up in the morning and do whatever the fuck i want because nobody else gets to tell me yet. that time will come, but not now, not for me at least.