Heading back...
So in a week my break will be over, and I can't really emphasize enough just how mixed my emotions are at this point. I'll be more than just a bit relived to get away from my family after what's happened the last few days... It's been really, really bad. I've been a jark but given how my brother acts and the fact that somehow it's always my fault, even when it's dad saying he's going to drive off a bridge and kill himself...
Yech. this break hasn't really been a break.
I miss all of you down in the 'Boro. Mostly my thoughts are with each of you these days, and with the guys up here in the h-town. I miss you so much...
The yoga/meditation seems to be helping a great deal. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, despite everything, including how far away some of you have to go at the call of duty. I still have my same hopes for the new year, mostly aimed towards self-improvement and strengthening my will. If I want things better I've got to make them better.
Opportunities are opening in very unexpected places... There may be an opening for a place to live somewhere near Philly this summer. Or I could work in americorps in a city, an experience I think I need... Or I could room with a friend in Erie, or alone in Edinboro. All I know is that I don't belong here any longer. My mother had made it clear that she no longer wants me living under this roof, and will help me otherwise if only to be rid of me. Unkind in some senses I suppose, but then again I bring a great deal of it on myself. It's a good thing, to be honest, and what will have to be done will be done.
I miss those of you I couldn't see this break, and those of you I may never see again. Take care of yourselves!
I've been re-reading some wonderful old favorites and I have to say they're a source of comfort, if nothing else.
There's allot to see, and this dawning realization that I really could see it is both frightening and wonderful.
Those of you down at the 'Boro, heads up to me if you hear of any summer waitressing jobs, that's what I'm shooting for.
Walk with me when Spring has come,
While the winds be high and the skies be glum,
For though the rain dampens the spirits of some,
Strong is this fellowship, it will not fall numb.
Now come with me to the Summer land,
Where hearts be bright as the sinlit sand,
And the fading sun mellows, band by band,
And warm is the laughter so near at hand.
And wander still 'neath the Autumn skies,
Transfixed by whipoorwill's stringent cries,
Lamenting the Summer that too soon dies,
This is the season when strength must arise...
And come at last through the Winter snow,
For however the winds may howl and blow,
And storms may come and storms may go,
We'll warm one another in the fire's glow.
Follow me always towards what waits, still,
Through the hours when joy our hearts will fill,
And harder, yet, through these tests of will,
Until we meet the end.
For this, most of all that I have named
I will want to meet with a friend.
Yech. this break hasn't really been a break.
I miss all of you down in the 'Boro. Mostly my thoughts are with each of you these days, and with the guys up here in the h-town. I miss you so much...
The yoga/meditation seems to be helping a great deal. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, despite everything, including how far away some of you have to go at the call of duty. I still have my same hopes for the new year, mostly aimed towards self-improvement and strengthening my will. If I want things better I've got to make them better.
Opportunities are opening in very unexpected places... There may be an opening for a place to live somewhere near Philly this summer. Or I could work in americorps in a city, an experience I think I need... Or I could room with a friend in Erie, or alone in Edinboro. All I know is that I don't belong here any longer. My mother had made it clear that she no longer wants me living under this roof, and will help me otherwise if only to be rid of me. Unkind in some senses I suppose, but then again I bring a great deal of it on myself. It's a good thing, to be honest, and what will have to be done will be done.
I miss those of you I couldn't see this break, and those of you I may never see again. Take care of yourselves!
I've been re-reading some wonderful old favorites and I have to say they're a source of comfort, if nothing else.
There's allot to see, and this dawning realization that I really could see it is both frightening and wonderful.
Those of you down at the 'Boro, heads up to me if you hear of any summer waitressing jobs, that's what I'm shooting for.
Walk with me when Spring has come,
While the winds be high and the skies be glum,
For though the rain dampens the spirits of some,
Strong is this fellowship, it will not fall numb.
Now come with me to the Summer land,
Where hearts be bright as the sinlit sand,
And the fading sun mellows, band by band,
And warm is the laughter so near at hand.
And wander still 'neath the Autumn skies,
Transfixed by whipoorwill's stringent cries,
Lamenting the Summer that too soon dies,
This is the season when strength must arise...
And come at last through the Winter snow,
For however the winds may howl and blow,
And storms may come and storms may go,
We'll warm one another in the fire's glow.
Follow me always towards what waits, still,
Through the hours when joy our hearts will fill,
And harder, yet, through these tests of will,
Until we meet the end.
For this, most of all that I have named
I will want to meet with a friend.