"Heroes" Christmas Carols!
Every year I create some loopy Christmas carols based on whatever fandom/obsession I've most recently gotten into. (Previous posts are here: Gravitation, Buffy, Metroid/copy editing/politics, City of Heroes)
This year, it had to be "Heroes."
So get your tuning fork ready and let's get singing!
To the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer:
DL got run over by a reindeer,
Victim of an animal attack,
That's the story, but I'm not so certain--
Are those stiletto hoofprints on his back?
To the tune of Frosty the Snowman:
Matt the policeman
was a jolly, happy soul--
'Kay, he's really not -- his career is shot
and his marriage down a hole
Matt the policeman
Has a power that he dreads
He can hear your thoughts, folks, like it or not
And can look into your heads.
There's got to be some purpose
In his new ability,
Cause it's costing him his marriage,
and to boot, your privacy!
Matt the policeman--
he should join the FBI!
But if he gets with that weird Audrey chick
I swear I am gonna cry.
To the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Niki the two-faced hero
Had a very brainy kid
When he got into danger
She didn't know what she did.
All of the other heroes
Can tell you what their powers are
Nobody told poor Niki--
That's why she is so bizarre!
Then one day when DL came,
Everything was clear.
Niki saw her in the glass,
She went psycho on his ass...
Now she is not quite Niki,
but Jessica, the evil twin.
I guess her superpower
Was getting "under Niki's skin"!
And of course there are so many more that we could sing - like "Nuclear Ted is Coming To Town," "Isaac, I Have Heard, Is High", and "Sylar Night" (that one is more appropriate for Halloween, though). But let's just go straight to the Grand Finale:
To the tune of the Twelve Days of Christmas:
On the first week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
A Hiro who's in NYC.
On the second week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Two brothers flying
And a mother whose name is Niki.
On the third week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Claire getting murdered
Matt hears thoughts
And a jerk in Nathan Petrelli.
On the fourth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Creepy Haitian guy,
Vegas fun,
Claire comes back to life,
And Niki's "other" getting horny.
On the fifth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Matt's-- Super Sex!
"Save the cheerleader,
Save the world,"
Mohinder has doubts
And waffles that make Hiro happy.
On the sixth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
DL a'phasing,
E-- den's a plant!
Mohinder goes home,
Peter and
Isaac in a pinch,
And birth parents for Claire (not really.)
On the seventh week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Peter a'dreaming,
Matt's wife a'cheating,
Ly--le finds out!
Hiro saves someone
with DL,
Isaac's off the drugs,
and Micah has an ability.
On the eighth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Mohinder a'grieving,
Claire's dad a'scheming,
Burnt Toast in Texas,
Mohinder's past!
Isaac's lost his gift
sans the drugs,
Sylar drinkin' joe,
And a Hiro in love with Charlie.
On the ninth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Claire and Zach escaping,
Peter playing hero,
Heading off to Texas,
Creepy boy in dreamland,
Sylar goes down!
Claire gives Peter power
He won't die
Jessie buys a rifle
And a quite nasty end for Jackie.
On the tenth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Hiro a'jumping,
Chandra a'searching,
Matt eating donuts,
Nathan a'crashing,
Claire starts a'healing,
Jes--- sica's real!
Charlie can't be saved,
Eden's crazed,
Peter has a dream,
And six months go by fast as can be.
On the eleventh week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Matt hearing Peter,
Peter hearing Matt,
Haitian Guy a'talking,
DL gettin' shot at,
Sylar a'screaming,
Mohinder returning,
E-- den gets killed!
Mr. Bennet knows,
Claire freaks out,
Peter is the bomb
Who will take out half of NYC!
(Everyone take a deep breath now...)
On the twelfth week of Heroes
Will we all get to see:
Niki in prison?
DL clear his name?
Hiro learn swordplay?
Nathan win his race?
Isaac draw a porno?
Mohinder go loopy?
Sylar fix some watches?
WHO'LL SAVE THE WORLD?
When will Peter blow?
Is Zach gay?
What about poor Claire?
Guess we'll find out in January!
Please feel free to share these around, just please be a dear and throw "tiptoe39 wrote these" in there somewhere :)
Happy Holidays y'all!
This year, it had to be "Heroes."
So get your tuning fork ready and let's get singing!
To the tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer:
DL got run over by a reindeer,
Victim of an animal attack,
That's the story, but I'm not so certain--
Are those stiletto hoofprints on his back?
To the tune of Frosty the Snowman:
Matt the policeman
was a jolly, happy soul--
'Kay, he's really not -- his career is shot
and his marriage down a hole
Matt the policeman
Has a power that he dreads
He can hear your thoughts, folks, like it or not
And can look into your heads.
There's got to be some purpose
In his new ability,
Cause it's costing him his marriage,
and to boot, your privacy!
Matt the policeman--
he should join the FBI!
But if he gets with that weird Audrey chick
I swear I am gonna cry.
To the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Niki the two-faced hero
Had a very brainy kid
When he got into danger
She didn't know what she did.
All of the other heroes
Can tell you what their powers are
Nobody told poor Niki--
That's why she is so bizarre!
Then one day when DL came,
Everything was clear.
Niki saw her in the glass,
She went psycho on his ass...
Now she is not quite Niki,
but Jessica, the evil twin.
I guess her superpower
Was getting "under Niki's skin"!
And of course there are so many more that we could sing - like "Nuclear Ted is Coming To Town," "Isaac, I Have Heard, Is High", and "Sylar Night" (that one is more appropriate for Halloween, though). But let's just go straight to the Grand Finale:
To the tune of the Twelve Days of Christmas:
On the first week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
A Hiro who's in NYC.
On the second week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Two brothers flying
And a mother whose name is Niki.
On the third week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Claire getting murdered
Matt hears thoughts
And a jerk in Nathan Petrelli.
On the fourth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Creepy Haitian guy,
Vegas fun,
Claire comes back to life,
And Niki's "other" getting horny.
On the fifth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Matt's-- Super Sex!
"Save the cheerleader,
Save the world,"
Mohinder has doubts
And waffles that make Hiro happy.
On the sixth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
DL a'phasing,
E-- den's a plant!
Mohinder goes home,
Peter and
Isaac in a pinch,
And birth parents for Claire (not really.)
On the seventh week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Peter a'dreaming,
Matt's wife a'cheating,
Ly--le finds out!
Hiro saves someone
with DL,
Isaac's off the drugs,
and Micah has an ability.
On the eighth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Mohinder a'grieving,
Claire's dad a'scheming,
Burnt Toast in Texas,
Mohinder's past!
Isaac's lost his gift
sans the drugs,
Sylar drinkin' joe,
And a Hiro in love with Charlie.
On the ninth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Claire and Zach escaping,
Peter playing hero,
Heading off to Texas,
Creepy boy in dreamland,
Sylar goes down!
Claire gives Peter power
He won't die
Jessie buys a rifle
And a quite nasty end for Jackie.
On the tenth week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Hiro a'jumping,
Chandra a'searching,
Matt eating donuts,
Nathan a'crashing,
Claire starts a'healing,
Jes--- sica's real!
Charlie can't be saved,
Eden's crazed,
Peter has a dream,
And six months go by fast as can be.
On the eleventh week of Heroes
I saw on NBC
Matt hearing Peter,
Peter hearing Matt,
Haitian Guy a'talking,
DL gettin' shot at,
Sylar a'screaming,
Mohinder returning,
E-- den gets killed!
Mr. Bennet knows,
Claire freaks out,
Peter is the bomb
Who will take out half of NYC!
(Everyone take a deep breath now...)
On the twelfth week of Heroes
Will we all get to see:
Niki in prison?
DL clear his name?
Hiro learn swordplay?
Nathan win his race?
Isaac draw a porno?
Mohinder go loopy?
Sylar fix some watches?
WHO'LL SAVE THE WORLD?
When will Peter blow?
Is Zach gay?
What about poor Claire?
Guess we'll find out in January!
Please feel free to share these around, just please be a dear and throw "tiptoe39 wrote these" in there somewhere :)
Happy Holidays y'all!