“… you’re like a brother to me, so if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”
“Or what?”
“Well, I’ll have to do what I have to do to stop you.”
“You can’t Dean, you’re just a man. I’m an angel.”
“I don’t know, I’ve taken some pretty big fish.”
“Sorry Dean”
“Well, I’m sorry too, then.”
Dean stood motionless after the sound of Castiel’s wings faded away. He wished with all his heart that Cas hadn’t gone looking in the worst of places for help. There were too many betrayals, too many shocks for him to take in. He was on a rollercoaster that just wouldn’t quit. First Sam lied to him about Ruby, and everything the bitch had snared him up in, and now history was repeating itself with Cas and Crowley. He scrubbed a hand over his face and hung his head. He didn’t know how much more he could take.
“Dean?” Voice still rough with sleep, Sam padded down the stairs from where he’d been sleeping in what passed for a spare room at Bobby’s place. A cramped cot in a room stuffed to the gills with books wasn’t ideal, but Dean had made it clear he wanted some space.
Dean didn’t answer, didn’t know how to put anything into words anymore. He had to face up to the very real possibility that he might have to kill Cas, and it horrified him. He stood where he was as Sam got closer, close enough for Dean to feel the heat from his body through the thin cotton shirt, close enough for Sam’s breath to ghost over his neck.
“I heard you, talking to Cas, heard what you said.”
Dean nodded but stayed silent.
“I’m not trying to make excuses for him,” Sam went on. “And … I can’t forgive him for raising me from hell the way he did, but I know how it feels, to make all the wrong decisions because you think it’s the only way to make things right. To be in so deep you’re drowning in it and still think you can win.” And although Dean didn’t need to hear it, Sam also remembered how badly he’d felt, taken in by Ruby’s lies. He’d trusted her despite everything, convinced that he was doing the right thing, and hurting Dean so badly in the process. “I’ll never forgive myself for betraying you the way I did, and I know Cas must feel the same. I’m so sorry, Dean.”
Dean trembled as he fought to keep everything inside. Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and turned him around. Dean tried to shrug the hand away, take a step back, but Sam followed him, and wrapped his arms around his brother, holding him tight. There was a second’s pause before Dean returned the hug, holding onto Sam as if he might never let go. Sam buried his face against Dean’s shoulder, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over as Dean’s grip tightened.
He wasn’t even sure what he was most sorry for. The pain that Dean was going through now, with Castiel’s betrayal so fresh and new, or the heartache he’d caused himself, and would never feel as if he’d atoned for.
Dean closed his eyes and clung to Sam and if Sam’s shoulder began to feel damp, it’s not something he would ever mention. When an exhausted, wrung out Dean began to sag in his arms, Sam pulled him down to the couch and curled around him the best he could, not letting go even when Dean slipped into an uneasy sleep.
He couldn’t take away the hurt and anguish, but he could give Dean this. A little comfort in a life of uncertainty and betrayal.
Unseen, Castiel watched for a moment longer, his eyes full of sorrow, then he was gone.
This was *exactly* what I wanted. I'm tearing up as I write, because you got it all so perfectly. Sam was amazing and Dean. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean.... ohhhh my heart, it breaks. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
“… you’re like a brother to me, so if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”
“Or what?”
“Well, I’ll have to do what I have to do to stop you.”
“You can’t Dean, you’re just a man. I’m an angel.”
“I don’t know, I’ve taken some pretty big fish.”
“Sorry Dean”
“Well, I’m sorry too, then.”
Dean stood motionless after the sound of Castiel’s wings faded away. He wished with all his heart that Cas hadn’t gone looking in the worst of places for help. There were too many betrayals, too many shocks for him to take in. He was on a rollercoaster that just wouldn’t quit. First Sam lied to him about Ruby, and everything the bitch had snared him up in, and now history was repeating itself with Cas and Crowley. He scrubbed a hand over his face and hung his head. He didn’t know how much more he could take.
“Dean?” Voice still rough with sleep, Sam padded down the stairs from where he’d been sleeping in what passed for a spare room at Bobby’s place. A cramped cot in a room stuffed to the gills with books wasn’t ideal, but Dean had made it clear he wanted some space.
Dean didn’t answer, didn’t know how to put anything into words anymore. He had to face up to the very real possibility that he might have to kill Cas, and it horrified him. He stood where he was as Sam got closer, close enough for Dean to feel the heat from his body through the thin cotton shirt, close enough for Sam’s breath to ghost over his neck.
“I heard you, talking to Cas, heard what you said.”
Dean nodded but stayed silent.
“I’m not trying to make excuses for him,” Sam went on. “And … I can’t forgive him for raising me from hell the way he did, but I know how it feels, to make all the wrong decisions because you think it’s the only way to make things right. To be in so deep you’re drowning in it and still think you can win.” And although Dean didn’t need to hear it, Sam also remembered how badly he’d felt, taken in by Ruby’s lies. He’d trusted her despite everything, convinced that he was doing the right thing, and hurting Dean so badly in the process. “I’ll never forgive myself for betraying you the way I did, and I know Cas must feel the same. I’m so sorry, Dean.”
Dean trembled as he fought to keep everything inside. Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and turned him around. Dean tried to shrug the hand away, take a step back, but Sam followed him, and wrapped his arms around his brother, holding him tight. There was a second’s pause before Dean returned the hug, holding onto Sam as if he might never let go. Sam buried his face against Dean’s shoulder, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over as Dean’s grip tightened.
He wasn’t even sure what he was most sorry for. The pain that Dean was going through now, with Castiel’s betrayal so fresh and new, or the heartache he’d caused himself, and would never feel as if he’d atoned for.
Dean closed his eyes and clung to Sam and if Sam’s shoulder began to feel damp, it’s not something he would ever mention. When an exhausted, wrung out Dean began to sag in his arms, Sam pulled him down to the couch and curled around him the best he could, not letting go even when Dean slipped into an uneasy sleep.
He couldn’t take away the hurt and anguish, but he could give Dean this. A little comfort in a life of uncertainty and betrayal.
Unseen, Castiel watched for a moment longer, his eyes full of sorrow, then he was gone.
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*helps put your heart back together*
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