***WARNING FOR JEN***
*********WARNING FOR JEN*************
this entry is entirely about you, so read at your own risk. and if you do choose to read it, please do not feel at all obligated to reply with a comment.
*********************************************
OK, so i just spoke to Jen on the phone for 66 minutes. It will round out the top three moments of my summer thus far.
See, there's just this thing about Jen where she just makes everything okay. She just, I don't even know how to put it into word. She just talks. She just talks and everything that you have ever felt sad or depressed, or angry about- it just goes away like mist. Poof: gone. It's wonderful and it's awesome and it makes me want to sob with joy.
And it's real. Jen is so real. I don't think that there has ever been a time where I have suspected Jen to be exaggerating, or presumptious, or I dont know, fake. It's just not the Jen that I know. Everything that comes out of her mouth is valid and important and I just want to make sure that I soak all of it up and use it to my full advantage because I am so fortunate that I get to hear it from her glorious mouth. It just really makes me thankful and grateful.
I look at everything differnatly after talking to her. I want to make sure that I observe and that I appreciate and love everyting that happens to me, because Jen has taught me to do that, and I want to do it for her. I can honestly say that she is the one and only person I have ever met that I dont want to change a thing about. She has not one flaw in her personality, pysical body, or mind that is unattractive or unbecoming of her. Even her sometime lack of real self image can be charming and a fun challenge.
Jen makes me choose every word very carefully. Which is good, because sometimes I say things to people that I don't mean. Not always bad things, but I hate having that feeling after a conversation or confrontation where I say to myself, "Now THAT is not what I meant. Damnit, what I really meant was..." But not with Jen; with Jen I want to make every word count because it is so valuable. Every conversation is of the greatest value to me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
With Jen, everything sounds so easy. It may not be that way realistically, but when you're wth Jen, the world is a canvas that you can paint however you wish. Her positive energy has repeatedly gotten me through very difficult time, sometimes because the times don't seem so difficult when I think about it the way Jen would want me to.
I think the fact that I admire Jen so much is because she has so many traits that I not only lack, but am proud to not have. Allow me to elaborate and explain. Jen is an extremely thankful, non-greedy, family driven, and honest person that thinks things through and always gives 100% of herself to everything that she can. Now I can realize that I am not always like that; and a part of me knows that I never will be like that; but another part of me is really happy that I am not like that. But, ANOTHER part of me wishes I WERE like that. But I am not. And Jen has taught me that's okay too. She has this really amazing way of making me want to be a better person, while not letting me feel bad about the person I alrady am. I especially love that. I love that when I am being a good person and doing "good" things, I am doing them for Jen, because Jen wants me and every other person in the world to do good things. I love when I am able to catch myself mid-decison and think of what Jen would do and what Jen would want me to do. I love that because I know, outright KNOW, that I am doing the right thing. And if I'm not, then I know I will learn something from that. And I am okay with that because Jen would be too.
I sometimes wish that I had religious beliefs, because I somtimes lack and want that kind of moral responsabilty. I want that guidance in my everyday life. But I also know I am too practical and cynical a person to have a belief in any deity that cannot show himself to me plain view. But Jen, Jen does that for me, she shows me what can happen when you love and you live and you listen and you care and you do everything you can for everyone that you can. And you know what, if it makes Jen happy, then I am not only happy for her, but I will do it for me and be happy for me, because Jen would want THAT too. So I guess that I am saying that in terms of beliefs and spiritual revelations: Jen is my God. My one and only God.
I can also honestly say that in a completly non-romantic or uncomfortable way, I LOVE JEN. And I can say that because I know that Jen would think it's okay for me to feel that way. Because Jen's Jen and she's fantastic.
this entry is entirely about you, so read at your own risk. and if you do choose to read it, please do not feel at all obligated to reply with a comment.
*********************************************
OK, so i just spoke to Jen on the phone for 66 minutes. It will round out the top three moments of my summer thus far.
See, there's just this thing about Jen where she just makes everything okay. She just, I don't even know how to put it into word. She just talks. She just talks and everything that you have ever felt sad or depressed, or angry about- it just goes away like mist. Poof: gone. It's wonderful and it's awesome and it makes me want to sob with joy.
And it's real. Jen is so real. I don't think that there has ever been a time where I have suspected Jen to be exaggerating, or presumptious, or I dont know, fake. It's just not the Jen that I know. Everything that comes out of her mouth is valid and important and I just want to make sure that I soak all of it up and use it to my full advantage because I am so fortunate that I get to hear it from her glorious mouth. It just really makes me thankful and grateful.
I look at everything differnatly after talking to her. I want to make sure that I observe and that I appreciate and love everyting that happens to me, because Jen has taught me to do that, and I want to do it for her. I can honestly say that she is the one and only person I have ever met that I dont want to change a thing about. She has not one flaw in her personality, pysical body, or mind that is unattractive or unbecoming of her. Even her sometime lack of real self image can be charming and a fun challenge.
Jen makes me choose every word very carefully. Which is good, because sometimes I say things to people that I don't mean. Not always bad things, but I hate having that feeling after a conversation or confrontation where I say to myself, "Now THAT is not what I meant. Damnit, what I really meant was..." But not with Jen; with Jen I want to make every word count because it is so valuable. Every conversation is of the greatest value to me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
With Jen, everything sounds so easy. It may not be that way realistically, but when you're wth Jen, the world is a canvas that you can paint however you wish. Her positive energy has repeatedly gotten me through very difficult time, sometimes because the times don't seem so difficult when I think about it the way Jen would want me to.
I think the fact that I admire Jen so much is because she has so many traits that I not only lack, but am proud to not have. Allow me to elaborate and explain. Jen is an extremely thankful, non-greedy, family driven, and honest person that thinks things through and always gives 100% of herself to everything that she can. Now I can realize that I am not always like that; and a part of me knows that I never will be like that; but another part of me is really happy that I am not like that. But, ANOTHER part of me wishes I WERE like that. But I am not. And Jen has taught me that's okay too. She has this really amazing way of making me want to be a better person, while not letting me feel bad about the person I alrady am. I especially love that. I love that when I am being a good person and doing "good" things, I am doing them for Jen, because Jen wants me and every other person in the world to do good things. I love when I am able to catch myself mid-decison and think of what Jen would do and what Jen would want me to do. I love that because I know, outright KNOW, that I am doing the right thing. And if I'm not, then I know I will learn something from that. And I am okay with that because Jen would be too.
I sometimes wish that I had religious beliefs, because I somtimes lack and want that kind of moral responsabilty. I want that guidance in my everyday life. But I also know I am too practical and cynical a person to have a belief in any deity that cannot show himself to me plain view. But Jen, Jen does that for me, she shows me what can happen when you love and you live and you listen and you care and you do everything you can for everyone that you can. And you know what, if it makes Jen happy, then I am not only happy for her, but I will do it for me and be happy for me, because Jen would want THAT too. So I guess that I am saying that in terms of beliefs and spiritual revelations: Jen is my God. My one and only God.
I can also honestly say that in a completly non-romantic or uncomfortable way, I LOVE JEN. And I can say that because I know that Jen would think it's okay for me to feel that way. Because Jen's Jen and she's fantastic.