5 Simple Rules
You keep asking me how. Here's how....the five simple rules for my happiness: 1) Free your heart from hatred. 2) Free your mind from worries. 3) Live simply. 4) Give more. 5) Expect less.
I can unequivocally tell you all I struggle with each rule at different times. Instead of thinking of them as rules, think of them more as guidelines. No one person is perfect and don't expect perfection from yourself. I don’t. I'm human and I sometimes stray. I don’t say I have regrets or make mistakes. I regret nothing and I know I am not a mistake. These are really just the five rules that I find to be the basic foundation to my happiness.
1) Free your heart from hatred. Recently someone said something to me that really hurt my feelings. This person doesn’t know what it’s like to walk a day in my shoes, so I realized that I could have handled it one of two ways. I could have carried some hatred in my heart towards this person. Shut them out completely for hurting me. But that’s not me, so I just absolutely think of it as this is that persons perception of what they are think is going on. Shame on them for passing judgment without all the facts. Not shame on me for what this person was telling me I had done wrong. This person doesn't understand the choices I made or how I live my life. You can have your own opinion, but I don’t allow myself to be the victim of needless suffering at the hands of others anymore.
2) Free your mind from worries. Ok, when I posted these 5 rules on facebook, I noticed a few of my friends struggle with this one. The common theme? They are mothers. I would assume they worry about their children or the decisions they have made while parenting their kids. I really can’t speak to that as I am not a mom - thats what I worried about when I was a foster parent. I can tell you that I used to worry about all the decisions I made. Leaving my old job and coming to this new one. No longer talking to a friend who wanted me to lie for them. Am I going to be able to sell my house after all the rehab is done? Worry. Worry. Worry. What I realized was I was worrying about things that I could really change. I already left the old job because it made me so unhappy. I couldn’t respect management after being caught in a lie. I can’t work some place that would foster that. No longer talking to a friend that wanted me to lie for them. Sure, I worry about seeing this person out and about and I am not sure what I would say to them if I did. But because I have freed myself from hatred - I’d smile, maybe say Hi or wave and move right along. Do I worry about selling my house once this rehab project is done? Yes, there are now two foreclosures and two other homes for sale on my street. There are only 16 homes on my street so the odds aren’t in my favor. I can't worry about that. I am not in a rush or under duress to sell the house. As the old adage says: I'll worry about that bridge when I cross it.
3) Live simply. One of my favorites. In my own opinion, and remember these are the 5 simple rules of my own personal reality. I live simply. Sure, I have nice things. I work hard to have nice things. Do I pay $29.50 for my MAC foundation. Yes, yes I do....but I can because I have worked hard enough in my professional life that it’s ok to splurge for myself. Do I have a 70" Aquos plasma 3D TV. No, because I don’t need one. The 27" flat screen I have is good enough for me. When I buy things it’s because I have a need for them. I stopped shopping to make myself feel better. Retail therapy got me nowhere but in debt. So I restructured my life and go out of debt and am happy because of it. I went through my closets and found 3 large bags full of clothes I had barely ever worn just hanging there. I gave a few things to a friend who I knew would love them and then donated the rest to an organization that helps others prepare for the work place. Take an inventory of the stuff you need vs. the stuff you want. The stuff you want isn’t that important. If you have it, and don’t use it, find a way to give it to someone who can. You will feel so much better about yourself. I promise.
4) Give more. This costs you nothing. Because when you give more, you live simply :) Have a friend who you notice is struggling. Send a card in the mail that will make them smile or a text message to brighten their day. Have a family member that needs help moving. Clear your schedule and offer to help. Giving more to those lives you impact will be a rewarding experience for you personally. You will feel better about yourself, I know I do. You can't however, give more of yourself if you are in a place in your life that you can’t. Not every rule is meant for every day. Take last Saturday for example. I worked both jobs and then had to go back to work on Sunday...which was my 7th day in a row for work. I then went into work for 1/2 day in the morning on Monday. I gave and I gave and I gave and when I took a full day off on Tuesday, outside of taking my nephew to lunch I stayed home and watched TV. I didn’t have any more to give, but that’s ok. When you have it, give it. But when you give more, you have to know that you have to expect less.
5) Expect less. All 5 of these rules bleed into each other. Realizing 1 will help you with 2. Accepting 2 will lead you to 3. Rationalizing 3 assists with 4. 4 as a basic life guideline brings you to 5. And 5....5 may be the hardest one out of all of them, I think. Expect less. Those are big, heavy words. I don’t give more because I expect more. I actually expect less from every single person in my life. My parents, my sisters, my friends and my coworkers. That’s not an insult, either. You could know me for 5 minutes, and you would know that I would walk through fire for most anyone in my life. I love with the kind of reckless abandon that most people don’t understand. I've come to expect less of others because everyone else has their own life to contend with. So do I. Expecting less from those around me has opened my life and my heart up to less pain and hurt. And it's awesome.