(no subject)
So wow, I haven't updated this thing in a while.
I guess it would have to be the fact that where I'm living now is lacking in internet access.
Oh well, no use in dwelling on that.
Things have been pretty crazy since school started.
So busy with studying, worrying about grades, brothers, family, friends, boyfriends, ect.
I don't know. Right now I just feel blah. I'm sure people can relate with this feeling; I feel like nothings happening, I'm not going anywhere in life. But then on the other hand I feel like everything is happening and the world is just going by so freaking fast. I feel lost. Like there isn't a meaning to anything anymore. And when I say anything I mean anything, life, family, friends, school. It's all not making any sense. I feel like the joy that used to fill my life, the comfort, the stability is gone. It just seems like everything is going so wrong. And I can't seem to shake this feeling.
There are so many questions filling my head; and these questions aren't really good ones.
I wish a I knew the meaning. You know...The meaning to life, the meaning to pain, the meaning to existance.
It sounds so childish and stupid, philosiphers have questioned our meaning for many years.
Yet no one can seem to understand what it is.
I guess my meaning is whatever I make it, you know. But it seems like I'm making it the wrong way, I feel like I'm not succeeding in anything. My grades have gone down. My home life, is there one? My social life, what social life is there really?
Maybe I should just give in. Is the fight really worth it all? Kansas City isn't that bad of a place.
The school is supposed to be awesome. I don't know. It just seems like, it just seems like...
This is where I sigh. Sometimes I don't understand my own mind. It's so confusing, I'm so stressed.
6 tickets, 0 dollars, 1 broken heart, 1 lost mind, 3 1/2 houses, 0 homes, 1 love, 1,000 aquaintances, 3 in 1 Gods, 76 test score, when it all adds up it epuals me.
I guess that is the problem.
I guess it would have to be the fact that where I'm living now is lacking in internet access.
Oh well, no use in dwelling on that.
Things have been pretty crazy since school started.
So busy with studying, worrying about grades, brothers, family, friends, boyfriends, ect.
I don't know. Right now I just feel blah. I'm sure people can relate with this feeling; I feel like nothings happening, I'm not going anywhere in life. But then on the other hand I feel like everything is happening and the world is just going by so freaking fast. I feel lost. Like there isn't a meaning to anything anymore. And when I say anything I mean anything, life, family, friends, school. It's all not making any sense. I feel like the joy that used to fill my life, the comfort, the stability is gone. It just seems like everything is going so wrong. And I can't seem to shake this feeling.
There are so many questions filling my head; and these questions aren't really good ones.
I wish a I knew the meaning. You know...The meaning to life, the meaning to pain, the meaning to existance.
It sounds so childish and stupid, philosiphers have questioned our meaning for many years.
Yet no one can seem to understand what it is.
I guess my meaning is whatever I make it, you know. But it seems like I'm making it the wrong way, I feel like I'm not succeeding in anything. My grades have gone down. My home life, is there one? My social life, what social life is there really?
Maybe I should just give in. Is the fight really worth it all? Kansas City isn't that bad of a place.
The school is supposed to be awesome. I don't know. It just seems like, it just seems like...
This is where I sigh. Sometimes I don't understand my own mind. It's so confusing, I'm so stressed.
6 tickets, 0 dollars, 1 broken heart, 1 lost mind, 3 1/2 houses, 0 homes, 1 love, 1,000 aquaintances, 3 in 1 Gods, 76 test score, when it all adds up it epuals me.
I guess that is the problem.