soooo
I’m more than likely taking a pretty big monetary case to court because I know I’ve been taken advantage of, and ill admit, it scares me to think about. thanks to matt and some other friends this shouldn’t be so bad, but it's at times like this i find myself bitter for not having the same parental support that i see most of my peers with. is it really so much to ask? i may have been a mistake, but with any mess, you should be able to at least help clean up what you had created. don't get me wrong, I’m happy being independent, but i never had support of any kind growing up, and now when facing such a scam, you think at least one of them would be willing to help, in some way. at least willing to talk with me, tell me that i will be ok.... nope. I’ve dealt with money problems before on my own while growing up, all the time actually, but being scammed like this.... i don't really know what to do, and I’m not willing to give up half of my earnings from the job i have had since moving out here to someone completely undeserving of them. I’m on my own here, and i can’t believe this person won’t admit to the selfishness of the situation.
i know that since i have friends here, its not like i will end up homeless, and at worst, i just wont be able to take as many classes next semester, but i don’t want to have to think of that happening, because it makes me feel like a burden to anyone i might end up living with. this seems to be a constant in my life... the feeling of being a burden to all i know... i tell myself it could be worse, but i can't help but feel bitter. bitter there was never love there, bitter that i was always a problem.... bitter i never had that normal life. I’m just being a little bitch and need to get over it. i just miss what i never had i guess. whatever happens happens i guess.... but looking on the bright side i got this far at least right? I took what money I had, moved out here after graduating, made a place for myself in a way, and given the grants, loans, scholarship money, and WUE program should be finishing school with a degree if I’m lucky… id like to think most people wouldn’t have done that much in my situation, but maybe I’m giving myself more credit than I deserve….i know my mom sure as fuck didn’t, and I’m not letting what happened to her happen to me. no fucking way. I’m done bitching now, back to more homework…. then if I’m lucky I can sleep the rest of this day, sleep is the best part of any day anymore and I was hoping I would never have to return to such a point in my life. oh well.