weird and shitty.

[tinytimtrue222]

I feel very weird and shitty lately, i am not sure why. It's like my brain is broken or something, or I have regressed. I am becoming increasingly more apprehensive in social situation. I don't know why, I feel like there was a time in my life where I was an extrovert. But right now I am just all sorts of messed up and I can't explain or even pinpoint on how I feel exactly or why. I just feel like a lot of failures, and I just feel like giving up. I feel empty inside. I feel like something is wrong. I feel paranoid about everything. I keep ruminating on all sorts of things that should not matter. I feel out of place like no one understands. I feel low. And it's just really a weird, rare feeling overall. I am ready to leave soon. I take vacation in a week or two so that should help. I am starting to enjoy the weekdays more than the weekends. I am starting to find myself avoid human interaction even when it is offered to me, and then sit by myself and feel "lonely." I used to be really positive no matter what, but it's like.. i ran out or something. It's like I'm two different people. And today I am just hypersensitive to everything. Judging everything I do no matter what. I know it doesn't matter, logically speaking, I feel like I don't care but then again I do. I just feel confused, like I have brain damage or something, like the way I am trying to think about things is all wrong, or it doesnt make any sense or it's all just a dream and I'm trying so hard to wake up but I cant. Like something poisoned me... I;m not sure if it is psychological or physiological. I just feel stuck in something. Trapped and I can't get out. Trapped in memories and possibilities that have since fallen by the wayside, and my will has too. I have relinguished control and become a spectator of my own life. I wonder what my shell will do next?

I am so lucky. I have such a wonderful life. I don't understand why I get this way sometimes. I just want to be. I just want to exist.