(no subject)
Hi guys,
well being new to site after about a week i have finally plucked up the courage to post an entry... i have no idea wat im doing. it scares me so much that someone i no may figure out its me.
well for the last 2 days i have sat in my bed and watched every documentry and video about eating disorders i could find on youtube, i have got millions of thoughs flying round my brain.
I have had an ED since around 2007....... and it all started completely out of the blue wen i went to an all girls school for sixth form. i had always wanted to lsoe weight n had tried loads of times, but was just one of those people, i had no willpower and just enjoyed food to much.
wen i went to this college i alwys felt soo paranoid because it was all girls and there was competition in all areas, not just about looks and image but who was the cleverist, who could get the highest marks. it was a grammar school and so everyone was soo intelligant and it was so hard to keep up. So while trying to keep up with so much work and trying to fit in with the new crowd of friends something happened to me. i dnt remember the turning point, i remember gettin a new job where i was the only member of staff runnign the shop, i was scared to leave the shop to get any lunch, so i realised i cud go until 5/6 oclock without eating. so every tym i workd thats wat i did. i stopped eating in college and started watching wat i was eating at home, calorie counting started and i tohught nothing of it, i didnt have a problem, i would eat no more than 1000 cals a day at first but would exercise until i had burnt nearly all that off. i did't hve a problem...... b4 i new it i was my dream size, size 10 (not a goal weight because i didnt have a problem remember ... well atleast i didnt think i did) i had dropped from a size14 to a size 10 in about 2 months or less. my parents thought i looked great.... i went shopping for my christmas clothes and was over the moon to be buying size 10 clothes. but i kept calorie countign and exercising and before i new it im where i am today, between a ize 6 and 8. people strted getting worried wen i went below a size 10, the eating habits got worse and i stopped going out so much, my cothes would hang of me, and i lied to everyone,....................................so thats me.............i havent lost for a while, because i lost alot of my motorvation , i have out on wiehgt and feel awful but im bak on track now but its sooo hard.
i hope i haven't bored you i just didnt reli no wat i was doing.