Terra Elizabeth’s Birth Story
A Midwife Assisted Homebirth
Terra Elizabeth
03/30/2009 at 12:52pm
Weighing 8.2lbs (8lbs 3.2 ounces)
And still…we haven’t measured her
I remember waking up to pee- well, I figured it was to pee or insomnia had struck again, which I hoped against because my body was tired. The day before had been filled with anxiety and painful Braxton Hicks contractions. My bottom was sore and filled with pressure at each irregular surge and we all felt that Baby’s arrival was getting near. I felt the first contraction and thought “No, that’s too much. I don’t want to feel that.” Though still half asleep I quickly realized what it was I’d asked to subside. I took a deep breath and told my body, “Yes…Yes, I DO want to feel that. Bring it on. I’ll be strong.”
True labor was noted to have begun around 3am. Hubby was upstairs; he’d fallen asleep on the futon. He had been restless and anxious and unable to sleep; I figured I’d be laboring alone for a good amount of time, but didn’t think it would hinder me. I woke him with the news and he came downstairs to bed with me. I tried my hardest to fall back to sleep, but the rushes were coming on strong and I was already having to remind myself to stay relaxed through them.
I gave up on sleeping around 5:30am, I couldn’t stop going to the bathroom, but that was alright because squatting made me rush. I texted my mother and sister, as promised, then called my midwife. I didn’t want her to come just yet, but I felt as though labor would progress quickly so figured to give her the heads up.
My rushes came stronger. I tried everything to integrate them. Standing up, walking, sitting on my birthing ball, moaning in low tones. Nothing seemed to work. I was getting upset and didn’t want to feel such negative energy, but hubby was dead to the world and I didn’t want my midwife’s assistance at that time. So I decided, after clenching Baby’s crib and writhing about through three very strong contractions, it’d be best that I lie in bed next to hubby and at least be able to grab hold of him during a rush. It was also good for me to lie down because the lower back ache that began the day before made standing alone difficult, uncomfortable, and particularly painful (all things I didn’t want associated with my contractions).
Surprisingly enough, lying down eased the integration. I was able to breathe deeply and let go of all tension throughout my body. I knew that I was allowing myself to open and felt stronger, more productive, and positive energy began to flow again. I’d been drinking lots of water and kept urinating. My body’s natural enema had kicked in as well, which I was happy for. Hours passed and around 9am I heard Amara waking over the baby monitor. We’d already decided that our friend Sheila would tend to Amara during the birth, but we wanted her present if she was (and I was) alright with it at the time of delivery. *Amara is 21months old and I had a wonderful natural hospital birth with her. Read her birth story here: http://tinysecrets19.livejournal.com/9604.html
I roused hubby and he quickly got up to set Amara’s breakfast and play her favorite Elmo DVD in order to make himself available to us both until Sheila arrived. I decided to update my midwife and give her a call, but was surprised to hear her say, “I’m sorry B-, something has come up. It’s urgent. I was actually just on my way out the door. I cannot make it B-. I won’t be able to come.” I sat on the line bewildered and unsure of anything. I asked if she was alright, her children, if she’d be okay. She told me nothing, “I can’t say much more at this point, but it’s urgent and I have to go. I can’t make your birth, B-. I’ll let you go now; you’ll need time to square things away for yourself.” I wished her well, and hung up…stupefied. 6 hours into an intense labor with my second child whom I’m intending to birth at home and my midwife BAILS ON ME! WTF?!
I couldn’t think for a moment, and as much as I wanted to curse her name I knew that allowing negative energy into my labor and birth process would prove unprogressive. I put her aside in my thoughts, wishing her the best, for I figured that there must be life vs. death involved with her situation in order for her to bail on me while I was laboring. Right?
I focused on my rushes and what I needed to do. I knew that I could and would birth my baby at home no matter what, so I decided we’d just carry on and deliver Baby unassisted. I called Sheila, she is such an amazing friend, and told her of the entire situation. Through pausing for contractions and a short conversation she reminded me that her midwife was visiting from Texas (we live in Illinois) and suggested she bring her by to evaluate our situation and possibly assist. Her name is Laurie, I’d never met her, and of course, this offer contained no promises. I accepted. Anything Laurie could do I was sure to be grateful for.
I filled hubby in on the drama. I am happy, at times like these, that he is calm and relaxed by nature. He took it in well, tended to Amara and helped me integrate my contractions better. Sheila and Laurie were at my house by 10:30am. We all sat down to discuss what was at hand; I told them all how determined I was to birth at home and how the only qualms I had about an unassisted were that we hadn’t researched anything on after birth care, and 7 ½ hours into my labor wasn’t exactly the greatest time to Google.
Laurie, my miracle midwife, agreed to stay on for me. I was elated, relieved, honored, and amazed by her generosity. It was strange though, how it all came together. Not only did she just happen to be visiting, but she’d stayed longer due to a dream she’d had the night before about delivering a baby. She said the dream made her feel as though her time here wasn’t supposed to end yet. Maybe life isn’t as arbitrary as I’d previously determined it to be? Another huge coincidence was that a set of Laurie’s birthing tools were still in town from her last visit. She’d not wanted to carry them in her purse and decided to leave them at the last moment. Things were set and I was back on track for having my homebirth.
Sheila and Laurie decided to leave for the moment; to take Amara to play - as previously planned, pick up Laurie’s birth supplies to add to our own, and give hubby and I time to labor alone. Laurie figured the rushes would pick up as soon as all of my distractions were removed. The birth team was only gone a little while before my rushes began running into one another.
The contractions were getting really difficult to integrate and I had to counsel myself throughout them, “Just go with it, keep breathing, ride it out, try to relax, but don’t feel like a failure if you can’t completely let go, focus on the positive, do whatever you need to with all of the energy, know that you’re doing your best to progress this labor and focus on Baby, keep the rushes coming strong, you’re almost there, and it only gets tougher so don’t complain now,” were some of the things I’d remind myself of during a rush; as they peaked, lingered, intensified, and gradually tapered off to the persistent lower back ache.
I was low on energy, but nauseas as well, so I had hubby prepare me a smoothie; I began throwing up before I ever drank it and didn’t eat anything in the end. Sitting on the toilet still made me rush and as I used it after puking I had the urge to bear down. I nearly jumped off the pot, not wanting to deliver my child into toilet water, and had hubby call the birthing team back over.
They got here quickly and my rushes kept coming strong. Amara was content to play with Sheila in the front room as I labored in the bedroom with hubby and Laurie. I directed hubby through each rush with instructions on how to help me, he was a wonderful birth partner again. I rushed and hugged his neck, I’d have him stand back from me so I could lean toward him and he clenched my hips- which relieved the pressure and back ache a bit. While the rushes peaked I’d massage his back and arms to help release some of the energy. I moaned low and bit him when I felt the urge.
Laurie checked me upon my request; I figured that if I wasn’t past 5cm I’d need some serious mental strengthening before I could successfully complete this natural birth, but I was a 9, so I breathed deep and prepared for the pushing stage. A few hard contractions later and I was aware that I’d reached transition. I got a little nervous of the rushes to come being too heavy to integrate or the pushing stage being too painful, but I buried the internal worries as quickly as they surfaced. I knew it was simply transition talking and that I’d be fine. I thanked my body for the short break between hard contractions and pushing, then rid my apprehension of the intense rushes to come. I told myself again that every contraction brought me closer to my baby and the end of the rushes (little did I know, because I didn’t have them with Amara, but post partum contractions hurt like hell!). I was also excited to know Baby’s sex, for we hadn’t wanted to find out early.
One big rush, and I was proud of myself for not breaking down in tears. I don’t allow myself to cry while in labor, it wastes too much energy. I felt the need, after that rush, to find a birthing position. It wound up being on my bedroom floor, hands and knees, with hubby in front of me so I could lean into him and knead his body when necessary.
Another long and intense contraction left me rocking in hubby’s arms. It felt good to move slowly with him, back and forth, rhythmically, awaiting the next surge. The next rush came faster, stronger, longer, and at the end of it I felt my body bearing down, it did so without my consent and I questioned it at first, thinking “Already?” My water broke and I dismissed my doubt and told myself that I was ready if this was it and opened to every feeling. I felt the urge again, but I was in control this time. I pushed with all of my might, but eased up when I felt the need to let my body expand and relax. I felt the burn, but integrated it quickly. After one full push I felt the head was out and Laurie confirmed it. I knew the work was mostly through and I gave everything I had, remembering to use my abs, and being fairly vocal; I felt Baby’s body emerge through my bones. It was such an amazing feeling!
I couldn’t believe I was really in the moment of Baby’s birth, it was just so amazing and spiritual and although I carried her for nine months and labored naturally I still felt slightly unworthy of her coming out of me. I remained caught up in the awe of birth for a moment (seemed like forever, but couldn’t have been longer than a second or two) until I heard Laurie’s sweet voice saying, “Between your legs.”
I looked down and scooped up my slippery bug…my little…Terra! A girl! I really thought she’d be a boy! But no, a girl, my little Terra Elizabeth, my Terra Bug, my second love child. I cried her welcome and expressed my love; I bonded with her and allowed her the option to nurse. Sheila heard me deliver from the next room and got my permission to bring in Amara. I really wanted Amara to see her little sister. They both came in and Amara admired the curious looking baby, but wasn’t afraid. “Baby kiss?” She asked, and I told her Yes, directing her to a semi-clean spot.
Hubby took pictures and we all marveled at the tiny life we’d assisted in coming earth side. I was eventually helped off of my knees and onto my bed where I pushed out the placenta (which I’m making powder out of today, because I’m already starting to feel a little too depressed) and hubby cut the cord a while later. Baby Terra began nursing and didn’t stop for nearly two hours. Hubby drew us a bath and I soaked while wiping Terra Bug clean. I felt tired, but wonderful. I didn’t tear, and going to the bathroom is already painless. I am more satisfied with this birth than any other accomplishment of my life. I feel unstoppable and strong and honorable. I am complete.