My mother...my birth
So...I could write under this entry title for hours, but I'm going to just put the facts down because I'm hungry and tired and hubby should be calling shortly so that we can chat for the first time in...awhile.
My mother and I have....issues in our relationship, but it'd take like five entries to explain that, so just know that much...okay?
Last time I was to have Amara she planned to be at the birth, but I really didn't want her to be there because she stresses me out. She lives about three hours away anywho and I'd planned to call her at some point, but things went quickly once I was okay with her knowing I was in labor and we never got the chance to call before Amara was born (yes...I labored for like 19hours, but...I still didn't find the time to call her, whatever...I didn't want to ruin/spoil/divert my energy). I needed to do things my way. I needed my labor/birth to progress smoothly without her negative vibes. And it did, the birth went wonderfully, and I am 100% satisfied with everything that occured (besides hubby deleting all of the pics the next day by accident...grrrr).
Anywho, I had decided, upon getting pregnant this time, that I would allow her to attend the homebirth. I figured it'd mean a lot to her and that's the way I told her i was pregnant, by sending handmade homebirth invitations. She loved the gesture and accepted the offer graciously. But now...less than four weeks before I am to give birth, she has backed out!
MY MOTHER BACKED OUT OF ATTENDING MY HOMEBIRTH!!!! WTF
I cannot say that I'm too upset about it. I was actually starting to feel a little anxiety over her attendance. I didn't want to disappoint her, but I didn't want her to come only to be kicked out because she was messing up my energy or something like that, ya know? Well...saves me any worrying anymore. She's not coming.
She had an anxiety attack today (she has them quite frequently...she's a total hypochondraic---and i have no clue how to spell that) that nearly sent her to the ER, and she's following her Dr.'s orders to not do anything stressful for awhile. She considers my marriage and family issues to be stressful and labor/delivery the same, so she's not coming.
I could say lots of things about this...but...i'll just leave it at that. What the fuck. I hope Hubby's mom shows up. I've got a friend that will most def. be there, caring for Amara mainly, and another coming for my sake, for whatever I need, but they are only going to be present for the labor and birth, not the two weeks of help that I'm surely going to need. Sigh. Guess I'll have to figure it out...my mother probably wouldn't have done shit but wanted to hold the baby anyway, lol.
ON ANOTHER NOTE: Amara is kinda sick. Not bad, just a slight cold and possibly a fever, but I refrained from checking her temp today. She was awfully fussy in the morning and I debated on whether or not to take her shopping (we needed groceries and a friend--the same one who will attend the homebirth to tend to Amara---was coming to scoop us up so that we could have a ride), but it had been planned for like, a week and I didn't want to reschedule and thought that maybe the change in environment would do her some good.
It soooo did! She had a blast while shopping and then we went to the woman's house for dinner (her daughter is2months younger than Amara and the girls have been playmates since they were 4 and 6months old, lol) where she ate and played with several other children (they're sufi's, and in the community they have family dinners, where like, one family cooks one night, then another on another night, etc, so that they don't have to cook all of the time). It was nice to see Amara get to interact with all the children and for me to not have to cook or clean and to just...be around loving people. I felt...connected, and not so alone. I hate feeling lonely.
Well, she passed out on the way home and only woke briefly for her diaper change and such. She has been asleep since 7pm, so I'm assuming she's out for the night (which means I should be in bed soon or I'm going to regret it in the morning *smiles*). At least tomorrow will be an easy day...laundry for baby and more nursery organization...but other than that, the whole house is clean, the shopping is done, and all we need to do is sit, enjoy, relax, and have fun :)
~B