(no subject)
the feeling that i get from losing one of my best friends is similar to the feeling i get the day after doing E and smoking all night - tired, sick, heartbroken, and stupid. "tired" and "sick" are obvious and need no explanation. the "heartbroken" bit may not either, but i feel like it. all romantic feelings aside, my bff was my bff because he understood me, and had patience with me, and loved me wholly for who i am.
i feel like the things i've looked for in other people for so long haven't been huge things to ask for or expect. so when someone came back into my life, after 4 horrible, disgusting years with julio, and gives me everything i've been asking for and way more on top of it (on their OWN accord), that person completely 100% has my heart. and that's just it. i was never vague or misleading about my feelings. i kept a lot to myself at first because i was scared. i knew that those feelings weren't reciprocated in any way, so what the hell was i supposed to do? tell him, "oh btw luvubai!" knowing something for yourself is one thing; actually hearing someone that you love so much tell you, "hey guess what, i don't really even like you that much," would fucking suck, badly.
never, ever, ever date your friends. i don't care how well you get along, how cute they are, how amazing the sex is. don't do it. losing a lover or a significant other hurts and it sucks, but losing a friend (a TRUE friend) is one of the most heartbreaking things i've ever been through in my life.
i feel like the things i've looked for in other people for so long haven't been huge things to ask for or expect. so when someone came back into my life, after 4 horrible, disgusting years with julio, and gives me everything i've been asking for and way more on top of it (on their OWN accord), that person completely 100% has my heart. and that's just it. i was never vague or misleading about my feelings. i kept a lot to myself at first because i was scared. i knew that those feelings weren't reciprocated in any way, so what the hell was i supposed to do? tell him, "oh btw luvubai!" knowing something for yourself is one thing; actually hearing someone that you love so much tell you, "hey guess what, i don't really even like you that much," would fucking suck, badly.
never, ever, ever date your friends. i don't care how well you get along, how cute they are, how amazing the sex is. don't do it. losing a lover or a significant other hurts and it sucks, but losing a friend (a TRUE friend) is one of the most heartbreaking things i've ever been through in my life.