(no subject)
caucus master barack obama is predicted to win the virginia primary. that was my first piece of good news today.
the second was that i didn't have to babysit. however, i can't really enjoy my "night off" as a) i have to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow morning because i actually have a real job now, and b) we've been struck by the biggest winter storm 2008 will ever see, presuming we don't get 3 to 5 feet in the middle of may, but at this rate it doesn't seem at all impossible.
i hate to admit that everybody was right, but...everybody was right. this is only my first week at my new job and already my mood is improving. no, it's not because i am "busy all day" because i'm really not; things that i deem important enough to temporarily lose sanity over will only remain in the back of my head, instead of at the forefront, when i am "busy all day." i just generally feel better because now, instead of laying on the couch in a depressed stupor for half the day, i'm actually doing something and making decent money from it. it keeps me from feeling like the only person in the world who's not doing anything, and who wants to be with someone who doesn't do anything? now i'm doing something that is not only preparing me for when i teach for real, but something that i am generally happy with that i can talk to people about that doesn't involve "100 reasons why K doesn't like me and why it makes me sad."
i'm not going to front, this whole disaster still hurts me. but this is a lasting, deep hurt not because K doesn't want a relationship with me - i got over that bit of it a long time ago. this hurts me now because i really, honestly feel as though i've lost my best friend and he's never going to come back. word to the wise: never, ever, ever have any kind of romantic/sexual relationship with your best friend. i know that should be one of the most obvious notions to anyone with any semblance of common sense, but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to resist when your best friend happens to be the Cutest Boy in the Entire World. worthy of caps.
"time heals all wounds" blah blah blah. i just so happen to be notoriously impatient. so where does that leave me? awkward attempts at a regular conversation, day dreams in which my knight in shining armor plays out some cheesy amanda bynes-like valentine's day romance to win me back, and the glimmering hope that one day, maybe, i'll have my friend back.
the second was that i didn't have to babysit. however, i can't really enjoy my "night off" as a) i have to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow morning because i actually have a real job now, and b) we've been struck by the biggest winter storm 2008 will ever see, presuming we don't get 3 to 5 feet in the middle of may, but at this rate it doesn't seem at all impossible.
i hate to admit that everybody was right, but...everybody was right. this is only my first week at my new job and already my mood is improving. no, it's not because i am "busy all day" because i'm really not; things that i deem important enough to temporarily lose sanity over will only remain in the back of my head, instead of at the forefront, when i am "busy all day." i just generally feel better because now, instead of laying on the couch in a depressed stupor for half the day, i'm actually doing something and making decent money from it. it keeps me from feeling like the only person in the world who's not doing anything, and who wants to be with someone who doesn't do anything? now i'm doing something that is not only preparing me for when i teach for real, but something that i am generally happy with that i can talk to people about that doesn't involve "100 reasons why K doesn't like me and why it makes me sad."
i'm not going to front, this whole disaster still hurts me. but this is a lasting, deep hurt not because K doesn't want a relationship with me - i got over that bit of it a long time ago. this hurts me now because i really, honestly feel as though i've lost my best friend and he's never going to come back. word to the wise: never, ever, ever have any kind of romantic/sexual relationship with your best friend. i know that should be one of the most obvious notions to anyone with any semblance of common sense, but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to resist when your best friend happens to be the Cutest Boy in the Entire World. worthy of caps.
"time heals all wounds" blah blah blah. i just so happen to be notoriously impatient. so where does that leave me? awkward attempts at a regular conversation, day dreams in which my knight in shining armor plays out some cheesy amanda bynes-like valentine's day romance to win me back, and the glimmering hope that one day, maybe, i'll have my friend back.