srs word fail
Honestly. But at least stomach is starting to feel a bit more real. And I'm almost convinced that if I keep repeating shoulder out loud it's going to turn into a real word again. So it's getting better.
But really, it's so annoying. I'm trying to write smut, which is hard enough as it is. And embarrassing and a host of other adjectives that force me to take a break to pace the room each time I actually manage to get a sentence down. I don't need that on top of it. Because it really doesn't help at all when you're trying to describe someone's damn body and suddenly a word just lies there flat, strange, lifeless and doesn't mean anything. Just empty sounds and meaningless bunch of letters that hold no inherent meaning. And yeah, that sort of interrupts the flow. And still you know it's the right word, you know that you've used it completely right and it's the right word to use right there, but you just can't get past the friggin' weirdness of it, the wrongness of it. It looks wrong, it sounds wrong, it feels wrong, damn it, it pretty much even tastes wrong.
And did I mention that smut is hard to write as it is.
Ah, but there is word related happiness as well. Because there are new words, which is fantastic. Thanks to Supernatural fanfic I now know what Formica is, and the easy recognition of what the word described the first time I ever read it was quite amazing. And yeah, not very exciting as words go maybe, but completely new. So it's all shiny in my mind. You don't get completely new words that often, usually they're sort of familiar, like maybe you've seen them somewhere before, but can't quite put your finger on it. And if they are new, you don't usually know what they're telling you right at first glance. So I like it.
And I finally know what schadenfreude means (even if I doubt I'll ever manage to spell it right). Well I knew already, but I didn't know. It has actual weight now, instead of an empty dictionary definition. And maybe I'm the slightest bit embarrassed that it took me this long before I realised to translate it into something I do know instead of obstinately trying to understand English in English (that never works for me when it's obvious loanwords, so I was just being my stupid stubborn self... for, you know, years). But usualy translations don't work that directly, shades of meaning and all that, so I didn't expect it would this time either. I have to admit that I expected the meaning to be more... special. Because it's a damn difficult word for such and every day thing. Still, the moment of realisation was a nice, glowy moment.
Maybe it balances out. Learn a new word, lose an old one? That would be kind of funny. If there was a set amount of words a person can learn. Would be really bad when you realise that your vocabulary consists mainly of swearwords and other kinds of dirty language and all the every day stuff is gone.
Shoulder. Yeah, definitely becoming realer. So it's not gone forever. Now I'm just waiting for the next word that suddenly turns meaningless.
But really, it's so annoying. I'm trying to write smut, which is hard enough as it is. And embarrassing and a host of other adjectives that force me to take a break to pace the room each time I actually manage to get a sentence down. I don't need that on top of it. Because it really doesn't help at all when you're trying to describe someone's damn body and suddenly a word just lies there flat, strange, lifeless and doesn't mean anything. Just empty sounds and meaningless bunch of letters that hold no inherent meaning. And yeah, that sort of interrupts the flow. And still you know it's the right word, you know that you've used it completely right and it's the right word to use right there, but you just can't get past the friggin' weirdness of it, the wrongness of it. It looks wrong, it sounds wrong, it feels wrong, damn it, it pretty much even tastes wrong.
And did I mention that smut is hard to write as it is.
Ah, but there is word related happiness as well. Because there are new words, which is fantastic. Thanks to Supernatural fanfic I now know what Formica is, and the easy recognition of what the word described the first time I ever read it was quite amazing. And yeah, not very exciting as words go maybe, but completely new. So it's all shiny in my mind. You don't get completely new words that often, usually they're sort of familiar, like maybe you've seen them somewhere before, but can't quite put your finger on it. And if they are new, you don't usually know what they're telling you right at first glance. So I like it.
And I finally know what schadenfreude means (even if I doubt I'll ever manage to spell it right). Well I knew already, but I didn't know. It has actual weight now, instead of an empty dictionary definition. And maybe I'm the slightest bit embarrassed that it took me this long before I realised to translate it into something I do know instead of obstinately trying to understand English in English (that never works for me when it's obvious loanwords, so I was just being my stupid stubborn self... for, you know, years). But usualy translations don't work that directly, shades of meaning and all that, so I didn't expect it would this time either. I have to admit that I expected the meaning to be more... special. Because it's a damn difficult word for such and every day thing. Still, the moment of realisation was a nice, glowy moment.
Maybe it balances out. Learn a new word, lose an old one? That would be kind of funny. If there was a set amount of words a person can learn. Would be really bad when you realise that your vocabulary consists mainly of swearwords and other kinds of dirty language and all the every day stuff is gone.
Shoulder. Yeah, definitely becoming realer. So it's not gone forever. Now I'm just waiting for the next word that suddenly turns meaningless.