Ahhh the oddness that is Eryn...
I'm not sure if I've written before about Eryn and her temper. Eryn has had a rather large temper, for a long time. The first time I actively noticed it was the week we moved back to Victoria, when Eryn was two and a half. We were looking for beds in a massive shop in Nunawading, and Eryn didn't want to leave the Wiggles bed behind. I did what I'd always done and picked her up to leave the shop, and she exploded. Tears, screams, snot, hysteria, flailing and kicking, the works. It quite bewildered us to be honest. She'd always been fairly vocal with us, and was quite clear in what she wanted, but in public she was normally very quiet, and had no signs of a temper like that!
Yeah, she was a cranky baby, but then, I don't think cranky is the right word, i think more, reliant? She just wanted to be with one of us, all the time. That at least had a 70 - 80% chance of keeping her happy. She did get referred at 2 to the pediatric psychologist for assessment for OCD, but that was solved over the phone when she pointed out that Eryn's main problem wasthat she was running the house, instead of Andrew and I doing so..
Back to Beds'R'Us though, Andrew and I sort of stared at each other for a moment, then bundled her out to the car and back to to the motel where we sort of, well, laughed. This tiny little bundle of extreme anger was actually sort of, cute. And amusing..
Over the last 5 and a half years, we've still laughed at some of her tantrums - for example when she used to stand in her doorway, crying for a hanky, then after being handed one she'd throw it back out at you. Being a hanky it would fall about 2 centimeters away. She'd huff, go get it and repeat the process. Laugh out loud funny to watch... More Of a recent one was when I realise the next day that she'd stuck a sign on her door saying “I am a shithed”..
Some of them though, in fact most of them, have not been so funny. She used to fall asleep mid tantrum in her bed, and wake, picking up exactly where she left off, as if the sleep had never happened. She's fallen asleep on her floor covered in snot more times than I can count. She's been carried many, many times from scenes of crime, shopping centres, toilets, restaurants, people's houses. She's kicked me, hit me, scratched me, once bitten me, and told me more than once that she doesn't like me at all.
One of the worst one may be the one where in the end Andrew and I went into her room, this was at Ferntree Gully, so she would have been under 5, and started clearing the whole room out. By the end she had literally only her empty dresser, empty bookshelf and bed, with no blankets or pillows. The next thing we heard was the god awful crash of her very heavy bookshelf being tipped over, and LUCKILY, missing her feet. Her other worst would be a few months back when I asked her to go into my room, as according to our deal. We had the deal that if she was losing her temper she could go into my room, jump on the bed, say anything she wanted, and yell and scream all she wanted. When I asked her to go in, she went fine, and yelled for awhile, then was quiet. Normally that means she's getting herself back together, but this time it turned out she was just destroying my room instead. Pictures off walls, and out of photo frames, bed pulled apart, clothes everywhere, etc.
That was before we gave her a bedroom of her own for her birthday. After that the incidences slowed down, and also lowered in explosiveness. She might need time out in her room, but she rarely destroyed things, and normally calmed down fairly well. Last night sadly, was old school Eryn at her best..
A few weeks ago Ruth lent us the Roald Dahl audio collection, and as a family we got hooked. So far I've only listened to Matilda, Fantastic Mr Fox and The Twits, cos I am really relishing listening to the rest as we drive West. Eryn and Emma have had a CD player in their rooms since they were quite small,and have often had audio books like Bug's Life or Toy Story or Bob the Builder to fall asleep to. When we got the Roald Dahl ones I happily let Eryn have them too. I discovered however that Dahl is obviously too good - Eryn would be still up at 11, listening to the cd's.
Monday this week I told Eryn that she couldn't have anymore audio books until this Friday, when school holidays start. After that he can happily have them until school starts again in Perth, in about a month. I thought she took it quite well, and went on with life.. last night I discovered the BFG Disc 3 in her CD player, and the case of discs missing from on my desk. I did a large internal martyr sigh, and then asked her to get me the case please.
She denied knowing where they were, even when I sent her to go look for them, and couldn't, or wouldn't, find them. While she was looking I sneaked a look under her pillow and there they were. (that also meant that she probably spent lats night listening to disc 1, 2 AND 3, of the BFG, a playtime of quite a few hours). I gave her a time limit to tell me where they were, with the consequence that if she didn't I would be reading our current book (Also the BFG) to Emma alone that night rather than to both of them.
The time limit came and went, and I took Emma and the BFG to her room, and shut the door. Eryn of course exploded, rather loudly, and started throwing her stuff out of her room down the hall. I told her it wasn't ok, and shut her bedroom door. When I finished reading to Emma (who picked a Little Miss book anyway), Eryn's lights were off, door open, and all was silent. I listened for awhile, then headed to the lounge. I tried to settle into playing with my Duplicate File Finder, but I kept hearing SOMETHING.
After awhile I went down, and Emma said that Eryn's light was keeping he up. Eryn's light was off.. I wandered over and turned her light on and it was truly a work of classic Eryn. Clothes - that she'd gone and gotten from the dirty wash basket so at least they weren't clean - her doona, blankets, pillows (with cases torn off), shoes, toys, books, including her Lego ship that she got for her birthday, now pulled apart and scattered.
I did a more, out loud martyr sigh, and told her I was taking stuff away and I'd be back with a box. She told me she didn't care, i went & got a removal box & tape, and started assembling it in her room..she started caring pretty quick. I told her the stuff she'd scattered everywhere was getting packed, she could have it back in Perth. She told me to take everything in her room then, so i did. Now, I quite freely admit that by this stage I had also lost my temper. She was sitting there, naked, covered in snot, with all this mess all around her, and I just wanted to snap her out of it. I started in one corner of her room, and as I got to something I'd either pack it or put it in the rubbish bag. She sat, quite calmly, and watched me do it.
About 3/4 of the way through i went to throw something in the rubbish bag, and she complained it wasn't rubbish. That was pretty much the first thing she'd said to me in 30 or 40 minutes, other than to refuse when I offered her chances to change her mind. I asked her where she wanted this thing if not in the rubbish, and she pointed to the Perth box. I looked at her, and she said nicely, Perth please. After that it was sort of eerie. Whenever I wasn't sure I'd ask her, she'd direct it to either Perth, rubbish, or for on the trip.
Some stuff I tried to talk her out of, like ALL her books, and her pillows. She compromised on the pillows at the end and admitted she'd said no at the start because 'that was when she was being snotty'. She now has her bed, one pillow, her blankets, an empty bookshelf, her CD player, and her lamp. The room looks awesome!
When everything was out I asked her where she wanted her bed and she got off it quite happily and discussed where it should go. She went and got two bottles of water and asked if we could do Cheers.. when I asked her what we were celebrating she said her being big enough to pack her stuff.. When she was in bed she asked if I could still read her some BFG, and I explained that if I did it rendered the punishment kind of pointless. She said 'it's hard, i just have such a fast, big temper' and i agreed, i told her she has your temper and she should remember that when Andrew loses HIS temper, or Emma, or I.
I also told her that her temper was not my fault, or Emma, and that we didn't have to put up with being yelled at, same as she does't when anyone else loses their temper. We talked a little about it all. I think that maybe she got to the point when I was packing her stuff that she wanted it gone - once it's gone it's easier. She's reclaimed a few of her soft toys which is fine by me, they were last in, by her choice, not because I took them as a punishment. She also told me first thing this morning that she'd gotten them out.
The whole process took quite a long time, a few hours I'd say, and by the end of it I was wiped out. Also unsure what it achieved, because as I was leaving her room she asked for BFG in her CD player! I explained AGAIN that it's for after the holidays,and she sort of sighed, then asked for a music CD, and went to sleep. So, I guess it was easier than the last time I said no to it, but why did she even try again??
Honestly, off to the circus for her you know....