Declaration From Speaking
I. PREAMBLE
I, Jessica Hunt, have decided to formally give up all connection regarding a certain abstract act known as verbal communication. No longer will I suffer the inconsistency of the English "slanguage", or any other thereof, for any reasons known. Such un-settlings call for a cause of action, a due plea of retreat from the forever stagnant waters of oral rhetoric.
II. DECLARATION OF NATURAL RIGHTS
I hold in high reverence the belief that every human is entitled a chance of isolation from the whole, a separation from that which has been deemed acceptable. Human beings that have the ability to estrange themselves must be allowed the actual attempt, whether for experimental reasons or simply the need to outlaw the natural communication with other such human beings. Also, such aforementioned human beings should be granted the creation of a new, wholly agreeable system of communications OR the ability to rely completely on the written word.
III. LIST OF GRIEVANCES
After much suffering, I have come across my decision through much consideration and thought. I present to all readers a summarized list of reasons behind such an isolation:
- To avoid confusion, where a superior being orates to that of a lesser intelligence and receives nothing in return
- To save those aforementioned lesser intelligent beings from the wasted time while an attempt is made to understand something too eloquent to grace said being's ears
- A simple lack of the ability to remain coherent, where every thought that deserves to be said falls out as meaningless jabber
- Animosity toward the literal sound of a certain voice such as one's own
- To save oneself from a loss of said voice, which occurs regularly due to a very rare and disputable disease
- To save oneself from possible pain due to either the rare and disputable disease or a recent throat injury, involving severe irritation and pestilence of the vocal chords
- The act of presenting the incorrect words for a specific situation, causing distress and sometimes serious cases of anger from the counterpart in the discussion
- Following the nature of the above, the act of presenting such incorrect words with substance in the mouth, such as food, drink, or the like, and having an accidental spell of exudation
- Believing that certain words should be deemed acceptable and thus saying them repeatedly to those who wish not to hear, such as elderly relatives, supervisors, children, and the like
- Letting slip a sing-song version of that which is intended to be formally stated and being considered "tone-deaf" and "incredibly stupid" as well as a "loser" or "imbecile"
- Following others that create many forms of certain diction but combining the wrong letters (and thus, using the incorrect words) and becoming someone not to be respected, looked upon, or even spoken to
IV. RESOLUTION OF INDEPENDENCE
I, therefore, allow myself to wholly rely upon the formal written word of the English language as a means of communication. I sign my independence in black lettering and refuse to ever let slip a consonant, vowel, or any combination of such, from my vocal chords from this moment on.
I, Jessica Hunt, have decided to formally give up all connection regarding a certain abstract act known as verbal communication. No longer will I suffer the inconsistency of the English "slanguage", or any other thereof, for any reasons known. Such un-settlings call for a cause of action, a due plea of retreat from the forever stagnant waters of oral rhetoric.
II. DECLARATION OF NATURAL RIGHTS
I hold in high reverence the belief that every human is entitled a chance of isolation from the whole, a separation from that which has been deemed acceptable. Human beings that have the ability to estrange themselves must be allowed the actual attempt, whether for experimental reasons or simply the need to outlaw the natural communication with other such human beings. Also, such aforementioned human beings should be granted the creation of a new, wholly agreeable system of communications OR the ability to rely completely on the written word.
III. LIST OF GRIEVANCES
After much suffering, I have come across my decision through much consideration and thought. I present to all readers a summarized list of reasons behind such an isolation:
- To avoid confusion, where a superior being orates to that of a lesser intelligence and receives nothing in return
- To save those aforementioned lesser intelligent beings from the wasted time while an attempt is made to understand something too eloquent to grace said being's ears
- A simple lack of the ability to remain coherent, where every thought that deserves to be said falls out as meaningless jabber
- Animosity toward the literal sound of a certain voice such as one's own
- To save oneself from a loss of said voice, which occurs regularly due to a very rare and disputable disease
- To save oneself from possible pain due to either the rare and disputable disease or a recent throat injury, involving severe irritation and pestilence of the vocal chords
- The act of presenting the incorrect words for a specific situation, causing distress and sometimes serious cases of anger from the counterpart in the discussion
- Following the nature of the above, the act of presenting such incorrect words with substance in the mouth, such as food, drink, or the like, and having an accidental spell of exudation
- Believing that certain words should be deemed acceptable and thus saying them repeatedly to those who wish not to hear, such as elderly relatives, supervisors, children, and the like
- Letting slip a sing-song version of that which is intended to be formally stated and being considered "tone-deaf" and "incredibly stupid" as well as a "loser" or "imbecile"
- Following others that create many forms of certain diction but combining the wrong letters (and thus, using the incorrect words) and becoming someone not to be respected, looked upon, or even spoken to
IV. RESOLUTION OF INDEPENDENCE
I, therefore, allow myself to wholly rely upon the formal written word of the English language as a means of communication. I sign my independence in black lettering and refuse to ever let slip a consonant, vowel, or any combination of such, from my vocal chords from this moment on.