you are right, the communities do attract alot of the teens and i mean i understand it, they are the dominent generation of the internet age!
some times i like to feel as sort of a motherly figure to some of these girls, it helps me to support them and i think a lot of their parents dont give them some of the support that i was given growing up. i was always told i was beautiful and that i am going to be special one day and i think they dont see how much more there is to life then high school and parents and friends...to fit in.
i know you know we were there once, but i wouldn't go back for anything!
My name is Meghan and I live in New Orleans, La with my fiance of 2 years and our 2 and a half year old son, his fathers namesake.
i have been battleing a binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating whatever you want to call it since my first memories is about 8 years old with girl scout cookies in the closet. ive been to therapy and i understand where my disorder with come from.
so when my fiance and i first met we were drug addicts and i knew i had issues with control and food, but drugs are a powerful and make everything else so unimportant in life!
Anyway, i really didn't figure out i had disordered eating until i was home on maternity leave and i was fat from being pregnant and just eating uncontrollable, thats when it really hit me.
and i told my fiance what i had and how i needed help and he was great about throwing all the binge foods out and supporting me at 5 am exercising, and i managed to loose about 100 lbs getting me like 20 lbs under my prebaby weight.
then i became obsessed, "how low can you go Meghan" and i took it to an extreme, but honestly i was happy then i remember and i loved my body i was all muscle and no fat at all...petite and all. it started to get a little tense between us, but it was just us and he liked me thinner, i know he did, i did, i was happy and we want each other happy
then we moved from where i had been raised, to here in New orleans where he was raised and with his family and the transition has been something really new to me, coming from an only child being raised by a single father to a big family with get togethers and i lost sight of what was making me happy...i've recently got into binging alot and then bad laxative abuse and overexercising or restricting to "purge" per se...and i admitted that to him to.
with our move came my job into my house, so i am at home all day and i am a person that strives on routine and structure. right now, i am really trying to regain control. i went on a 22 day binge streak in my previous journey of weight loss....i need to do that again.
i support a caloric restriction lifestyle and i believe that eating out of control is gluttony and i want to be a purer person inside. I want to be the best mother that i can be...i at one time thought eating out of the trashcan was my lowest low, but my lowest low has been including my son in secret binges...thats abusive feeding him so much sugar in his growing developing body...
so yea im pretty disordered with food. i think that processed refined junk eating is detrimental to your body and that those junk foods are the devil of sin and self hate and breaking yourself down when we dont need to be broken down...we as women need to raise ourselves up and find peace.
I understand what you are saying in relation to the younger generation and the internet. I am a high school teacher, and I am deeply concerned that one of my students might find me on here. I try to steer clear to talking to younger girls because I would feel irresponsible. I will comment on things they might write but I try to steer clear. I try to discourage the use of laxatives and things like that there are alot of girls that ask.. are they any good and I always write my horror stories.... to deterr them.
This is an addictive way of life. The numbers on the scales, the determination to do better thany yesterday, it really frightens me to see girls logging on asking for 'tips'.
were you actually over weight at anytime? appart from being heavy when pregnant? I was talking with another mum today and I was telling her about my concern for the day I get pregnant - I am scared my habits might harm my baby, of course I will do everything I can to not restrict or purge in anyway, But I am also scared of the mental state I will be in.. weight it sends me into a frenzy... I am not thin by anymeans but I have been fatter - much fatter and the terror of gaining,... getting big... it scares me. Im already big and I can only get bigger... Im also 148cam so I have a short short frame. I know it sounds selfish. I know it is but its a concern for me.
I used to hide food in my wardrobe and eat it at night.... I started purging dinners, then lunches... then bingeing and purging then lax.... ahhh I was only 13 its crazy... this was before the net mind you.
I dont think I will ever get away from my issues with food. they get better and sometimes they get worse its a balancing act really.
i was pretty much overweight my entire life, as a child tho it was always baby fat, as a teen and into my college years i bounced between 200 and 150 lost a lot of weight with drugs and over exercising.
i am only 5'5 and i do have italian heritage so i always though i was "thicker". when i got pregnant i was 156...so probably in the healthy to overweight range....got pregnant and ate everything in site gained 70 lbs, i didn't think about doing any damage to my son, i limited my caffine, but pretty much figured i was eating for two and my eating habits were horrible back then. after i had my son reality snapped in when th realization that i wasn't getting my body back anytime soon if i didn't start evaluating my food and exercise. so i started in and became obsessed.
since my moved down south i went from 115 to 147, so yes again in that overweight range. i am at my best and feel my best when im not binging and eating healthy, its being able to indulge occasionally without it becoming an obsession that i struggle with same as you.
i can't have sweets in the house, as soon as i get sugar in my system in becomes like crack-and yes i was a crack addict for 3 years so i know-i have to have it and will spend my last dollar if i have too.
I was thin before my teens, I lived with my father and I was really under nurished, I went to live with my mum I was fed normally and I was healthy weight but I was so greedy for things because my father had been so horrible and I was not ablke to not have choclate I had a bad relationship with food, eating and then feeling so bad for it... le In my puberty I grew very fast and I was so scared as I was fat when everyone else was thin, I had breasts and hips. I was sick, I hated my fat. I am short too which didnt help, everyone else was thin and gangly.
I dont know how I got the idea but I started purging some meals and the found lax....
I was only a kid. Its so sad to see other girls even younger going through the same thing.
How did you kick the addiction with crack? Do you think it could ever be applied to helping this addiction? Obessive behaviour is a hard thing to break,,, I find I am doing well then I will get sick or something and lose my appitite , lose a few pounds and then not wantt to go back up and try to eat less...
only child and dad did control basically everything, we was a wonderful father and really raised me right but he had his own demons and he had control issues.
so yea he limited me alot
i was forced to go move with my mom she had a snack machine in the laundry room of her apt building, there is really where it all began. i mean at my dads it was whenever he left me alone, run to the kichten eat everything sweet you can get away with hiding and pass the time etc.
but at my moms it got bad just she wasn't into being a mom i mean she left me at 4, i didn't respect her.
and i always had the breast and hips and was so jealous of my thin and petite friends, didn't think i was pretty growing up.
as i got older i think i've gotten more beautiful and perfecting my body and keeping it pure now is something im trying to rediscover.
when i was smoking crack i was a bad person and a person that i never want to be again and i think i'm graced to have been given a chance to leave that in the past.
You know how i cured my addiction to drugs, i became a mom and i had someone else i had to live for and protect. the last time i saw my father was a few weeks before i found out i was pregnant. he died 6 days before the birth of my son. i think my father gave me my son as someone to depend on to keep me straight and out of trouble, he knew that he wasn't able to protect me anymore, bail me out when i got behind, or hire lawyers when i got in trouble.
so i had to get clean, i stopped everything when i found out i was pregnant. my fiance took him a while longer, but he is a good hard working supportive man. i relapsed on heroin and powder cocaine a few times after he was born but since a few months before our move her i've been totally clean of narcotics, except pot...but thats another days story! :)
I hope you have had a good day. I have, I fasted yesterday and cleansed and i've been super clean today with my eating...i think i can do it...i'm seeing my progress and i need to remain positive that everyday its behind me it gets father away.
Oh my gosh are either of you ladies still around? Both of you sound like me and I agree with everything written here 100%!! especially about the other LJ groups or how when I am in "Weight obsession" mode nothing else matters and I fight with my husband...
Katie and Meghan if either of you are here please get in touch with me
ps- I am an American married to an Aussie. We are moving to OZ permanently in a few months x
some times i like to feel as sort of a motherly figure to some of these girls, it helps me to support them and i think a lot of their parents dont give them some of the support that i was given growing up. i was always told i was beautiful and that i am going to be special one day and i think they dont see how much more there is to life then high school and parents and friends...to fit in.
i know you know we were there once, but i wouldn't go back for anything!
My name is Meghan and I live in New Orleans, La with my fiance of 2 years and our 2 and a half year old son, his fathers namesake.
i have been battleing a binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating whatever you want to call it since my first memories is about 8 years old with girl scout cookies in the closet. ive been to therapy and i understand where my disorder with come from.
so when my fiance and i first met we were drug addicts and i knew i had issues with control and food, but drugs are a powerful and make everything else so unimportant in life!
Anyway, i really didn't figure out i had disordered eating until i was home on maternity leave and i was fat from being pregnant and just eating uncontrollable, thats when it really hit me.
and i told my fiance what i had and how i needed help and he was great about throwing all the binge foods out and supporting me at 5 am exercising, and i managed to loose about 100 lbs getting me like 20 lbs under my prebaby weight.
then i became obsessed, "how low can you go Meghan" and i took it to an extreme, but honestly i was happy then i remember and i loved my body i was all muscle and no fat at all...petite and all. it started to get a little tense between us, but it was just us and he liked me thinner, i know he did, i did, i was happy and we want each other happy
then we moved from where i had been raised, to here in New orleans where he was raised and with his family and the transition has been something really new to me, coming from an only child being raised by a single father to a big family with get togethers and i lost sight of what was making me happy...i've recently got into binging alot and then bad laxative abuse and overexercising or restricting to "purge" per se...and i admitted that to him to.
with our move came my job into my house, so i am at home all day and i am a person that strives on routine and structure. right now, i am really trying to regain control. i went on a 22 day binge streak in my previous journey of weight loss....i need to do that again.
i support a caloric restriction lifestyle and i believe that eating out of control is gluttony and i want to be a purer person inside. I want to be the best mother that i can be...i at one time thought eating out of the trashcan was my lowest low, but my lowest low has been including my son in secret binges...thats abusive feeding him so much sugar in his growing developing body...
so yea im pretty disordered with food. i think that processed refined junk eating is detrimental to your body and that those junk foods are the devil of sin and self hate and breaking yourself down when we dont need to be broken down...we as women need to raise ourselves up and find peace.
sorry-when i get going i get going!
anyway nice to meet you again Katie!
Reply
This is an addictive way of life. The numbers on the scales, the determination to do better thany yesterday, it really frightens me to see girls logging on asking for 'tips'.
were you actually over weight at anytime? appart from being heavy when pregnant? I was talking with another mum today and I was telling her about my concern for the day I get pregnant - I am scared my habits might harm my baby, of course I will do everything I can to not restrict or purge in anyway, But I am also scared of the mental state I will be in.. weight it sends me into a frenzy... I am not thin by anymeans but I have been fatter - much fatter and the terror of gaining,... getting big... it scares me. Im already big and I can only get bigger... Im also 148cam so I have a short short frame. I know it sounds selfish. I know it is but its a concern for me.
I used to hide food in my wardrobe and eat it at night.... I started purging dinners, then lunches... then bingeing and purging then lax.... ahhh I was only 13 its crazy... this was before the net mind you.
I dont think I will ever get away from my issues with food. they get better and sometimes they get worse its a balancing act really.
It was lovely to hear from you
xx
Reply
i am only 5'5 and i do have italian heritage so i always though i was "thicker". when i got pregnant i was 156...so probably in the healthy to overweight range....got pregnant and ate everything in site gained 70 lbs, i didn't think about doing any damage to my son, i limited my caffine, but pretty much figured i was eating for two and my eating habits were horrible back then. after i had my son reality snapped in when th realization that i wasn't getting my body back anytime soon if i didn't start evaluating my food and exercise. so i started in and became obsessed.
since my moved down south i went from 115 to 147, so yes again in that overweight range. i am at my best and feel my best when im not binging and eating healthy, its being able to indulge occasionally without it becoming an obsession that i struggle with same as you.
i can't have sweets in the house, as soon as i get sugar in my system in becomes like crack-and yes i was a crack addict for 3 years so i know-i have to have it and will spend my last dollar if i have too.
its an addiction...it is for me
Reply
le
In my puberty I grew very fast and I was so scared as I was fat when everyone else was thin, I had breasts and hips. I was sick, I hated my fat. I am short too which didnt help, everyone else was thin and gangly.
I dont know how I got the idea but I started purging some meals and the found lax....
I was only a kid. Its so sad to see other girls even younger going through the same thing.
How did you kick the addiction with crack? Do you think it could ever be applied to helping this addiction? Obessive behaviour is a hard thing to break,,, I find I am doing well then I will get sick or something and lose my appitite , lose a few pounds and then not wantt to go back up and try to eat less...
Im here any time you'd like to chat :)
Reply
only child and dad did control basically everything, we was a wonderful father and really raised me right but he had his own demons and he had control issues.
so yea he limited me alot
i was forced to go move with my mom she had a snack machine in the laundry room of her apt building, there is really where it all began. i mean at my dads it was whenever he left me alone, run to the kichten eat everything sweet you can get away with hiding and pass the time etc.
but at my moms it got bad just she wasn't into being a mom i mean she left me at 4, i didn't respect her.
and i always had the breast and hips and was so jealous of my thin and petite friends, didn't think i was pretty growing up.
as i got older i think i've gotten more beautiful and perfecting my body and keeping it pure now is something im trying to rediscover.
when i was smoking crack i was a bad person and a person that i never want to be again and i think i'm graced to have been given a chance to leave that in the past.
You know how i cured my addiction to drugs, i became a mom and i had someone else i had to live for and protect. the last time i saw my father was a few weeks before i found out i was pregnant. he died 6 days before the birth of my son. i think my father gave me my son as someone to depend on to keep me straight and out of trouble, he knew that he wasn't able to protect me anymore, bail me out when i got behind, or hire lawyers when i got in trouble.
so i had to get clean, i stopped everything when i found out i was pregnant. my fiance took him a while longer, but he is a good hard working supportive man. i relapsed on heroin and powder cocaine a few times after he was born but since a few months before our move her i've been totally clean of narcotics, except pot...but thats another days story! :)
I hope you have had a good day. I have, I fasted yesterday and cleansed and i've been super clean today with my eating...i think i can do it...i'm seeing my progress and i need to remain positive that everyday its behind me it gets father away.
Ok talk later,
Meghan
Reply
Katie and Meghan if either of you are here please get in touch with me
ps- I am an American married to an Aussie. We are moving to OZ permanently in a few months
x
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