Dinosaurs are dead because they couldn't fit in the ark.
Upon more careful review of my life I've come to the conclusion that I'm nowhere I thought I would be five years ago.
Most people would be horribly disappointed with themselves at this realization. Not I.
I don't think I could be happier to not be where I thought I would.
Five years ago, I made a mental map with a plan for my life at age 20, going on 21 years old.
This plan held me at some university outside of Michigan spending $20,000+ a year to study Broadcast Communications and Public Relations. I'd be deliriously happy studying to work for some corporate company relaying the "news" to the public. I'd hoped to work my way thru college with some job in retail and exit grad school, buy a condo and live happily ever after.
The more I think about that, the more of a living hell it begins to look like. The deeper I look into that the more miserable I can predict my future having been.
I have 4 main passions in life.
In no particular order, that list would read:
Art
Music
Travel
Literature
What I saw my life as 5 years ago had little to no room at all for these things.
Looking back I can see how much I've grown as a person. Most importantly perhaps I realize how much pure garbage i've been fed about what my future would hold for me, how my life was to play out and what would make me happy.
I've realized i'm not like most people, I don't want what most people want.
I don't want that big house.
I don't want that fancy car.
I don't want that platinum visa card.
I don't want that ultra important position at work with an opportunity for a "bonus".
I don't want that picture perfect family, 2 warped kids a dog a cat and a husband I secretly hate.
I don't want that life.
Sometimes I think wanting something translates purely into thinking that you need that thing to make you happy.
I'd like to think that I am a better person than one who covets material things in order to make them feel whole.
Someone very important in my life said : "Consumerism is a poor interpretation of reality...your dreams are more alive than your plastic world of want."
And I couldn't agree with that more.
What do I dream of then?
I dream of writing something that will change people, of traveling the world on an empty pocketbook to see just what it has to offer me. I dream of building a kind of love in my friendships and relationships that cannot be tainted by distance or time. I dream of doing something purely because it makes me happy.
So what will make me happy?
I'm not sure.
I don't think I'll ever know until I somehow stumble upon it. I can only imagine that if I follow what feels good what I think is right and what makes me happy moment to moment, day to day, week to week, one day I'll wake up and discover that i've found it.
I don't believe happiness is something you can search for or create for yourself.
I can only feel that happiness is something that can be given to you and something that you can acheive.
I've felt moments of happiness. I've felt days upon days and sheer weeks of happiness. Only problem with this is that at some point in time it ends and I find myself back in the same old rut. Most of the reasoning from this i've come to find is that I keep going back to doing things because I'm expected to do them, not because I want to. I continue to follow the same paths that lead to the same undesireable places.
I'm done riding the safe road because the safe road is killing me.
If I keep going the way I've been I can only see myself in 10 years being the exact opposite of the person I would be proud to be.
I'm not changing myself.
I'm turning myself more into who i've always been.
Most people would be horribly disappointed with themselves at this realization. Not I.
I don't think I could be happier to not be where I thought I would.
Five years ago, I made a mental map with a plan for my life at age 20, going on 21 years old.
This plan held me at some university outside of Michigan spending $20,000+ a year to study Broadcast Communications and Public Relations. I'd be deliriously happy studying to work for some corporate company relaying the "news" to the public. I'd hoped to work my way thru college with some job in retail and exit grad school, buy a condo and live happily ever after.
The more I think about that, the more of a living hell it begins to look like. The deeper I look into that the more miserable I can predict my future having been.
I have 4 main passions in life.
In no particular order, that list would read:
Art
Music
Travel
Literature
What I saw my life as 5 years ago had little to no room at all for these things.
Looking back I can see how much I've grown as a person. Most importantly perhaps I realize how much pure garbage i've been fed about what my future would hold for me, how my life was to play out and what would make me happy.
I've realized i'm not like most people, I don't want what most people want.
I don't want that big house.
I don't want that fancy car.
I don't want that platinum visa card.
I don't want that ultra important position at work with an opportunity for a "bonus".
I don't want that picture perfect family, 2 warped kids a dog a cat and a husband I secretly hate.
I don't want that life.
Sometimes I think wanting something translates purely into thinking that you need that thing to make you happy.
I'd like to think that I am a better person than one who covets material things in order to make them feel whole.
Someone very important in my life said : "Consumerism is a poor interpretation of reality...your dreams are more alive than your plastic world of want."
And I couldn't agree with that more.
What do I dream of then?
I dream of writing something that will change people, of traveling the world on an empty pocketbook to see just what it has to offer me. I dream of building a kind of love in my friendships and relationships that cannot be tainted by distance or time. I dream of doing something purely because it makes me happy.
So what will make me happy?
I'm not sure.
I don't think I'll ever know until I somehow stumble upon it. I can only imagine that if I follow what feels good what I think is right and what makes me happy moment to moment, day to day, week to week, one day I'll wake up and discover that i've found it.
I don't believe happiness is something you can search for or create for yourself.
I can only feel that happiness is something that can be given to you and something that you can acheive.
I've felt moments of happiness. I've felt days upon days and sheer weeks of happiness. Only problem with this is that at some point in time it ends and I find myself back in the same old rut. Most of the reasoning from this i've come to find is that I keep going back to doing things because I'm expected to do them, not because I want to. I continue to follow the same paths that lead to the same undesireable places.
I'm done riding the safe road because the safe road is killing me.
If I keep going the way I've been I can only see myself in 10 years being the exact opposite of the person I would be proud to be.
I'm not changing myself.
I'm turning myself more into who i've always been.