maybe if i was beautiful
again another glorious year at hickory high, but i do believe that its a little better knowing that this is my last one here. i mean yes this does require leaving people behind but hey whats wrong with that, for one less drama because the people i seem to accumulate around me are forever having drama which in return gives me drama, which in return puts me in either a pissy or a depressed sort of mood!
so something weird started happening at the end of the summer, i mean nothing big just a little odd at that point in time... i mean something that happens that only you really notice you know that feeling. so basically all my ex bfs came back into my life, nothing serious again, well all but one. well that was until the other day. and i didnt realize how much i missed him until i had seen him, its rather depressing to think that since january all you have really done is secretly compare every guy you liked to him and none of them seemed to compare to him in the least. and its rather sad to know that he is extremely happy with a good friend of yours, knowing that you want him and knowing that you cant have him. knowing that he tried to get back with you but you shot him down time and time again. and then to see that you miss him more then ever.
it was just like the cartoons, you know when the ton gets dropped on them. well thats how it felt, i had done fine when he left and went off to college, and that i never saw him. but now that i see him again it just hit me so hard i had lost my breath, that my heart had skipped a beat that everything sort of stood still but then went in fast foward trying to catch back up with time and sending you into a downward spiral of mixed emotions and making you feel so alone and so lost in a place that you know so well but seem to know nothing about.
I mean i missed the way he looked at me and they way he would hold my hand. i miss the way he would hold me close and sing to me on the phone. i miss the ridiculous game ons and the bizarre conversations. i just plain miss him and now i cant get him out of my head, and you know whats even worse? the fact that i wish he was gone, the fact that i wish he never came back. and what makes it even worse is he will be there during the fall show while im crying and dieing and all that time ill be realizing how much he means to me and how little i actually mean to him.
it hurts to know that i did this, that i drove him away, that i was the one to break something so great that i had, that i took it for granted and didnt give a shit about throwing it away.
I guess i want you to know that i am so extremely sorry for everything and that im so ridiculousy happy that you are happy, but at the same time i am insanely jealous! I MISS YOU! and i dont think you even care! Love is such a waste of time!
so something weird started happening at the end of the summer, i mean nothing big just a little odd at that point in time... i mean something that happens that only you really notice you know that feeling. so basically all my ex bfs came back into my life, nothing serious again, well all but one. well that was until the other day. and i didnt realize how much i missed him until i had seen him, its rather depressing to think that since january all you have really done is secretly compare every guy you liked to him and none of them seemed to compare to him in the least. and its rather sad to know that he is extremely happy with a good friend of yours, knowing that you want him and knowing that you cant have him. knowing that he tried to get back with you but you shot him down time and time again. and then to see that you miss him more then ever.
it was just like the cartoons, you know when the ton gets dropped on them. well thats how it felt, i had done fine when he left and went off to college, and that i never saw him. but now that i see him again it just hit me so hard i had lost my breath, that my heart had skipped a beat that everything sort of stood still but then went in fast foward trying to catch back up with time and sending you into a downward spiral of mixed emotions and making you feel so alone and so lost in a place that you know so well but seem to know nothing about.
I mean i missed the way he looked at me and they way he would hold my hand. i miss the way he would hold me close and sing to me on the phone. i miss the ridiculous game ons and the bizarre conversations. i just plain miss him and now i cant get him out of my head, and you know whats even worse? the fact that i wish he was gone, the fact that i wish he never came back. and what makes it even worse is he will be there during the fall show while im crying and dieing and all that time ill be realizing how much he means to me and how little i actually mean to him.
it hurts to know that i did this, that i drove him away, that i was the one to break something so great that i had, that i took it for granted and didnt give a shit about throwing it away.
I guess i want you to know that i am so extremely sorry for everything and that im so ridiculousy happy that you are happy, but at the same time i am insanely jealous! I MISS YOU! and i dont think you even care! Love is such a waste of time!