(no subject)

[tinydancer_08]

 I've realized that I've spent my whole life romanticizing things. Everything. To the point where my life doesn't really make much sense. It explains a lot, I think, considering my character at least...and possibly even my goals and values. Nothing's ever deterred me. I find this odd, but, it's very possible that things may have popped up in the past that I just completely ignored because I'm such a focused individual...
I can't even begin to describe.
I'm faced with this new reality and I don't know what to do with it.
My brain hasn't stopped going in circles for days.

I feel like I'm slowly drifting from people I don't want to be away from. I feel like I have no control over the situation. My loner status is no longer glossed over.

I'm ready for the next step.

I hate who I am when I write things like this. 
I find it annoying that people post their revelations online.
I hate that it's fucking Christmas the day after Halloween.
I hate that everything is about "stuff" and who has what "stuff" and "Iwantthatstuff!"
I hate that I can never think of what to say.
I hate that people refuse/won't say anything.
I hate when people know something's wrong but refuse to do anything about it.
I hate that I've made myself sick.
I hate that I can't fix it. 
Mostly I hate that I can't love more/hate more/do more. until further notice.