huzban appreciation poast!
"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any fool can do.
"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two."
~Louis de Bernieres, "Corelli's Mandolin"
I love my husband. I love him a whole lot. In a month and a week, we'll have been together 6 years. I found pictures today of the first weekend I came up to Providence from Virginia to see him. I had just turned 18, he was newly 21. It seems like a lifetime ago, sharing the tiny twin bed in his dorm room, being hungry just to touch him and feel his hand in mine, because we were normally 900 miles away from each other. We've lived together for 4 1/2 years now, and it's so easy for me to forget how hard it was being away from him, not knowing when I'd see him next. Getting on the plane back to Virginia was always absolutely excruciating, heart wrenching, devastating. He cried. I cried. He'd always stay, watch me until I was through security and out of sight, waving and bawling and whispering "I love you". He'd call me on the drive home and we'd cry. I'd get on my plane and I'd cry. I think it's important not to forget that, to never forget what that felt like. I'm so fortunate to be here now, to see him every day. We work together, and he is almost never more than one room away from me. Most everyone we talk to says that would drive them mad, but we love it. I think we're as close to 'healthy co dependency', if that even exists, as it gets.
Ian is my best friend, and my biggest cheerleader. He is the most intelligent, most compassionate, kindest, funniest man I know. He amazes me every day. 6 years in, I still wake up every morning, rub my eyes, and think, "wow...that's my dude." He is almost never not 100% supportive. No matter what, this roguishly handsome astronaut cowboy has my back. After a long day at work, 10 minutes after taking his shoes off and settling down on the couch, he'll drive to the store, no questions asked, just because I want some pink lemonade. He gives me back rubs and tickles me when I'm sad and my head fits just right over his heart. He never steals the covers. He watches bad reality TV with me. He sings made up songs about how he loves me and I'm the cutest even though my farts smell bad. We sleep with a stuffed hippo named Henry, pronounced the French way. Henry is an alcoholic who sleeps too much, and only says 'Nom". Sometimes, Ian shoots me with Nerf guns while I'm in the bathtub, but that's okay. He's really good at investigating scary weird noises, making sandwiches, funny voices, cuddling, and making me laugh hysterically over really dumb shit. Living with him is a 24/7 awesome hilarious sexy slumber party. He is my favorite person on the planet, and I feel like I won every single fucking jackpot on the planet because I GET TO BE MARRIED TO THIS DUDE : D!!!
Inspired by this Offbeat Bride post, I've been thinking a lot about 'old love" vs "new love". We read the quote at the start of this entry during our wedding ceremony, and I really think it is so so so true. I don't look at Ian and feel butterflies anymore, I don't feel that breathless spark, but that's okay, because I look at Ian and I feel home, and that is far better. When we lived in Providence, I thought that was home. The same thing with Hull. I felt at home in London and in Portland. I realized a few years ago that home isn't a place now, It's wherever Ian is. The intimacy and depth and security of what we have now is a billion times better than the sickly sweet rush of "new love". We have those incredibly entangled roots now. I barely remember my life before him and I couldn't imagine my life without him.