THE AKAME MASS COMMENT FICCY THING
Prompt. Write. Stalk. Pimp.
HAVE AT IT.
This entry:
→ Is always second from the top. Not anymore. :D
→ Has no time limits whatsoever, so it can be spammed for as long as you wish. (as much as you want)
→ Is lilmatchgirl007's fault.
→ Is pretty damn awesome, I believe.
An extra note: you can prompt even if you don't plan to write; the idea is porn!, but you can ( Read more... )
Why would he call Jin if he didn't want to talk to him? It wasn't like he didn't try, it was just... "I don't know what to say," he admitted awkwardly. Gone were the easy days when he could tell Jin anything, when he knew before he said it how Jin would react, when he knew which topics to avoid and which ones to treat with care. He just didn't know how to talk to Jin at all anymore, afraid of saying the wrong thing or too much, and it hurt him as much as it apparently hurt Jin, but the last thing he wanted to do was say something that would make Jin stop picking up the phone when he called.
He was surprised again, shocked really, by the response, the way Jin audibly melted over the phone, the warmth and affection in his voice and more than anything, shocked by the words - my Kazuya. Jin hadn't called him Kazuya for years, and certainly not 'his'. Kame tried to squash the rising bubble of hope in his chest, the wild elation as his brain tried frantically to decide what that meant.
I thought you were mad at me...we're friends, right, Kazu-chan? Kazu-chan, jesus. Kame just sat in stunned silence, listening as Jin went on and unable to believe what he was hearing. Friends? Jin thought Kame was mad at him? He wanted to be friends?
"Mmm," Kame answered, stalling while he tried to process it all. Friends like they used to be, he supposed Jin meant, and right at this moment that was a gift he couldn't pass up. It was enough, he told himself, it would be enough, it was more than he thought they'd ever have again, not so long ago. He wouldn't allow himself to be depressed that it wasn't more, he wouldn't.
But he could hear the weariness in his own voice when he answered, because going back to being very close friends with Jin, knowing that he didn't want more, was very akin to torture. "I guess," he said quietly, wanting to hope, but worrying. Aching still. "I guess that's what we are." If that was what Jin wanted, it would have to be good enough for him. It was at least so much better than the stiff and awkward silence.
Jin actually sounded relieved by his answer, which made Kame's mood lighten a little again, and he even smiled a bit as Jin returned to rambling at him with a fresh burst of energy and good cheer. Kame let himself believe it, that Jin really wanted at least that much, that he missed being close friends. It was going to be hell, but he couldn't turn it down.
He leaned his head back against the wall and just listened and listened, smiling through strangely blurry vision, drinking in the happy note of glee in Jin's voice, the voice that sounded, in spite of a slight slur, more like the old Jin than he had when talking to Kame for a very long time.
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ilu ♥♥
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ilu moast. <33333
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their conversation and their thoughts~
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♥
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He spent another few days worrying about that, not wanting to call Jin and have him not answer because he wasn't sure he could stand it if Jin wasn't taking his calls anymore. By the time he decided the hell with it, and he had to know, it was almost three weeks later. He bit his lip when the phone rang four times, and then Jin finally answered. It was tense and horrible, both of them hesitating and interrupting each other when they did try to say something, Jin sounding stilted and miserable and Kame had no idea what to say.
Finally Jin burst out with his apology, I'm really sorry. I was so drunk, I said stupid things, you shouldn't pay attention to me when I'm drunk.
Kame felt his breath catch in his chest, a hot, sharp ache that burned deep, and he listened numbly as Jin apologized over and over, clearly not wanting him to take anything he'd said seriously, and Kame felt the world crash and burn around him.
"Shut up," he said finally, sharply, unable to listen to it for another second, and Jin didn't sound like he was going to stop of his own accord. "It's fine," he added stiffly. "I forgot it already." He tucked the dream away, buried it deep and just ached while he listened to Jin stumble from topic to topic for another hour before he finally couldn't take it any more and interrupted him to say it was late, he had to go, work tomorrow and all that.
He felt dead inside, crushed, and he went to bed and buried his face in his pillow until he just about suffocated, because he refused to cry. He'd been a fool, that was all. Drunk ramblings didn't mean anything. Jin didn't really want to go back to the way things were. He wanted this, this awkward distance, this uneasy truce, and Kame refused to let his heart break. It was all his own fault.
After that it was hard, brutally hard to force himself to dial Jin's number, listen for the rings and wonder if this time, there would be no answer. But he still did it, every week or so, torturing himself with the sound of Jin's voice because no matter what their relationship might be, he missed Jin, missed him bad and just wanted him home again. A part of the group again, even if Kame himself would never have any more of Jin than the surface.
Gradually they settled back into their former pattern, where Kame called and Jin rambled brightly about nothing until one of them called it off, and Kame hated himself for how much, how desperately he needed to hear Jin's voice, even knowing that he didn't really mean anything to Jin. They were colleagues, that was all. Friends perhaps, but barely.
It hurt more than anything had ever hurt in his life, and when he finally decided that he would let himself cry, he couldn't - it was all locked in a hard, painful knot in his gut, and he couldn't even release it in tears. They refused to come.
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but of cos in a gd way because e story's too good.
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He told himself it didn't, that Jin was just bored or something and needed someone to ramble at, but he sighed, falling down on the couch and stretching himself out as he hit the button for messages, listening for Jin's voice and smiling a little bittersweet smile.
He sat bolt upright when the message started playing, startled and staring, wide eyed as he listened. Jin was obviously drunk, but...Kame listened bemusedly, shaking his head a little and feeling even more dazed than he had on the phone the last time this had happened.
"Kame... do you even like me anymore?" Not a whine, but almost desperate, honest hurt. It sounded real, sounded like he meant it, but what was Kame supposed to think? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Kame felt like he was tied to somebody's yo-yo, yanked up and down, back and forth and spun until he was dizzy. "I mean, you said we're still friends but it doesn't feel like it, it just...jus' doesn't feel like it!"
Jin sounded absolutely miserable, and Kame was completely baffled. It was Jin who didn't want to be friends anymore, wanted to keep the distance and the space, wanted...who the hell even knew what Jin wanted, Kame decided, because he was beginning to suspect that Jin himself didn't. It was the only explanation for all the mixed signals he was getting.
"You're mad at me about somethin' and I don't know why..." Was he crying? Shit, he sounded like he was crying. True, he was drunk, but Kame had never felt more stunned in his entire life. Just like last time... all the same things, and it wasn't that he didn't mean it. That wasn't it at all. Jin might be drunk, but that pain was real. "I know I'm stupid but you don't have to call me if you don't want to talk to me...Kame? Why don't you like me anymore, Kazu-chan? I still like you, I like you best, Kazuya, but you don't like me anymore."
Kame just shook his head over and over, not even knowing whether to laugh or cry. He hadn't been kidding himself, last time. He hadn't been wrong. Jin really was missing him too - feeling the distance and hurting just as much. Stupid, stupid Jin. How did anyone not like Jin, that was what Kame would like to know. He was just irresistible like that - even when he was a complete idiot, like now.
There was a very long silence in which Jin sniffled some more, and Kame just listened to him breathing, closing his eyes and hardly breathing himself until the message cut off. Then he let out a long sigh and dropped the phone, sitting motionless, staring blindly into nowhere and finally rubbing his head wearily. Jin was an idiot. He really needed to start remembering that.
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