My near death experience
It only seems appropriate that, on the day of satan (6-6-06), to write about the near death experience I had this week. When one lays in bed on their side, it is normal to rest their hand on their upper thigh. However, I felt something different this time. A lump. Hummmmmmm, what is that? So I get up and go to the bathroom to look in the mirror. It appears as though something has bitten me, so I go see mom and ask her to look at it, because it is rather large, about the size of a quarter, swollen and all. But she is busy, and I have to wait for her to come look. So, while I wait, my mind gets to work at what it is. My first theory is that is a a bug that has laid its eggs inside me. Soon, they will hatch, infiltrate my blood stream, and then explode out, eating me from the inside out. Next thought: it is an alien mark. It looked almost like a where someone had given me a shot. Of course, it is where aliens had kidnapped me, taken my blood, and plan on cloning an army of me in order to take over the world.
Well, mom comes out and looks at it, and shows no sympathy to my theories at all. Well, to help with the swelling, she goes off to find some benadrill. We don't have any benadrill, so mom finds the only other cream that reduces swelling: Preparation H. So with Preparation H swathed on my skin, and reassurance that alien bugs didn't attack me, I go to bed.
But this is only half the story.
Next morning I wake up, having forgotten about the fears from the night before. Until I see the 2 inch cockroach hanging out on my bathrobe. 4 inch antennae span!!! wriggling everywhere like he was smelling me. Here was the alien bug that laid its eggs inside me!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I was paralyzed with fear, but only for a moment. Then I called mom. Where's the raid!?!?!?!? get it, and BLAST THE CRAP out of the thing until its creepy feelers quit moving. I had to wait for Ryan to get home to remove the body.
As a follow up, a few days later (last night) Ryan and I saw another, smaller alien in the living room climbing the wall all the way up to the ceiling. After a long, nervous battle (the bug kept disappearing), Ryan threw its lifeless(i think) carcass into the trash.
Be warned citizens, the invasion has begone!!
al
Well, mom comes out and looks at it, and shows no sympathy to my theories at all. Well, to help with the swelling, she goes off to find some benadrill. We don't have any benadrill, so mom finds the only other cream that reduces swelling: Preparation H. So with Preparation H swathed on my skin, and reassurance that alien bugs didn't attack me, I go to bed.
But this is only half the story.
Next morning I wake up, having forgotten about the fears from the night before. Until I see the 2 inch cockroach hanging out on my bathrobe. 4 inch antennae span!!! wriggling everywhere like he was smelling me. Here was the alien bug that laid its eggs inside me!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I was paralyzed with fear, but only for a moment. Then I called mom. Where's the raid!?!?!?!? get it, and BLAST THE CRAP out of the thing until its creepy feelers quit moving. I had to wait for Ryan to get home to remove the body.
As a follow up, a few days later (last night) Ryan and I saw another, smaller alien in the living room climbing the wall all the way up to the ceiling. After a long, nervous battle (the bug kept disappearing), Ryan threw its lifeless(i think) carcass into the trash.
Be warned citizens, the invasion has begone!!
al