forgive me for my haste as i'm holding you so, girl, close to me
you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me close to you. you kissed the crown of my head and whispered the lyrics into my ear. and i was happy to be there. to be yours. to feel your arms arouns me. to feel your body pressed against mine. to feel your breath on my ear and neck and your fingers in my hair. "'cause in your eyes love it grows so i'm bare boned and crazy for you" and later when we layed in that silly twin bed your arms wrapped around me, my face buried in your neck or your face in my hair. and the way you brushed my hair behind my ear and pushed my shirt up so that you could let your lips brush my stomach, in the most delicate kiss that has ever graced my body, before you got up. and i am stuck on how it felt to be yours. to feel your hand in mine or on my knee. to have you tell me i looked lovely. or the way that you fit me so perfectly. you made me feel clean and new and innocent even as you pressed between my legs. it was perfect. so perfect it was like a dream. and the way you looked at me. like i was the most perfect, beautiful girl you had ever seen. everything with you felt like the first time. like you were the first to see me, the first to feel me, the first to look at me with such awe, with such vivid emotion. i hated when you left in the mornings. i didn't wake up always. but i hated not waking up in your arms, curled against you. and as we walked down the beach and discussed our futures i felt so right. being with you was the most certain i had ever felt. you carried me from bed and undressed me so carefully stood me in front of the mirror and told me you loved everything you saw. and then as you held me under the hot running water and pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my mouth like you meant i couldn't think of being with anyone else. but as certain as i was being with you, i was just as certain that i could feel you slipping through my fingers on that eight hour drive home. i could tell that i was losing you just like i had the first time four years earlier. you are the one person i couldn't bear to lose. not again. not this time. i reached my hand out to touch you and you flinched but let me leave my hand there. and i knew i was losing you again. and i tried so hard to cling to the little parts of you i had. to touch just one last time as you drifted further away from me. and you looked at me like you hated me then. and i know that now when i look at your pictures i look at them the same. like i hate you.