Copy and paste much? Yeah. Much.
Sometimes I'll look at you and wonder if ever there are other times you're looking back at me.
The sleep won't set in, so I've decided to pacify my thoughts by draining them from my mind. Yeah. I'm just going to write. I don't know about what. I have no plans for this entry. But since it's going to be private, the resulting outcome should be interesting.
I'm running out of time, livejournal. If you must know, I really am. The days are running out and they're slipping past me and they're sliding by me, and I can't catch one before the next one comes along. Graduation is around the corner. College is around the next. And my plans? These plans I've structured and planned and aspired to adhere to for my future? They're unraveling. Everything I've set my sights on to achieve I've achieved, and now I don't know where to go from here. Now that I've satisfied the thrill factor of getting good grades and getting into college, I've lost my drive. Or. Well. A substantial part of my drive. And I don't know what I'm supposed to or expected to do with myself from here on out.
Everyone wants me to go away. They want to get rid of me. Put me on a flight to New York City, and settle for seeing me only twice a year. Because they think it's what I want. And it's cute and sweet and all to know that people are trying to support me in what they think I want to do, but I'm not sure this is what I want anymore. I'm not sure I'm ready for that final destination. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be thrusted full-force into independence. I mean, I don't even have my license yet. What does that tell you about me? And people want me to be happy, and they want to be happy for me, and it's not making the decision process any easier. Right now my options are NYU or California, and that's about it. And it's crazy to think that this dream of mine from the past year has actually become a tangible possibility, but I'm beginning to question whether it really is just a dream or just an extended fantasy.
The difference between a hope a wish a dream and a fantasy is that we don't expect to achieve our fantasies. We expect for the next best thing, and our fantasies merely serve to entertain our imaginative faculties. I don't know if I'm ok with living my fantasy, assuming that NYU is really just a fantasy and not my life's aspiration. Whatever. I have another month and a half, at the very least. I don't really want to think about this. Think about walking away from everything I've known and everyone I hope to know more. I've finally started to settle into high school, and now I'm leaving it. Ironic, right? I'm not sure if I'm ok with another huge transition and another new life-altering change.
But enough with the redundance.
Let's back together. Let's get back forever. Hey lover. Let's you and I make a memory of a moment. Make a mountain out of a molehill. Let's exaggerate these dopamine feelings of elation, and let's just go with it. Seriously. Let's just be in it. You and I. Yeah, let's get in it. Let's do it let's do it let's live it. Let's live in yesterday and today and tomorrow and the week after next and the year after that. What have we got to lose? Certainly not each other.
Because hey lover. Let's be infinite. Let's be really infinite. Let's write screenplays featuring the stars of you and I, written about how we radiate off each other on the stage of our world. The stage is finally set, and let's just perform until the lights go out and the applause dies down to silence. Can we please please please even just live in the silence of unspoken sentiments and understood emotions? Because I could settle with that, yeah, I think.
Hey lover. Let's be in it. Let's be in life. Let's be in love. Let's let's let's. Let. Us. What endless possibilities.
And on that final note, I really need to start writing things in my journal, and not on my arm. Goodnight.
The sleep won't set in, so I've decided to pacify my thoughts by draining them from my mind. Yeah. I'm just going to write. I don't know about what. I have no plans for this entry. But since it's going to be private, the resulting outcome should be interesting.
I'm running out of time, livejournal. If you must know, I really am. The days are running out and they're slipping past me and they're sliding by me, and I can't catch one before the next one comes along. Graduation is around the corner. College is around the next. And my plans? These plans I've structured and planned and aspired to adhere to for my future? They're unraveling. Everything I've set my sights on to achieve I've achieved, and now I don't know where to go from here. Now that I've satisfied the thrill factor of getting good grades and getting into college, I've lost my drive. Or. Well. A substantial part of my drive. And I don't know what I'm supposed to or expected to do with myself from here on out.
Everyone wants me to go away. They want to get rid of me. Put me on a flight to New York City, and settle for seeing me only twice a year. Because they think it's what I want. And it's cute and sweet and all to know that people are trying to support me in what they think I want to do, but I'm not sure this is what I want anymore. I'm not sure I'm ready for that final destination. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be thrusted full-force into independence. I mean, I don't even have my license yet. What does that tell you about me? And people want me to be happy, and they want to be happy for me, and it's not making the decision process any easier. Right now my options are NYU or California, and that's about it. And it's crazy to think that this dream of mine from the past year has actually become a tangible possibility, but I'm beginning to question whether it really is just a dream or just an extended fantasy.
The difference between a hope a wish a dream and a fantasy is that we don't expect to achieve our fantasies. We expect for the next best thing, and our fantasies merely serve to entertain our imaginative faculties. I don't know if I'm ok with living my fantasy, assuming that NYU is really just a fantasy and not my life's aspiration. Whatever. I have another month and a half, at the very least. I don't really want to think about this. Think about walking away from everything I've known and everyone I hope to know more. I've finally started to settle into high school, and now I'm leaving it. Ironic, right? I'm not sure if I'm ok with another huge transition and another new life-altering change.
But enough with the redundance.
Let's back together. Let's get back forever. Hey lover. Let's you and I make a memory of a moment. Make a mountain out of a molehill. Let's exaggerate these dopamine feelings of elation, and let's just go with it. Seriously. Let's just be in it. You and I. Yeah, let's get in it. Let's do it let's do it let's live it. Let's live in yesterday and today and tomorrow and the week after next and the year after that. What have we got to lose? Certainly not each other.
Because hey lover. Let's be infinite. Let's be really infinite. Let's write screenplays featuring the stars of you and I, written about how we radiate off each other on the stage of our world. The stage is finally set, and let's just perform until the lights go out and the applause dies down to silence. Can we please please please even just live in the silence of unspoken sentiments and understood emotions? Because I could settle with that, yeah, I think.
Hey lover. Let's be in it. Let's be in life. Let's be in love. Let's let's let's. Let. Us. What endless possibilities.
And on that final note, I really need to start writing things in my journal, and not on my arm. Goodnight.