confession

[tiny_tinkerbell]

I wouldn't believe it if it were happening to anyone but me, but I've actually met my grandma...

So I haven't really shared this here before.  My grandmother was/is a cult leader (semi-retired, but living off "donations" and "tithe" people send her, as she's done for the past thirty years).  She has written books and had websites in the past on the

Comments

[tiny_tinkerbell]

The strange thing is that I'm only now recognizing how truly weird it was. I always knew she was "quirky" and "religious" and strict but... denial is a powerful thing, and if you never see normal, you don't know what it's supposed to look like. My early life was a confusing mix of authoritarian religious control and child neglect. This is really the first time I've been honest about some of this stuff. The PTSD from everything going on with my ex and the restraining order just brought it all up I guess. Plus we were reading a book about a cult in my american history class and it kept reminding me of childhood. Middle East dictators and Hitler always remind me of my grandmother: charismatic, authoritarian, convinced he/she has all the answers, nutso.

And my mom sat by silently and never ever came to my rescue. And last night/this morning, I told her so. I told her she hadn't protected me and that I was really angry. I said this while bawling hysterically for like the 9th hour straight. SERIOUSLY need to get some (medication) pills. Highest priority on my to-do list tomorrow, let me tell you. Stupid insurance games I have to play make it really hard to get actual HELP when you need it.

Sorry for the rant. Hard month/semester

[mwana_isimu]

Stupid insurance games I have to play make it really hard to get actual HELP when you need it.

Does your school have a clinic with free medications? I also wondered if there might be counseling services there available for students who having eating disorders. I know that at my school, there are a couple of counselors who specialize in working with students with ED's.

I'm sorry your semester is going so rough. :-(