It's Been a While...
It's been a while, apparently, and it will probably be a very long while if I ever decide to post again. Looking over all of my former posts I’m kind of embarrassed with how much of myself I shared with everyone; more than a little inappropriate, but I suppose there’s nothing to do about it now.
Anyhoo, the reason I decided to pop back on here, was that I finally reread HBP and DH. I read each of them once, when they came out, and when I say “read” I actually mean I plowed through them as fast as I could to find out what happened so I could either draw it or use it for my fan fics. Needless to say, the reasons why I wanted to find out what happened were the exact reasons why, up until last month, I hated them. I hated them so much, and so did my circles of friends, so I never gave them another thought. It wasn’t until the past year or so, when I was talking to people about how much I hated the books and I got weird looks, that I began to wonder if I was remembering them incorrectly. Then I went to see the Deathly Hallows movie, and was blown away by how much fun it was (and no, it wasn’t just because it was the first date night I had been on in over 10 months). I was also a little disturbed by how much I didn’t remember. So after having finally finished reading LotR (Yeah, that only took three years), I picked up HBP for the first time in over 5 years, and I enjoyed it. Then last night I just finished reading DH and everything made sense.
For the past five (six?) years, I’ve been hating these book for what they represented: an ending. Harry Potter helped change my life. Almost a decade ago this month I picked up Philosopher’s Stone, after a horrible year of grade 10, and fell in love with a world where anything was possible, including equality of the sexes, among other things. It no longer mattered what happened in school, or what happened in my life, I had Harry and his friends to offer me a distraction. Then, when I finished the GoF, I discovered fan fiction and fan art, and my happy bubble continued to exist around me. Through Harry Potter I discovered my voice as a writer, as well as trained my hand up for drawing; and sitting in my room, listening to music and drawing or writing was one of the most wonderful uses of time I have ever had. It didn’t matter that I was the awkward, pimply girl, who had very bad luck with friends, because this world was something I could spread my wings out in and feel content.
So when the last two books came out I wasn’t looking for an ending; I was looking for more things to keep my bubble alive. However, it was all shattered with what she made Snape do. I don’t think that I have ever felt that depressed in my life (and that is saying something), for that 16 hour period after finishing that book. How could I have been so wrong about my beloved Snapeypoo? It wasn’t until I read one girl’s interpretation of events (which were eerily accurate) that I came to terms with what had happened. But the damage was done: my bubble was broken.
It’s weird, now that I look back on it, all of my problems line up with this book. My odd brain fog kicked in shortly after finishing HBP, my drawing and writing died slowly after that. Sure, I planned out a lot more of my world, but I didn’t have the right mindset, or gave myself the proper amount of time to do anything with it. No, instead I went to art school, where I was horribly under challenged, started going to bars, drinking, and eventually, started dating boys; stupid boys who didn’t deserve me at all. Unfortunately it started a trend, and I went on this odd downward spiral, where I eventually kicked out everyone in my life that should have been there, and surrounded myself with people who had no business being in my life. I am ashamed to say that this wasn’t just a year long period, but one that lasted about 5 years.
It was odd: it took four separate, horrible (in their own special ways) boys before things changed. The catalyst: I was told that I “was really lucky that someone loved me despite my quirks.” Which was ridiculous, and for the first time in over five years I realized that, and for once did something about it. Within the next few days, as I did the last few days of work before the end of the season, I realized that all of my abandonment issues were self-imposed. Everyone that had left me eventually came back, I was stronger because of it all, and at the same time I was mostly the same person. Better yet, waiting around me were a whole bunch of new, wonderful people that had just been waiting for me to see them properly. And I sure did. I got rid of the fourth guy, and traded him in for the boy I had previously hated (because he always pointed out how big of a douche the third boy was), and then went about collecting all of my friends back, as well as solidifying new friendships. Not all of them came back, but I’m okay with that. It’s funny, last summer I quit my job so I could focus on my art, and I drew a lot and had a lot of fun with it, but it wasn’t until today that I realized exactly how much I need art in my life.
Wow, that was a lot more rambling than I anticipated. Let me get to the point then, shall I? Now that I have read the last two books again I realize that they are wonderful. They wrap up the series in such a way that almost all of the loose ends are tied up, and it was still full of twists and turns. Sure, there are areas that I can argue about, mainly Draco, but I won’t, because I realize now that it doesn’t matter any more. I don’t need them any more. Sure, I still love all of them dearly, and I look forward to when I can sit down and reread the series again and enjoy it, but I don’t need the bubble anymore. Somehow, after dragging myself through what felt like emotional hell, I ended up exactly where I need to be. It’s going to take a lot of work yet to get where I want to go, and I have a lot of things to fix in myself, but for the first time in my life I truly feel that everything is going to sort itself out in one way or another, I just have to be patient and persistent. And I find it quite amusing that it took ten years of Harry Potter love to get myself to this point. I suppose the movie posters are accurate, in that, for me at least, IT ALL ENDS.
And on that note, here is my final drawing of Draco and Ginny:
Character: Draco & Ginny
Rating: G
Series: Harry Potter
Medium: Ink, Pencil Crayons, and Copic Markers.
Link: Waiting for a Train
If you are interested, I have a website of my work, and will eventually have a new sketch blog, or some sketchy type thing, where I will be posting my work from now on. Unless I have another odd HP related revelation, this blog shall remain for Tiny Q and her HP obsession alone, so in other words, this is all there is.
www.theillustrativetakeover.com
P.S. Happy Canada Day!!
Anyhoo, the reason I decided to pop back on here, was that I finally reread HBP and DH. I read each of them once, when they came out, and when I say “read” I actually mean I plowed through them as fast as I could to find out what happened so I could either draw it or use it for my fan fics. Needless to say, the reasons why I wanted to find out what happened were the exact reasons why, up until last month, I hated them. I hated them so much, and so did my circles of friends, so I never gave them another thought. It wasn’t until the past year or so, when I was talking to people about how much I hated the books and I got weird looks, that I began to wonder if I was remembering them incorrectly. Then I went to see the Deathly Hallows movie, and was blown away by how much fun it was (and no, it wasn’t just because it was the first date night I had been on in over 10 months). I was also a little disturbed by how much I didn’t remember. So after having finally finished reading LotR (Yeah, that only took three years), I picked up HBP for the first time in over 5 years, and I enjoyed it. Then last night I just finished reading DH and everything made sense.
For the past five (six?) years, I’ve been hating these book for what they represented: an ending. Harry Potter helped change my life. Almost a decade ago this month I picked up Philosopher’s Stone, after a horrible year of grade 10, and fell in love with a world where anything was possible, including equality of the sexes, among other things. It no longer mattered what happened in school, or what happened in my life, I had Harry and his friends to offer me a distraction. Then, when I finished the GoF, I discovered fan fiction and fan art, and my happy bubble continued to exist around me. Through Harry Potter I discovered my voice as a writer, as well as trained my hand up for drawing; and sitting in my room, listening to music and drawing or writing was one of the most wonderful uses of time I have ever had. It didn’t matter that I was the awkward, pimply girl, who had very bad luck with friends, because this world was something I could spread my wings out in and feel content.
So when the last two books came out I wasn’t looking for an ending; I was looking for more things to keep my bubble alive. However, it was all shattered with what she made Snape do. I don’t think that I have ever felt that depressed in my life (and that is saying something), for that 16 hour period after finishing that book. How could I have been so wrong about my beloved Snapeypoo? It wasn’t until I read one girl’s interpretation of events (which were eerily accurate) that I came to terms with what had happened. But the damage was done: my bubble was broken.
It’s weird, now that I look back on it, all of my problems line up with this book. My odd brain fog kicked in shortly after finishing HBP, my drawing and writing died slowly after that. Sure, I planned out a lot more of my world, but I didn’t have the right mindset, or gave myself the proper amount of time to do anything with it. No, instead I went to art school, where I was horribly under challenged, started going to bars, drinking, and eventually, started dating boys; stupid boys who didn’t deserve me at all. Unfortunately it started a trend, and I went on this odd downward spiral, where I eventually kicked out everyone in my life that should have been there, and surrounded myself with people who had no business being in my life. I am ashamed to say that this wasn’t just a year long period, but one that lasted about 5 years.
It was odd: it took four separate, horrible (in their own special ways) boys before things changed. The catalyst: I was told that I “was really lucky that someone loved me despite my quirks.” Which was ridiculous, and for the first time in over five years I realized that, and for once did something about it. Within the next few days, as I did the last few days of work before the end of the season, I realized that all of my abandonment issues were self-imposed. Everyone that had left me eventually came back, I was stronger because of it all, and at the same time I was mostly the same person. Better yet, waiting around me were a whole bunch of new, wonderful people that had just been waiting for me to see them properly. And I sure did. I got rid of the fourth guy, and traded him in for the boy I had previously hated (because he always pointed out how big of a douche the third boy was), and then went about collecting all of my friends back, as well as solidifying new friendships. Not all of them came back, but I’m okay with that. It’s funny, last summer I quit my job so I could focus on my art, and I drew a lot and had a lot of fun with it, but it wasn’t until today that I realized exactly how much I need art in my life.
Wow, that was a lot more rambling than I anticipated. Let me get to the point then, shall I? Now that I have read the last two books again I realize that they are wonderful. They wrap up the series in such a way that almost all of the loose ends are tied up, and it was still full of twists and turns. Sure, there are areas that I can argue about, mainly Draco, but I won’t, because I realize now that it doesn’t matter any more. I don’t need them any more. Sure, I still love all of them dearly, and I look forward to when I can sit down and reread the series again and enjoy it, but I don’t need the bubble anymore. Somehow, after dragging myself through what felt like emotional hell, I ended up exactly where I need to be. It’s going to take a lot of work yet to get where I want to go, and I have a lot of things to fix in myself, but for the first time in my life I truly feel that everything is going to sort itself out in one way or another, I just have to be patient and persistent. And I find it quite amusing that it took ten years of Harry Potter love to get myself to this point. I suppose the movie posters are accurate, in that, for me at least, IT ALL ENDS.
And on that note, here is my final drawing of Draco and Ginny:
Character: Draco & Ginny
Rating: G
Series: Harry Potter
Medium: Ink, Pencil Crayons, and Copic Markers.
Link: Waiting for a Train
If you are interested, I have a website of my work, and will eventually have a new sketch blog, or some sketchy type thing, where I will be posting my work from now on. Unless I have another odd HP related revelation, this blog shall remain for Tiny Q and her HP obsession alone, so in other words, this is all there is.
www.theillustrativetakeover.com
P.S. Happy Canada Day!!