What am I gonna do?
After receiving that dreaded text, I was stuck for a moment, then tears started falling down from my eyes, it’s been a long time since I last cried and I must say I still enjoy crying (Weird?) Well, it somehow lessens my burden whenever I cry and I thank God ‘coz he truly gives me comfort. I don’t know how but whenever I breakdown and call unto Him I just feel a lot better…Well, moving on, after not receiving a reply, I sorta became hysterical. I didn’t wanna hurt anybody but I guess I already did…
I woke up the next morning with a message from him, I didn’t know if he fell asleep or he just didn’t know what to say but I was able to receive a message from him at around 4 in the morning and only when I woke up was I able to read it…I told him the reason why I kept on insisting we’re just friends but to my surprise, his reply was a again a reminder of how painful it is for him to accept the fact that we’re just friends but he told me that nothing’s gonna change…I find it hard to believe because people change and I know that there will come a time that he will be sick and tired of waiting, that he’ll find someone new and I know that he can’t be content with just being friends…I don’t want to be too attached to a person ‘coz I fear being left behind. I’ve already had my share of grief for being left behind by those people close to me and I believe I’ve had enough…
That same day, I never thought I would see him, he was still in Tuguegarao the morning he texted so I thought there was no way he could make it to the Bible Study in Manila later that night, but he did manage to make it. I could not look him in the eye, I don’t know why I’m the one who feels the awkwardness, maybe because I’m guilty of hurting someone although it was never my intention…But I think I need to thank him, because of him my cousin and I became close…we talk about him. My cousin shares all the conversations they’ve had and vice-versa but I tend to hold back some information because I fear that they might talk about it…but they proved me wrong, I thought he was like the other guys, (as what women call them, “kiss and tell”) but he wasn’t. I was shocked my cousin didn’t know about the incident to think they were also communicating while he was away, so eventually I spilled the beans, we were both laughing, and sharing experiences and conversations we’ve had but a part of me felt bad and sad at the same time because the fact that he was hurt still haunts me.
It’s the first time I am faced with this kind of dilemma, maybe for others, turning down a person maybe as easy as 123 but not for me, especially if you’re going to see that person often, it’s really hard. I know it would be better for us…so I guess a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do…
I woke up the next morning with a message from him, I didn’t know if he fell asleep or he just didn’t know what to say but I was able to receive a message from him at around 4 in the morning and only when I woke up was I able to read it…I told him the reason why I kept on insisting we’re just friends but to my surprise, his reply was a again a reminder of how painful it is for him to accept the fact that we’re just friends but he told me that nothing’s gonna change…I find it hard to believe because people change and I know that there will come a time that he will be sick and tired of waiting, that he’ll find someone new and I know that he can’t be content with just being friends…I don’t want to be too attached to a person ‘coz I fear being left behind. I’ve already had my share of grief for being left behind by those people close to me and I believe I’ve had enough…
That same day, I never thought I would see him, he was still in Tuguegarao the morning he texted so I thought there was no way he could make it to the Bible Study in Manila later that night, but he did manage to make it. I could not look him in the eye, I don’t know why I’m the one who feels the awkwardness, maybe because I’m guilty of hurting someone although it was never my intention…But I think I need to thank him, because of him my cousin and I became close…we talk about him. My cousin shares all the conversations they’ve had and vice-versa but I tend to hold back some information because I fear that they might talk about it…but they proved me wrong, I thought he was like the other guys, (as what women call them, “kiss and tell”) but he wasn’t. I was shocked my cousin didn’t know about the incident to think they were also communicating while he was away, so eventually I spilled the beans, we were both laughing, and sharing experiences and conversations we’ve had but a part of me felt bad and sad at the same time because the fact that he was hurt still haunts me.
It’s the first time I am faced with this kind of dilemma, maybe for others, turning down a person maybe as easy as 123 but not for me, especially if you’re going to see that person often, it’s really hard. I know it would be better for us…so I guess a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do…