I Think We Should Just Be Friends With Sexual Tension: Part Two

[bekkis]

Part Two

Finn calls him around lunch time on Friday.

“I need to get drunk.”

Kurt giggles and sits back in his dad’s office chair, legs crossed. “Bad week?” He glances out of the office window and watches as his dad waves his arms at one of his workers. Lord knows what he’s yelling about now. Yesterday it was because the guy’s overalls weren’t dirty enough, so clearly he wasn’t working hard enough. Kurt doesn’t even know anymore. He’s learned to stay the hell away from his dad when he gets in his moods.

“Worst week ever. Please tell me you like bars. I need to go to a bar tonight.”

“Oh ,Finn, I like bars. I am a big fan of bars. I like drinking in bars. I like dancing in bars. I like picking up boys in bars. I’m just not so sure the bars here in Lima will like me.” He’s pretty sure the openly gay population is pretty low in this town and him going to a bar is just asking for trouble.

“Are there, like, gay bars? We could go to one. If we go to a regular bar, then girls are just gonna hit on me.”

Kurt bites his lip. “And you think you won’t get hit on at a gay bar?”

“Uh, well won’t they just think I’m your boyfriend?” Finn sounds adorably confused.

Not that he doesn’t appreciate the gesture, but he’s not sure he wants to see Finn in a bar getting hit on by other guys. “Not necessarily. But we can go if you want.”

“I’m totally...what’s the word? I’m secure in my manliness. I can be seen drinking a girly drink in a gay bar.”

Kurt giggles at that. “Oh, we have to go now, because I need to see this. I’ll be done here by 5, but then I need to shower the garage smell off of me.”

“Just call me when you’re ready. I can take a nap or somethin’.”

Kurt’s distracted the rest of the day. There’s a place not too far out of Lima that’s gay friendly, but he’s not entirely sure how serious Finn was about going to one. It’s one thing to say you’re secure enough to be seen in a gay bar, it’s another to actually go to one. He had this friend in college who said that and then high tailed it out of the bar when he kept getting hit on. And he knows Finn’s gonna get hit on. He’s still fucking adorable.

This is probably a bad idea.

&&&

Kurt takes forever to get ready, he knows this. But he’s been back in Lima for almost a month and he hasn’t been able to let loose in a long time. He misses going out and just having a good time. He’s reduced to dancing in his car on the way to work every morning. And that’s just sad.

He calls Finn twenty minutes before he’s ready to leave, and he totally wakes Finn up from his nap. He sounds sleepy and drowsy and so fucking adorable that Kurt wants to hug him.

This crush is getting ridiculous.

He waves at his dad as he leaves and syncs up his dance party mix on his IPod as he pulls out of the driveway. Finn’s waiting on his front porch when Kurt pulls up to his house.

He looks really hot. Kurt lets himself check Finn out as he bounds up to the car, his tight button up shirt is clinging to his chest and the sleeves are rolled up, showing off his arms. His dark jeans make his ass look fabulous. Kurt’s trying not to drool as Finn pulls himself into the SUV. This is such a bad idea. He’s always bad at keeping himself in check when he drinks. He just needs to remember to not drink too much because he’s driving and because he needs to not make an ass out of himself.

“You look fabulous.” So much for keeping himself under control. He’s not even drunk yet!

“Thanks! My, uh, ex picked it out. I dunno, she said it made my eyes look good? Girls are weird. I don’t really get how a shirt makes my eyes look good.”

Kurt was thinking more, it makes you look hot as hell, but that’s not the kind of thing one guy says to a straight dude, especially when one has a crush on the guy in question.

“I hear ya. Let’s get you good and drunk.”

The bar is nothing like any place he’s been to in New York, but it’s got a decent DJ and the bartender serves them drinks that are half the price of anything he’s ever bought in the city. He approves of cheap booze.

“I approve of cheap booze,” he announces.

Finn grins at him over his drink and nudges Kurt’s leg with his foot. “See, that’s one point for Lima. Cheap booze.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow as he takes a sip of his drink. “What do you mean, point for Lima?”

Finn shrugs and stirs his drink with the straw in his cup. It’s some weird pink color and it has a little umbrella in it. Finn didn’t even bat an eye when he ordered it. Kurt’s pretty sure he just did it to make him laugh. “Just, you’re gonna go back to New York soon, right?”

Kurt leans on his hand. “Not sure. Another month or so, probably. My dad’s doing pretty well.”

Finn nods. “I’m just gonna miss you, I guess.”

Kurt swallows. Finn’s staring in the bottom of his glass, stirring his drink. Kurt knows he’s just saying this because Finn doesn’t have a lot of friends left in Lima and he’s stuck in a shitty job.

“You know, you’re not stuck here. You can always move too.”

Finn shrugs, finally looking up at Kurt. “I’m pretty much destined to be a Lima Loser for life.”

Kurt’s quiet for a minute, glancing around the bar. There’s a few people dancing, but mostly everyone is sitting around tables. It’s quiet for a Friday night, but it’s still kind of early.

“Look, I’m not gonna keep arguing with you about this, but you’re not a Lima Loser. I just wish you’d stop being so down on yourself.”

“You’re leaving in another month, what do you care?”

Kurt raises an eyebrow and kicks Finn’s leg.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Because, it’s my duty as your friend to tell you when you’re being a whiny bastard. Newsflash: You’re acting like a whiny bastard. Your life is hard? So is everyone else’s in this town. You told me all through high school you were getting out of this town. What happened? Because I think that kid who has bigger ambitions than this town is still in there. You’re just too scared to pursue it.”

Finn scowls. “I’m not as smart as you, okay? I just...I grew up. It’s not easy to get out of this town.”

“Uh-uh, sweetie. This is giving up, not growing up. Okay, listen to me. I gave up a perfect job to come back here. Do you realize I could’ve had enough cash to start my own line in another six months? I had the perfect connections there. And I had to walk away from it and lord knows if I’ll actually get that back when I go back to the city. But instead of whining about it, I’m gonna fix it.”

Finn plays with his drink, twirling the umbrella in his hand. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.” Kurt waves at the bartender and orders a glass of water. “So, stop your complaining and do something.”

Finn leans his head against his fist and stares at Kurt. Kurt can feel his face flush as Fin stares at him. “Alright. I’ll do something about it.”

“Good. Now can you hurry up and get drunk already?”

Finn waves over the bartender and orders another drink, winking at Kurt when he asks for another umbrella.

&&&

He wakes up early on Saturday to go into work for a couple of hours before he meets up with Finn for lunch. It’s not his favorite way to spend a Saturday morning, going into work and going through paperwork. But the prospect of lunch with Finn is his favorite way to spend a Saturday, so he’ll deal.

Kurt feels ridiculous. Here he is, 23 and acting like he has his first crush. It’s Finn fucking Hudson. The guy was his first crush, the first guy who didn’t care if he was gay and didn’t mind if Kurt had more than friendly feelings toward him. Finn’s never going to reciprocate his feelings and that’s fine, but being back in Lima and being around Finn all the time is fucking with him. It’s like the guy turns him into a teenager all over again and it’s kind of embarrassing.

“You’re not fifteen anymore.” Kurt rests his head on the desk and pouts. His life is hard.

He’s just about done sorting invoices when there’s a knock on the office door. He glances up and Finn’s standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe and grinning.

“Workin’ hard?”

Kurt rolls his eyes and rests his ass on the edge of the desk. “Yeah, something you know nothing about.”

Finn sits down on the edge of the desk next to Kurt, banging his feet. “Yeah, yeah. You ready? I’m starvin’.”

“You’re always starving. Help me file this shit and then we can get out of here.”

Finn grumbles a little, but helps Kurt file away. It’s quiet for a few minutes before Finn speaks up.

“Hey Kurt?”

“Hmm?” Kurt looks over at Finn from the desk.

“Did you have a lot of boyfriends? Like when you were at school and stuff?”

Kurt blinks a few times. Finn’s still filing away, not looking at him.

“What’s a lot?” Kurt swallows. “I had a couple of boyfriends, yeah.”

Finn nods and glances over at Kurt. “Was it serious?”

Kurt shrugs. “Yeah. A couple of times it was serious. I almost moved in with my last boyfriend.”

“What happened?” Finn picks at the edge of the filing cabinet.

“It just didn’t work. We both realized that we were just kinda going through the motions, I guess. When we started talking about living together, I realized I wasn’t crazy in love with him. You know? And I always wanted that when I settled down. True love and all that. It’s kind of silly but...”

“It’s not silly.” Finn shrugs. “I’ve never really felt like that about anyone.”

Kurt blinks a couple times. “Really? Not anyone?”

Finn sighs and crosses his arms against his chest, staring down at the floor. “Haven’t really been together with anyone long enough. I thought maybe my last girlfriend might’ve been. She was awesome and she should’ve been my perfect woman, you know? But I just kept thinking maybe I’m missing out on something else.”

Kurt pushes his hair out of his face. “Maybe you’re just scared?”

“You ever feel that way about anyone?”

You mean besides you? “The first boyfriend I had in college.” Kurt sighs a little. “It was one of those whirlwind things. Like everything he did was the best and he never did anything wrong and he was the most perfect boy ever. And it wasn’t like a high school romance, you know? It was college and we were grown ups. Or we thought so, anyway.”

“What happened?”

“We both grew up.” Kurt shrugs. “Suddenly all that stuff that’s so awesome when you’re barely out of high school isn’t really all that great when you’re trying to juggle an apartment and school and a job.”

Finn nods and starts picking at the paint on the filing cabinet.

“What’s with the twenty questions?” Kurt raises an eyebrow at Finn.

Finn just shrugs. “Dunno. Your dad used to tell me all the stuff you got up to at school, but he didn’t really talk about...you know.”

“Boyfriends?” Kurt smirks. “Yeah, he’s still not good with all that. I mean, he’s not trying to change me or anything. I just think it’s still kind of weird for him.”

Finn nods and glances back over at him. “I guess I just got kinda curious. You don’t really talk about that stuff.”

“It’s not like I have any heartbreaking stories to tell. Besides, all that shit I used to get all worked up over seems a lot less important since I got that phone call.”

Finn smiles softly. “Guess it kinda changes things?”

Oh, you don’t even know. Except Finn does, and that just makes Kurt like him even more than he already does.

&&&

Kurt’s cell rings in the middle of one of his dad’s workers ranting and raving that Burt isn’t back and that Kurt’s still running the place. Kurt’s not even hiding the fact that he’s annoyed and almost does a little dance of glee when the phone rings.

“I really have to take this. It could be an emergency.” He gives the guy a smile and pushes him out of the office, slamming the door behind him. “Ugh.”

“Mercedes! You called!”

He hears her giggling over the other end of the line. “It took you awhile to answer. You got a boy there or something?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Of course not, sweetie.”

Mercedes sobers. “How’s your dad?”

Kurt flops down in the chair behind the desk and crosses his legs. “He’s better. I think he’s ready to kick me outta the house though.”

“Something happen?”

“Oh no, he’s just sick of being stuck on the couch. He’s still only part time. His culinary talents have vastly improved though. It’s actually edible now.”

Mercedes laughs again. “So, I have some time off coming up...”

“Oh, life as a big star isn’t as exciting as little old Lima? You just can’t stay away, can you?”

“Oh, you know, Lima just drags you back in.” Mercedes clucks her tongue. “Anyway, how much longer you gonna be there?”

“Mm, couple of weeks. My dad’s been working part time for the last couple of weeks, so once he’s ready to go back for full time, I’m going back to the city. But I, uh, I promised Finn’s mom I’d be at her wedding. So I’ll probably go back after Mrs. Hudson gets married.”

Mercedes is quiet for a few moments. “Kurt...”

“I know, I know. But she invited me and she’s really nice and...”

“And Finn probably looked at you with those dopey eyes of his and you agreed to anything. C’mon Kurt! I thought you were over this!”

“It’s not like that! Well, maybe a little. But he’s my friend, and he’s not interested in me like...that. And his mom really is nice. I couldn’t say no.”

Mercedes sighs. “Alright. I just hate seeing you go through all this again.”

Kurt can’t help but smile. “Look at you. A big star and worrying about little ol’ me.”

Mercedes laughs. “Sweetie, I’m always gonna worry about you. Besides, you have the best boy stories.”

“I do, don’t I?”

“So when is this big wedding?”

Kurt laughs. “I knew it, you totally want to go.”

“Well, if I’m gonna be in town anyway, you’ll need someone to keep an eye on you. Make sure you don’t do anything drastic.”

“And when have I done anything drastic?”

“I remember a time when you dressed Rachel like a baby hooker. Because of a boy. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

Kurt scowls. “I was nice to her after that. So does this mean you’ll be my date?”

“Of course. Except you’ll have to find an outfit that matches mine, sweetcakes. I’m not buying a whole new dress just because it clashes with your outfit.”

“Deal.”

&&&

Finn sits across from Kurt, tapping his finger against the top of the table. Kurt raises an eyebrow at him over his menu before he folds it and places it on the table.

“Okay, what’s with you? You’re kind of giving me the creeps.” Finn’s been weird ever since Kurt picked him up for dinner that night.

“What?” Finn jerks his hand and almost takes out his glass of water. Kurt reaches over and moves the glass just out of Finn’s reach, and Finn’s face steadily flushes.

“What is up with you? You’ve been weird all day.”

"What? No I haven't. I'm totally normal."

Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Sweetie, first of all, you are not normal. Just deal with it and get over it. And secondly, this," Kurt waves his hand. "This is not what you’re usually like. What's up?"

Finn glances around the restaurant. It's nicer than the places they usually go, low lighting and the menu’s a little more expensive than Finn's normal taste. Kurt just figured it was Finn trying to be nice and let Kurt go somewhere nice for a change. Finn's even wearing a shirt and tie.

It's stupidly hot. It's that same tie and shirt he wore when he was trying to impress Quinn's parents and it's kind of endearing. Like he’s trying to look good for Kurt or something, except he’s not, because Kurt’s just his friend. Still, Kurt can totally appreciate Finn looking nice.

"What are you having? I don't know, I'm kinda in the mood for steak, but the veal looks good, but I don't know, what do you think?"

Kurt folds his hands and studies Finn for a minute. Finn's playing with his tie, looking around nervously.

Clearly Finn's got something going on, some kind of mini drama that Kurt’s not so sure he wants to get in the middle of. Kurt goes with what’s easiest.

“Sweetie, it’s an Italian restaurant. Get the veal. Personally, their lasagna is to fucking die for. Seriously, you won’t get lasagna this good in the city.”

Finn stares at him for a few seconds before bursting out into laughter. He slams his hand on the table a few times and Kurt wonders if Finn maybe took some drugs before he left for this dinner.

“Oh, man, thanks for that.” Finn shakes his head and grabs his glass of water, taking a long drink before setting the glass back on the table.

“Right, anyway. Is your mom totally freaking out yet?” The wedding is getting closer and Kurt ran into Finn’s mom three days ago, saw her when he was in mall trying to figure out what he was going to buy her. To say Finn’s mom was freaked would be an understatement.

“She’s a little crazy, man. Like her eyes are always like this.” Finn widens his eyes and looks around, and Kurt can’t help but giggle. “And she yelled at me the other day for breathing too loud. It was scary.”

“Watch it, she might catch Lima Syndrome.”

Finn looks confused. “What’s that?”

Kurt smirks. “It’s when a female, currently habituating in Lima, Ohio, goes completely insane for no reason. It’s a phenomenon exclusive to Lima. Even women living elsewhere aren’t as crazy as they are here. Even Rachel was sane when she was in New York. You know, relatively speaking.”

“So, it’s just something in the water then?”

“Well clearly. It’s the only thing that explains why women go crazy when they get here. I’m serious, Rachel was almost normal when I saw her in New York.”

Finn blinks a few times. “So it’s a real thing? Like Lima really makes girls crazy?”

Kurt giggles and pours himself another glass of wine. Finn’s still blinking at him, totally confused.

Kurt shakes his head, taking a long sip of wine. At least now, Finn isn’t looking around the restaurant like he’s got something to hide. His cheeks are still a little red but he’s relaxed again. “You ready for the big day?”

“Oh! Yeah, well sorta. I mean, I don’t have anything to wear yet, but I’m ready.”

Kurt gapes at him. “You don’t have a tux yet? Does your mother know that?”

Finn opens and closes his mouth. “Why would she need to know that?”

“Oh sweetie. Oh sweetie. The wedding is two weeks away and you don’t have your tux yet? Do you want your mother to string you up and leave you for random wild life to chew on in the night? You should just get your tombstone ready, because she is gonna kill you when she finds out.”

“I still have time. Like lots of time.”

Kurt shakes his head. “We need to take care of that immediately. You’re free tomorrow, right?”

“It’s Saturday. I sleep in on Saturdays. Till like one. It’s awesome.”

“Not tomorrow. Trust me, you’ll thank me.” Kurt grabs his menu and looks it over again. “And just for that, I’m getting another bottle of wine. My god, I can’t believe you don’t have a tux yet.” He folds his menu and resists the urge and faceplant onto the table.

“What? Why do I need one now? The wedding isn’t for another two weeks.”

“I thought you had at least some kind of clue about women, since you’ve been dating them for so long.”

“Girls are confusing.” Finn gets that look on his face again, the look he had when Kurt came by to pick him up.

The waiter comes by to take their order and Finn changes the subject when he leaves with the menus. It’s totally weird, but Kurt learned a long time ago not to push Finn when he’s like this.

&&&

Finn obviously didn’t take Kurt’s plans seriously, because he’s passed out in his bed when Kurt comes by early the next morning. Finn’s mom just lets Kurt in and tells him where Finn is before running out the door to work.

“Finn.” Kurt pokes his arm. “Finn.”

Finn bats his hand away and turns away towards the window, moaning a little. His hair sticks out from underneath the blankets. It’s pretty cute.

“Finnnnn.” Kurt nudges Finn with his foot. “Time to wake up.”

“Nguhhh.” Finn turns his head towards Kurt, eyes still closed. “Early.”

“It’s really early. I brought coffee. Get up.”

Finn lifts his head up and blinks sleepily. “What?”

Kurt rolls his eyes and sits on the edge of the bed. He waves the cardboard tray over Finn’s head. “Sweet, delicious coffee,” he singsongs. “So tasty and yummy...”

Finn groans and sits up, wiping his eyes sleepily. His hair is all over the place and Kurt hasn’t wanted to kiss someone this badly in...god, he doesn’t even know how long. He just wants to curl into bed with Finn and snuggle.

Christ.

“Sleepy.” Finn blinks a couple times and rubs his eyes again. “Time issit?”

Kurt glances at the clock next to Finn’s bed. “Nine AM sharp. C’mon, you got an hour to get up and get dressed.”

“Too early.” Finn wipes his mouth. “Sleep.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “It’s not that early.”

Finn flushes. “I was playing video games till 2.”

Kurt pulls Finn out of bed and pushes him towards the shower. “One day you’ll grow up and be a real boy.”

“I don’t think so!” Finn shouts through the bathroom door.

Kurt sits at Finn’s desk, going through emails on his phone. He’s still waiting to hear back on a couple of jobs he’s applied for back in the city, hoping he can move back right after the wedding. Part of him, the stupid part of him, really wants to stay in Lima. But he knows what he wants is in New York, even if he has to leave Finn.

There’s one email back from one magazine, a job that’s even better pay than what he had before. He glances out into the hallway before opening it up and he’s got half a reply typed when Finn steps back into his room. Finn’s toweling his hair dry, half dressed and grinning.

“You said something about coffee?”

Kurt tries not to swallow his tongue as Finn wipes off his chest and pulls on a t-shirt, before Kurt hands over his coffee.

&&&

Kurt really should’ve rethought this whole thing through before he dragged Finn out to try on tuxedos. He totally sweet-talked the owner into a last minute fitting, though there isn’t a lot of call for tux rentals in Lima.

“I don’t know.” Finn frowns in the mirror, playing with the edges of the jacket he’s wearing. The cut is classic and forms his frame almost perfectly. It’s just a bit little big, hanging off his shoulders the sleeves stopping right at his wrists. The color of the vest underneath isn’t quite right though.

Kurt frowns and goes through a couple other options. The color does nothing for him and it’s going to clash with the rest of the wedding colors.

“Try this one.” Kurt hands another one over and watches as Finn shrugs the jacket off and drops it onto a nearby chair. Kurt has to rest his fingers on his lips as Finn pulls the vest off, the sight of Finn getting undressed too hot for words. It’s a little too close to the fantasy he used to have in high school, after all those Glee competitions and Finn hanging out afterwards, with his shirt all untucked and unbuttoned...

He needs to get a hold of himself.

“Well?” Finn smoothes down the vest, looking down at himself. “What do you think?”

Kurt swallows and walks over to him, grabbing a tie that matches the vest. He ties a tight knot and gives Finn a nervous smile as he pats his chest. He hands Finn the jacket, still standing a little close. Finn’s staring down at him, holding the jacket in his hand.

“Kurt...”

He smiles nervously at Finn and takes a couple steps back. He turns to face the mirror and fixes his hair to distract himself, and tries very, very hard not to watch Finn in the mirror. He can hear Finn let out a little sigh before he hears fabric rustling. He glances over at Finn as he buttons his jacket and holding out his arms.

“You look great. I think that’s the one.” Oh, Jesus, is it the one.

Finn studies him for a minute, biting his bottom lip. “Kurt...”

“You know what, I’m starving. We should get lunch. I’ll go get the paperwork and you can go change.”

Kurt doesn’t look over at Finn, just hears a grunt of approval and hightails it to the front register to get Finn’s rental paperwork. He fills it out for him just for the distraction and he’s relieved when Finn comes back from the dressing room, wearing his ratty jeans and a t-shirt that’s got holes near the hem.

He’s still hot as hell though and Kurt wants him just as badly as he did when Finn was in the tux. No, he wants him more.

&&&

Kurt’s not hiding. He’s not. He’s simply locked himself in his dad’s office because he had an interview for a job he hopes he can get. And the garage is too noisy today for him to handle. He’s not ignoring any other calls to his cell and he’s not having his dad answer the office phone instead of himself. He’s totally not ignoring phone calls from one person in particular.

He’s just not up for dealing with any disappointment from Finn. He’s been acting weird and awkward for the last couple of weeks, and Kurt doesn’t want to end his time here in Lima with a weird conversation between the two of them. He just wants to go to this wedding, wish Finn’s mom good luck and then move back to the city, hopefully keeping some sort of contact with Finn. At least more than before. He really wants to stay friends if he can’t have anything else.

Kurt ignores the knock on the office door. He crosses his legs and scrolls through his emails, deleting whatever he doesn’t need. His dad grunts at him, giving him a stink eye from across the room.

“Would you answer the damn door?”

Kurt bites at his lip and gets up. When he opens the office door, Finn’s standing on the other side, playing with the bottom of his t-shirt and smiling awkwardly.

“Hey. Hey, Mr. Hummel.” Finn waves. “Can you, I mean. Are you busy?”

Kurt opens his mouth but his dad talks before he can get a word out.

“Please take him away. He’s been pacing all day. And his phone keeps making stupid little noises. I’m trying to work here.”

Kurt sighs and glares over at his dad. He grabs his bag and follows Finn out into the garage. He walks quickly, Finn skipping a little to keep up with him even though he’s got a few good inches on Kurt.

“Hey! Did I do something?”

Kurt drags him out to his car and throws his stuff into the backseat. He turns to look at Finn, twisting his fingers together. “Of course not. I’m just stressed about finding employment.” And trying to not show how he’s still stupidly head over heels for Finn.

“You’re sure? ‘Cause you’ve been kinda weird.”

Kurt shakes his head. “I’m just getting nervous about moving back. Sorry if I’ve been all weird.”

Finn glances around, shuffling his feet. “Uh, so look, you doing anything tonight? My mom’s working the late shift tonight so I thought maybe...we could get pizza or something? Watch some crappy movies?”

Kurt can’t think of a reason to say no so he just unlocks the passenger door. “Maybe I’ll even have a beer.”

&&&

Things are less weird after they’ve eaten and had a couple of drinks. Finn’s relaxed and he looks like he actually slept the night before. He’s still acting not quite like Finn though, staring at Kurt not so subtly through the movie they threw on for background noise. And he keeps inching closer to Kurt on the couch.

It’s weird. This is very unlike Finn behavior.

Kurt gets up from the couch to get another set of beers. He pops the tops off in the kitchen, tossing the caps into the trash. He takes a deep breath before walking back into the living room. He hands one over to Finn and sits down at the end of the couch. He crosses his legs at the knee and glances over at Finn as he takes a sip of his beer. Finn gives him a nervous smile before inching closer.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What the hell is going on?” Kurt drops his beer on the coffee table. “You’ve been acting weird for ages now.”

Finn places his own bottle of beer on the table. He plays with the label, not looking at Kurt.

“Seriously, is everything okay? ‘Cause you’re starting to worry me.”

Finn glances over at him and shifts even closer on the couch. He lifts his hand up and stills for a moment before placing his hand on Kurt’s chin and tilting his face upward.

“I, uh...” Finn leans down and kisses Kurt, his eyes fluttering shut. Kurt makes a surprised noise, not moving as Finn kisses him. His mouth opens slightly and all he can taste is beer and pizza.

It’s not the most romantic kiss in the world. It’s not even the best kiss he’s ever had. Finn’s lips are dry and he tastes like cheap beer and...

Kurt tells his brain to shut the fuck up because Finn fucking Hudson is kissing him. He drops his hand on Finn’s thigh and inches closer, letting Finn deepen the kiss. He slides his tongue into Kurt’s mouth, sliding even closer on the couch. Kurt moans a little. Finn pushes him backwards, until Kurt’s laid out across the couch with Finn laying on top of him.

God, it’s so sexy, Finn’s weight pressing him down and his hands warm on Kurt’s skin. It’s like everything he fantasized about except it’s real. He can feel the shape of Finn’s cock against his thigh and he moans, thinking about getting it in his mouth, in his hand. He doesn’t care as long as he gets to have it.

All of a sudden the TV starts blaring, the movie starting back up again. Kurt groans and reaches underneath him, grabbing the remote and turning the movie off.

But it’s too late. Finn’s already scrambled off of him, standing next to the couch and wiping his face.

“Oh, god.”

Finn looks around the room wildly, his hand on his mouth. He’s looking everywhere but at Kurt and Kurt can’t ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Look, Finn....”

“Oh, god. What was...”

Kurt shakes his head and gets off the couch. He fixes his shirt and tries not to cry or glare or yell at Finn. “That was a kiss. A pretty good one. Until you freaked the hell out.”

“That was. Oh, god, I actually. Oh god. I kissed another dude.”

That, that makes Kurt’s stomach drop. He’s done the straight boy, oh shit I’m not gay, bullshit and he’s over it. He’s not dealing with this shit again, even if it’s Finn. The same guy who’s supported him over the last few months, even if it’s the guy he’s been in love with since he was 15. He can’t take this from Finn of all people.

“Okay, since you clearly regret this whole thing and can’t deal with your sudden sexual crisis, I’m going to leave before you take it out on me.”

Kurt runs past Finn, knocking his arm as he walks by.

“Wait, Kurt.”

“No,” Kurt interrupts. “I’ve been through this before. And I can’t deal with you turning me down. I just, I can’t do it all over again. Call me when you’re, you know, you again. I’ll see you at the wedding.”

Kurt tries not to slam the door behind him when he leaves and drives home in silence.

Finn Fucking Hudson, breaking his heart all over again. It’s like he’s 16 again except this time there’s no pregnant Quinn and no Puck shoving him into trashcans, just Kurt and his stupid, stupid heart.

&&&

Kurt’s really nervous during the last few days leading up to Finn’s mom’s wedding. He tries not to throw up as he gets dressed, trying to decide between the ties he managed to scrounge up a few weeks earlier. It’s not as nice as anything he has back in New York but it’ll do for the wedding. Plus, it’s helpful to focus on his clothes and not the feeling in the pit of his stomach that makes him want to lose his breakfast.

Mercedes knocks on the front door twenty minutes before they’re supposed to leave.

“Oh, sweetie, you look like a mess.” Mercedes makes a face and tugs on his tie. “C’mon, it’s a good thing I got here early.” She pulls him back down towards his room, waving at his dad as they walk through the living room.

“Calm him down, would you?” His dad nods at Mercedes.

“Already on it, Mr. Hummel.”

Mercedes drags him downstairs and flicks the light on in his room. She turns to look at him, hands on his hips. “Okay, what happened? Because the last time we talked, you weren’t all,” she waves her hand in front of him. “Not like this.”

Kurt shrugs and walks towards his bathroom, flipping the light on and standing in front of the mirror. Mercedes follows him inside, fixing her hair in the mirror before she leans against the bathroom sink, her arms crossed against her chest. She raises an eyebrow.

“I may have, um. Made out with Finn a couple days ago.”

Her eyebrows go all the way up to her bangs. “You did what?”

He clears his throat and looks back in the mirror, fixing his hair and trying not to meet Mercedes eyes. “We kissed. I think there were tongues involved.”

“Do not tell me you were drunk when this happened.” Mercedes reaches out and grabs his chin, turning his face towards hers.

“No! We were relatively sober. It just...I don’t know, it just happened.” Kurt pulls away and leans against the sink next to her, hands resting on the edge of the sink. “He just leaned over and kissed me.”

“Holy shit.” Mercedes lets out a long breath.

Kurt shrugs and picks at his fingernails, ruining his perfect manicure.

“Oh no. Kurt, sweetie. Why did you let it happen?”

Kurt pushes away from the sink, hands in the air. “Why do you think I let it happen? I’ve been in love with him since I was 15 years old! He just looks at me and I lose any coherent thoughts in my head! What was I supposed to do?”

Mercedes sighs and reaches out to grab his hand. “I know. But Kurt, I don’t want you to get hurt over this. I can’t watch this all over again.”

Kurt nods and leans against the sink next to her again, resting his head against her shoulder. They’re quiet for a few minutes before Kurt says, “I like your dress.” It’s deep purple and hugs her curves, the color making her glow a little.

Mercedes laughs and pulls away, spinning in her dress a little. “Isn’t it great? I could get used to this whole selling a ton of records, being famous thing.”

“If only for the clothes?” Kurt grins. “Well, sweetie, you look fabulous. Actually, you look better than I do.” Kurt turns back towards the mirror and picks up his moisturizer. “My skin has been terrible ever since I moved back here.”

Mercedes takes the tube from him and squeezes some out onto her finger, tipping his head back. He stays still as she applies the cream to his skin, and he turns to look in the mirror when she’s done, making sure it’s applied equally. He sprays his hair again and turns to look back at her.

“So, what do you think?”

Mercedes holds her hands out. “I think you look great.”

Mercedes is quiet on the ride over, playing with his IPod and playing a bunch of old showtunes. He still loves to hear her sing, even though it’s been years since they were in Glee together and now she’s a big star. She turns the radio down as they get closer to the site and turns to look at him.

“Promise me you won’t make a scene.”

Kurt gives her a little smile. “Sweetie, who do you think I am, Rachel?”

&&&

It’s a pretty typical, low budget Ohio wedding. But Finn’s mom looks really happy and Finn looks even happier as he stands up there next to his mom, tugging at the bottom of his sleeves. Kurt hates himself for helping Finn pick out the tux, because it clings to him perfectly, hugging his shoulders and arms and making him look amazing. Halfway through the ceremony, Finn glances over at him, brilliant smile on his face and Kurt feels his stomach drop.

Mercedes holds his hand through the whole ceremony and Kurt’s so glad she came with him. Half the crowd is glancing over at her, like they can’t believe someone that famous is here at some backyard wedding. Afterwards, they drive over to the reception and Mercedes doesn’t say anything, just belts along with the radio.

Their table is near the front, because Kurt’s helped plan half the thing anyway. In fact, he’s pretty sure Finn’s mom would’ve made him be in the wedding if she thought he’d actually say yes, but that was just way too awkward for him.

Finn’s mom comes by their table first, pulling Kurt out of his chair and hugging him tightly. She whispers something into his ear about him and Finn, and he looks at her with wide eyes when he pulls away. She winks and turns to Mercedes. Kurt turns to watch Finn, sitting next to some girl, their heads low as they talk. He swallows and looks away, waving at Finn’s mom as she leaves the table.

“Let’s dance.” Mercedes holds her hand out and pulls him away from the table, and far away from the front table so he can sit and stare at Finn.

“I’m sorry, I’m not the best date ever, am I?” Kurt spins her around.

Mercedes shrugs and spins Kurt around this time, grinning at him when he stops. “I get it. It’s Finn Hudson, he’s always made you stupid.”

“Well, I’m just glad I have you around to remind me how ridiculous I am.” Kurt hugs her close as they dance.

They dance close through the slow song, Kurt’s eyes wandering around the room as they sway together. If he was with anyone else, they’d be pissed that he was still all tied up over Finn, but it’s Mercedes. She’s famous and rich and successful, but she still gets him like no one else ever did.

The song ends and Mercedes pulls back. She smirks as she fixes her dress before looking up at Kurt. “How do I look?”

Kurt fixes the strap of her dress. “Like a rock star.”

“Good! I was going for that look.” Mercedes tosses her hair over her shoulder and winks as she turns to walk over to the DJ.

This was one of those things that sounded brilliant when he talked to Mercedes two weeks before the wedding, trying to do something special for Finn’s mom. Now he has to sit and listen to this romantic song and think about all the things he’ll never get to have.

He glances over at Finn and that girl again, except they’re not at the front table anymore. He looks around the room and spots them together on the edge of the dance floor. He really can’t watch this, the two of them dancing with Mercedes singing in the background.

He grabs another drink from the bartender and hightails it out to the porch. He can still hear Mercedes and now he’s really regretting the song choice because it’s kind of disgustingly romantic.

Damn his awesome ideas.

It was a bad idea to come here and an even worse idea to stay this long. He checks his phone for the time and wonders if it’s possible to convince Mercedes to take off. Then again, with her up there singing, chances are, Finn’s mom is going to make them have some kind of embarrassing Glee reunion and he is not down with singing cheesy songs for the rest of the night. He needs to keep some of his dignity.

“Kurt?” The porch door opens and Kurt glances over. Finn’s sticking his head out, looking around for Kurt. He grins widely when he spots Kurt standing in the corner.

“What’s up?” Kurt drops his glass on the railing and crosses his arms against his chest.

Finn leans against the railing next to him, resting his hands and standing close to Kurt. His arm brushes against Kurt’s and Kurt shifts away, coughing into his hand.

“Dude, you okay?”

“I’m fine. Shouldn’t you be in there with your date?”

Finn shrugs and looks away. He stretches his fingers out and Kurt watches as they brush against his own. It’s too much.

“Finn...”

“I really like you, okay?”

Kurt pulls back, eyes wide. “Excuse me?”

Finn crosses his arms against his chest, staring down at the ground. “I really like you. Like. More than friends. That’s why I...”

“Kissed the hell outta me?”

Finn blushes. “Yeah, I guess.” He glances up at Kurt and looks away quickly. “Anyway, I didn’t want to...you know, like force you into anything. I just thought maybe...anyway, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Kurt reaches out before thinking better of actually touching Finn, and clenches his fist against his side instead. “What about that girl in there? Your date?”

Finn shrugs.

Kurt sighs and grabs his drink. “Sweetie, I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me. You like me, fine. I can’t deal with the straight boy bullshit again. I did it in college, I’m not doing it again.”

“I didn’t mean to make it seem like...”

“You did.”

Finn opens and closes his mouth a few times, and the porch door opens. They both look over and Finn’s date is standing there, hands on her hips. She has a soft smile on her face. “Hey Finn, your mom is asking for you.”

Finn glances over at Kurt. Kurt pushes away from the railing and walks away from him, towards the door. “I gotta take off anyway.” He waves at Finn’s date. “You look amazing, by the way.”

He glances at Finn again and he heads back inside and to find Mercedes surrounded by half the reception hall. He waves at her and stalks over to the bar, ordering another drink that he drains quickly. She walks up to him at the bar a few minutes later, leaning against the wood and waving off the bartender.

“Can we please go?” Kurt tries not to pout and Mercedes just wraps her arm around his shoulders and waits as he pays the bartender.

&&&

Kurt faceplants into the couch and moans. He hears his dad laugh softly before easing his feet up on the coffee table.

“You shouldn’t put your feet up on the table.” Kurt turns his head to look at his dad. “You’re going to ruin the finish.”

His dad shakes his head but pulls his feet off the table. He leans forward, his hands clasped between his legs. He rubs his thumbs together for a minute before he starts talking.

“You know, your mother would be so much better at this than I am. She’d know just what to say.” His dad shakes his head.

“Dad, I think I’m a little old for this talk.” Kurt sits up, pulling his tie off and dropping it on the coffee table. He rubs his eyes, glancing at the clock and inwardly groaning at the late hour.

“Well, I’m gonna give it to you anyway.” His dad sighs.

“Look, Dad. I’m really not in the mood for a lecture.”

“Kurt, would you humor me? I never got to give you the dating speech.” His dad laughs a little. “You were always so...smart. And independent. You never really needed me around.”

“Yeah, I really did.”

His dad gets out of his chair and walks out to the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of water. He hands it over to Kurt and sits back down, watching as Kurt uncaps the bottle and takes a long sip.

“Okay, Dad, you can give me the talk.”

His dad laughs, flopping back in his seat. He rubs his forehead a little. “You should do what makes you happy. You always did, and I don’t know what changed.”

“I grew up.”

His dad shakes his head. “You grew up a long time ago. You were takin’ care of yourself back in high school. You always went after what you wanted...college, New York, I know you started, you know...”

“Dating.” Kurt smirks.

“Yeah, that.” His dad wipes his mouth, looking a little uncomfortable. “Look, don’t let this go so easily, okay? I’ve seen the way that kid looks at you. Don’t just walk away and be alone or settle for someone else.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Do you think it was easy to get your mom to marry me?”

Kurt always wondered about that, what happened to make his parents get together. They were nothing alike at all. Weren’t high school sweethearts, their families didn’t know each other...it was the most random pairing, except he remembers that they were really, really happy together.

“Well, Dad, when you’re dealing with a boy who’s confused about his sexuality, it’s a little different than getting a girl to like you.”

His dad shrugs. “Maybe. But I’ve seen the two of you together. And man, you really make him happy. You know he used to stop by the garage to check up on you? Even when you were in high school, sometimes he’d just stop by to see if you were around.”

“Oh.” Kurt blinks. He never knew all that. Finn mentioned that he saw Kurt’s dad, but he never really thought about it all that much. Finn actually made an effort to find out about what he was doing? How his life was?

“Yeah, so. Just give the guy a chance. Or, I don’t know, just don’t let him go so easy.” His dad gets out of his chair. “And thanks for letting me, you know.” His dad smiles at him fondly.

Kurt smiles. “Thanks for the advice, Dad. Really.”

&&&

He doesn’t know what to do. He’s leaving for New York in another week. This is it.

And even if he does go and confess his feelings, even if Finn admits to his feelings, then what? Finn’s still got a whole other life in Lima. Kurt has a whole life in New York that he’s not just going to drop that to move back here. Even if they admit they want each other, it’s not going to go anywhere.

He’s not going to ask Finn to move to New York and he’s not moving back to Lima.

It doesn’t explain why he’s sitting outside of Finn’s place, tapping the steering wheel nervously. He checks the time on his phone again before he makes a decision.

He stands at the front door, making sure his sweater is straight and his hair is perfect. Finn finally opens the door, blinking into the sun.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Kurt shifts awkwardly. “Can I...can we just talk?”

Finn stands in the doorway for a minute before he backs away and gives Kurt room to walk into the house. It’s quiet; he knows Finn’s mom and her new husband left for their honeymoon early that morning. He stops in front of the couch, wrapping his arms around his stomach and turning to face Finn.

Finn’s standing in front of him, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. He looks like he’s been crashed out on the couch all morning, cause there’s a cup of coffee on the coffee table and the TV’s on mute.

“I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I should’ve let you explain.” Kurt plays with the sleeve of his sweater, smiling at Finn hopefully.

“It’s okay,” Finn says, voice quiet.

“I can’t...I’m leaving for New York in a week. The last few months here, having to be back in this shithole has been...well it’s actually been okay, because you’re here. And I wanted to say thank you, for everything.”

Finn nods, running his hand through his hair. “Is that it? ‘Cause...”

“I’m still in love with you.”

Finn blinks a few times, mouth opening and closing. “Look, Kurt...”

“No, listen,” Kurt interrupts. “I was, I thought I was in love with you back in high school. And I always, I mean, you were the one that I could never have, you know? But then I came back here, and you helped with my dad and...it’s different. And you weren’t just my friend and you weren’t just this guy I had feelings for...”

He trails off. There, it’s all out in the open. He’s put it all out there and whether or not Finn feels the same way, at least he’s finally said something.

“I’m...I’m really confused.” Finn swallows and sinks down onto the couch. He rubs his face. “I never felt about anyone...when you left Lima for school...I don’t know, it just hurt. And then you came back and I remembered you were just gonna leave again.” Finn looks up at him. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Kurt swallows. “I’m not staying in Lima. I can’t. I have a whole life, my whole future. I’m not giving that up. Not even...”

Finn nods and looks down at his hands, clasped between his legs. “I know. I couldn’t ask you...I’m not gonna ask you to stay.” He laughs a little, sadly. “I’m not gonna ask you to stay in Lima. You were always gonna get out of here.” Finn looks up at him.

Kurt takes a deep breath. “If, I mean. I’ll be in New York. If you ever...”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Finn nods, scratching the back of his head. “Hey, I really need to shower and stuff...”

“Oh, I have errands to run.” Kurt glances at his watch. “I better get going. I just-”

“Thanks. For everything.” Finn gets up from the couch and rests his hand on Kurt’s chest. “It was good to see you again.”

Kurt leaves Lima a few days later, suitcase and cell in hand. He thumbs through his contacts and pauses over Finn’s name, wavering. He groans and turns his cell off, tossing it into his bag.

This totally sucks, but he knows deep down that he’s making the right choice.

It just really fucking hurts.

&&&

The next two months suck.

A lot.

It was easier the first time, not knowing the real Finn, not knowing what his kisses were like, how he felt wrapped around Kurt. It was easier when he was just this little fantasy in Kurt’s head that he was never going to live up to.

Now that he’s had the fantasy, seen what’s it’s really like...it’s pretty much not fair that he doesn’t get to have what he wants.

He sighs and crosses the street, pulling his hat down further on his head. The weather is changing, getting cooler and the leaves are starting to change color. It’s been two months since he’s talked to Finn last - not because he’s pissed but because it’s too hard. They tried talking once he moved back to the city, but all Kurt could think the whole time was want want want and he couldn’t stand it. He started avoiding Finn’s phone calls and texts until Finn just stopped trying.

Two solid months. He can’t even look at other guys anymore without comparing them to Finn.

He feels pathetic. His roommates keep making fun of him. Mercedes keeps texting him with sad-bastard music lyrics.

Well, not anymore. He’s got to move on and be a person again. Shit happens and...

He stops in front of his building. His hands clutch the strap of his bag and he gapes openly.

“What are you doing here?”

Finn smiles, that big, stupid goofy grin of his and stands up. Kurt, honest to god, feels butterflies in his stomach. Great, he’s a thirteen year old girl.

“Was kinda hoping I could crash with you for a little bit.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kurt takes a couple steps forward, standing in front of Finn. “It’s kind of a small place.”

Finn shrugs. “I think I can deal with it. Though, we might want to get a bigger place.”

“Uh, what?” Kurt’s usually way more coherent than this.

“I got a job.” Finn grins widely and bounces on his feet. “Back in Lima, I was helpin’ Mr. Shue out after school with Glee, and he wrote me a recommendation. I got a job here in the city, helpin’ out with some music programs. And I’m working part time in this garage till I can get back to school to finish my degree.”

Kurt opens and closes his mouth a few times. “You’re moving...” He glances down at Finn’s feet, two duffle bags sitting on the ground.

“Well, I mean. If your offer is still open...” Finn frowns.

Kurt gapes. Finn’s offering…

“I mean, I totally get it if you’re already seeing someone and stuff. I just thought. I mean. Shit, this was a bad idea.” Finn grabs his bags. “You know, I can totally leave, I’m sorry.”

“Finn, wait,” Kurt interrupts, grabbing his arm.

Finn stills, looking down at Kurt’s hand on his arm. Kurt reaches up with his free hand and rests his palm against Finn’s jaw, stroking his skin. “Of course the offer’s still open.”

Kurt takes a deep breath and leans up on his tip-toes. Finn leans down and meets him halfway, their mouths pressing together. Finn drops his bags on the ground and wraps his arms around Kurt’s waist and everything gets a little fuzzy after that because all Kurt can focus on is Finn’s tongue in his mouth.

He pulls away when he hears someone whistle from an upstairs apartment. Finn’s flushing but he’s got that goofy grin of his on his face and Kurt leans up and kisses him again. Finn’s the one who breaks the kiss this time.

“So, uh, I can crash with you?”

Kurt grins and pulls his keys out of his bag. He unlocks the front door and grabs Finn’s arm, pulling him inside.

“As long as you want to.”

&&&

Epilogue (Four Months Later)

“Finn! We’re going to be late.” Kurt taps his fingers against the kitchen counter. He hears a crash from the bedroom and winces as Finn tumbles out. He has his tie in one hand, his shirt half buttoned up and his hair is just tragic.

“Sorry, uh, crap.” Finn almost falls on the floor, tripping over his shoes.

“Oh, sweetie.” Kurt tuts and helps Finn straighten up on his feet. He takes the tie away from him and helps him over to the couch. He pushes Finn down and kneels over him, tying the tie around his neck. He pats the knot when he’s done and kisses Finn on the cheek. “Calm down.”

Finn sighs and wraps his hands around Kurt’s waist. Kurt fixes Finn’s hair, making it look less like he just got out of bed and more like he meant for his hear to look messy. He gives Finn a reassuring smile and slides his hands to rest at his neck.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I’m really nervous.”

“It’s okay. But it’s going to be fine.” Kurt kisses him softly.

“What if...”

“Sweetie, listen.” Kurt flops down on the couch next to Finn, tangling their fingers together. “My dad likes you. He’s always liked you. He’s totally on Team Kurt&Finn.”

Finn eyes him warily. “He’s not going to kick my ass?”

Kurt grins. “Nope.” Kurt leans over and presses his forehead against Finn’s. “So would you stop worrying?”

Finn nods. “Sorry, I’m just really bad at the whole, meeting the parents thing.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing you already know my dad.” He glances at the clock over the T.V. “C’mon, we’re gonna be late.” He pulls Finn off the couch, grabbing his coat off the hook. He tosses Finn his coat and grabs his keys.

“Hey, Kurt?”

“Mmmm?” Kurt closes the door behind them and locks the door. He glances over at Finn.

“Senior year.” Finn rubs the back of his neck nervously. “It was senior year.”

“Uh, okay...”

“When you got all your college letters? And I realized you were leaving Lima for good. That’s when I first. Well, when I first had like, feelings for you. ‘Cause I didn’t want you to leave.”

Kurt drops his keys on the ground. “You-”

“Yeah, that was when I realized it. I just, you know. I thought you should know.” Finn shrugs and gives him a small, nervous smile.

Kurt leans up and kisses Finn softly, twisting his fingers in Finn’s coat. He feels Finn grin against his mouth and Kurt deepens the kiss for a minute before he pulls back. He slaps Finn on the arm.

“Ow! That hurt!”

Kurt grins. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

Finn shrugs. “Guess I was just confused. And you know. Kinda scared too, I guess.”

“Oh, boys are so silly sometimes.” Kurt shakes his head and kisses Finn again. He twines their fingers together and presses Finn against their apartment door. Finn moans a little and slides his fingers into Kurt’s hair.

They’re late meeting his dad because Kurt has to go back into the apartment to fix his hair, and they end up making out in the bathroom for ten minutes.

But it’s okay, because while they’re making out in the bathroom, Kurt murmurs into Finn’s mouth, I love you.

And Finn says it back.

&&&

The End

&&&

Author's Notes

This was supposed to be some silly little fic that I started after Thanksgiving. I had four days off of work and no desire to brave the mall, so I started this! And uh, it just kept going and going and going. Like everything else, this is mostly audaciously's fault because she dirty enables me when I'm drunk and well, you see what happens. So yeah! I doubt I'll ever tackle anything this long for this pairing again, but I had a blast working on it! I hope that people like it!

Thank you, as always, to audaciously! She betaed this sucker and told me it didn't completely blow. She kept my Kurt under control and wasn't afraid to tell me that something didn't work. Thank you, bb! I owe you big time!

Thank you also to byte366 and horroramor for the amazing art they gave me! I was so excited to see what they came up with and I'm so happy with the end result. You guys are AWESOME<3

Masterpost | Art by byte366 | Art by horroramor | Soundtrack