Oh, the agony...
Sometimes, I'm all too convinced that I am far too old for my 19 years. And other times...well, other times I prove to myself that I have the judgement AND the immaturity of a 9 year old.
Corky had a house party last night. I'm not a big drinker, honestly. I hate the feeling of being drunk and dizzy and falling all over the place, so I might have a drink or two and that's it. It's rare that I even drink to begin with, the last time I went out was with Lis, during the summer. The club scene isn't my thing anymore.
So, instead of knocking back a glass of champagne at midnight, I was knocking back an entire bottle of white wine at 9 o'clock. Followed by some vodka. Followed by my head in a toilet before 11, followed by me feeling a lot better at midnight.
I don't know why I got so sloshed. I mean...okay, I guess I do. A lot has been going on lately that I haven't been able to put into words, so I haven't written about it. The series of events sort of struck me numb to the point where nothing came out, so I let it be. Instead of talking about it, I got hammered to the point of incoherency.
My great uncle died Christmas night. It's not heart wrenching, I wasn't very close to him, but it's heartbreaking to see my mom and my grandma go through all of this. It was my grandfather's brother, and he died so close to the day that my grandfather did that it's just bringing back a whole spiral of memories for everyone, me included. The story of my great uncle is a tragic one. His own son had him sign a lawyer's document, giving him the power of attorney, and his son then literally took all of his money. All of it. My great uncle was in the hospital for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and had no idea that his son had robbed him blind until about a week before he died. Seeing someone go like that, with almost no dignity, just tears me apart.
Then there's Mike. Mike is a guy at my work that I just have this insane crush on, and he's beyond oblivious to it. BEYOND. I've never met a guy so totally out of tune, it's unbelievable. But he's gorgeous. So, so gorgeous. Smart too, a real nerd, getting dean's list in engineering physics. He, however, is busy ogling Cathy from copy centre to even realize I exist. Cathy is a great girl--she's hilarious and really nice, but also incredibly superficial. The girl owns 60 eyehadows from MAC, and you could swear she wears them all at the same time. You could tell that, underneath the 40lbs of make up, she's naturally really, really pretty. Except she's never without make up, you could spot her concealer from miles away. She's really nice, but it bothers me that Mike would fall for somebody really superficial like that. Somebody that is, honestly, the absolute opposite of who I am. Most of the time, I can't be fucked wearing make up. I can't get a brush through my hair. My nails are never properly painted.
Then there's Chris. That fucker. If I could personally remove some of the testosterone from his body, I would. With a steak knife. We talked the other day. You'll remember, Andrea had broken up with him some weeks ago, and he was all over me claiming that getting with her instead of me was the worst thing he ever did. he wanted me, he needed me, blah blah blah, he kissed another girl then got back with Andrea. Plain and simple--the guy is lying, cheating scum
But for some reason, I keep going back. He's back with Andrea now, and I've been hearing nothing but how great I am, and how much he wishes he was with me. In my world, it's real easy. You're not happy with something, you change it. You make it better. He could easily up and leave Andrea to be with me, but he won't because he's fucked up and twisted and a coward. And I hate that I'm thinking about him so much. Granted, I think about slapping his brains out, but he's still on my mind. And he shouldn't be.
So, Happy New years to everyone. I hope yours was better than mine, and I thank you all for putting up with my insanity/bullshit. Here are pictures, before the mayhem:
Don't ask about the white squares. Just don't :-P
Corky and I, who was just totally awesome yesterday night. She took care of me in a way that I don't particularly deserve.
But she loves me :)
Sam and I. Isn't she hot? I think she's like, the hottest girl ever. I told her I had a huge crush on her yesterday, because I do. She's mad-hot.
Corky had a house party last night. I'm not a big drinker, honestly. I hate the feeling of being drunk and dizzy and falling all over the place, so I might have a drink or two and that's it. It's rare that I even drink to begin with, the last time I went out was with Lis, during the summer. The club scene isn't my thing anymore.
So, instead of knocking back a glass of champagne at midnight, I was knocking back an entire bottle of white wine at 9 o'clock. Followed by some vodka. Followed by my head in a toilet before 11, followed by me feeling a lot better at midnight.
I don't know why I got so sloshed. I mean...okay, I guess I do. A lot has been going on lately that I haven't been able to put into words, so I haven't written about it. The series of events sort of struck me numb to the point where nothing came out, so I let it be. Instead of talking about it, I got hammered to the point of incoherency.
My great uncle died Christmas night. It's not heart wrenching, I wasn't very close to him, but it's heartbreaking to see my mom and my grandma go through all of this. It was my grandfather's brother, and he died so close to the day that my grandfather did that it's just bringing back a whole spiral of memories for everyone, me included. The story of my great uncle is a tragic one. His own son had him sign a lawyer's document, giving him the power of attorney, and his son then literally took all of his money. All of it. My great uncle was in the hospital for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and had no idea that his son had robbed him blind until about a week before he died. Seeing someone go like that, with almost no dignity, just tears me apart.
Then there's Mike. Mike is a guy at my work that I just have this insane crush on, and he's beyond oblivious to it. BEYOND. I've never met a guy so totally out of tune, it's unbelievable. But he's gorgeous. So, so gorgeous. Smart too, a real nerd, getting dean's list in engineering physics. He, however, is busy ogling Cathy from copy centre to even realize I exist. Cathy is a great girl--she's hilarious and really nice, but also incredibly superficial. The girl owns 60 eyehadows from MAC, and you could swear she wears them all at the same time. You could tell that, underneath the 40lbs of make up, she's naturally really, really pretty. Except she's never without make up, you could spot her concealer from miles away. She's really nice, but it bothers me that Mike would fall for somebody really superficial like that. Somebody that is, honestly, the absolute opposite of who I am. Most of the time, I can't be fucked wearing make up. I can't get a brush through my hair. My nails are never properly painted.
Then there's Chris. That fucker. If I could personally remove some of the testosterone from his body, I would. With a steak knife. We talked the other day. You'll remember, Andrea had broken up with him some weeks ago, and he was all over me claiming that getting with her instead of me was the worst thing he ever did. he wanted me, he needed me, blah blah blah, he kissed another girl then got back with Andrea. Plain and simple--the guy is lying, cheating scum
But for some reason, I keep going back. He's back with Andrea now, and I've been hearing nothing but how great I am, and how much he wishes he was with me. In my world, it's real easy. You're not happy with something, you change it. You make it better. He could easily up and leave Andrea to be with me, but he won't because he's fucked up and twisted and a coward. And I hate that I'm thinking about him so much. Granted, I think about slapping his brains out, but he's still on my mind. And he shouldn't be.
So, Happy New years to everyone. I hope yours was better than mine, and I thank you all for putting up with my insanity/bullshit. Here are pictures, before the mayhem:
Don't ask about the white squares. Just don't :-P
Corky and I, who was just totally awesome yesterday night. She took care of me in a way that I don't particularly deserve.
But she loves me :)
Sam and I. Isn't she hot? I think she's like, the hottest girl ever. I told her I had a huge crush on her yesterday, because I do. She's mad-hot.