(no subject)
Our little Hammy has been doing well on chemotherapy and a set of x-rays 6 weeks ago found no regrowth of his cancer (histiocytic sarcoma) in his chest or on his remaining lung. However, a little over a week ago we noticed that his left eye was a little red. We took him to see his vet the following day and after seing her, our oncologist, and a veterinary opthalmologist, it's pretty likely that the Hambone has a tumor in his eye.
It's apparently not for dogs to develop benign tumors in their eyes as they age, but with Zach's medical history, it's probably something more ominous. Since you can't biopsy a tumor of the eye, the only way to tell what's happening is to remove the eye and then do the biopsy. Hammy's eye is irritated and it's definitely bothering him, but he seems fine otherwise. He's ridiculous and silly, just like everything's all right. But he's not all right, and neither are Hector and I. We have an appointment in 2 hours for an opthalmic ultrasound that will hopefully tell us a little more about what the hell's going in in there. The likely outcome is that his eye will need to come out.
I'm sick about this. I know how well dogs can do without vision, blah blah blah, but this cancer will kill our baby -- we just don't know how or when. How many pieces of him can we take in the meantime? How much is too much? It's impossible to even think about this stuff without sounding whiny and melodramatic.
I keep telling myself that we'll know when enough is enough. I feel that pets have a way of letting us know when they're done. After living with my cat for 18 years I knew when it was her time. In my more rational moments I realize we know our dog well enough to know that we'll be well aware when he can't keep going, but it's impossible not to wonder whether our decisions are really made with his best interests in mind or whether we do what we do because life without him is an unbearable concept.
Those of you to whom I'm closest have already heard all of this so I have no idea what I'm looking for (if anything) in writing this all out to the rest of you. I could ask you to keep Hammy in your thoughts or to spend some extra time today with your own dog, or your neighbor's dog, or the dog tied up outside the coffee shop, but I'm selfish and sad, and I kind of don't care what you do because whatever it is, I know it won't fix my dog.
It's apparently not for dogs to develop benign tumors in their eyes as they age, but with Zach's medical history, it's probably something more ominous. Since you can't biopsy a tumor of the eye, the only way to tell what's happening is to remove the eye and then do the biopsy. Hammy's eye is irritated and it's definitely bothering him, but he seems fine otherwise. He's ridiculous and silly, just like everything's all right. But he's not all right, and neither are Hector and I. We have an appointment in 2 hours for an opthalmic ultrasound that will hopefully tell us a little more about what the hell's going in in there. The likely outcome is that his eye will need to come out.
I'm sick about this. I know how well dogs can do without vision, blah blah blah, but this cancer will kill our baby -- we just don't know how or when. How many pieces of him can we take in the meantime? How much is too much? It's impossible to even think about this stuff without sounding whiny and melodramatic.
I keep telling myself that we'll know when enough is enough. I feel that pets have a way of letting us know when they're done. After living with my cat for 18 years I knew when it was her time. In my more rational moments I realize we know our dog well enough to know that we'll be well aware when he can't keep going, but it's impossible not to wonder whether our decisions are really made with his best interests in mind or whether we do what we do because life without him is an unbearable concept.
Those of you to whom I'm closest have already heard all of this so I have no idea what I'm looking for (if anything) in writing this all out to the rest of you. I could ask you to keep Hammy in your thoughts or to spend some extra time today with your own dog, or your neighbor's dog, or the dog tied up outside the coffee shop, but I'm selfish and sad, and I kind of don't care what you do because whatever it is, I know it won't fix my dog.