Where is that rainbow that comes after the rain
I haven't been here since forever and I thought I would never be back but now.. I really do need an outlet to pen out my thoughts and to release all the emotions within me because it feels like I can explode any moment now.
I have been dreading this day the moment we ended it. I knew it would come eventually and I had a bad feeling it would come soon, but I never thought that the pain would be this intense.
A part of me had always wanted to believe that whatever we had was real, that you did value this relationship but the facts just have to slap me right in the face and scream at me at how all these had just been a complete fallacy. How can someone who was genuinely sad about something move on so damn quickly? I know that the gracious thing to do would be to give you and her my blessings.. but I just can't bring myself to do so. When you said you were much much happier with her now, it just killed me inside. Your nonchalance was like a thousand needles piercing through me. It hurt me so much but I could tell, it didn't affect you a single bit. It was like everything special that I thought existed between us wasn't real anymore; that you never did value us as much as I thought you did; that everything had just been one huge lie.
On some days I feel myself getting better but on some days.. that wave of pain just comes rushing back without any warning. I cried and cried the whole night and when I thought I was finally falling asleep from all that weariness, that very same pain jolted me back awake. I dreamt of how painful it would be to see them together during convocation.. especially when I always thought that my convocation would be with him. I dreamt of how it would be like to hear of them balloting for their new HDB flat.. how it would be like to hear of them getting engaged. I know I'm thinking too much and this sounds completely insane, but how do I stop thinking of all these when I had always believed that this happiness was going to be mine instead?
Everyone says I should forget about all these and move on, that I should look into the future and stop living in the past. I wished I could do so more than everyone else wants me to, but it's really easier said than done. I try and I try but I just can't seem to let go. I have never felt so much for anyone before and even though I wasn't that perfect girlfriend that he wanted me to be, I truly treasured our relationship and thought that we would last. I saw a future with him. Knowing that his heart left for someone else so soon after really, really broke me. Why did he give up on us so easily ):
Looking at me now, how am I ever going to get over all these, how am I ever going to be happy. Knowing that I am here suffering while they are so happy just makes me seem all the more pathetic. I really wished I were stronger than this. Maybe this is what they call "forever alone".
What doesn't kill you is supposed to make you stronger, but all I can feel is myself getting weaker instead. Where am I supposed to go from here?
I have been dreading this day the moment we ended it. I knew it would come eventually and I had a bad feeling it would come soon, but I never thought that the pain would be this intense.
A part of me had always wanted to believe that whatever we had was real, that you did value this relationship but the facts just have to slap me right in the face and scream at me at how all these had just been a complete fallacy. How can someone who was genuinely sad about something move on so damn quickly? I know that the gracious thing to do would be to give you and her my blessings.. but I just can't bring myself to do so. When you said you were much much happier with her now, it just killed me inside. Your nonchalance was like a thousand needles piercing through me. It hurt me so much but I could tell, it didn't affect you a single bit. It was like everything special that I thought existed between us wasn't real anymore; that you never did value us as much as I thought you did; that everything had just been one huge lie.
On some days I feel myself getting better but on some days.. that wave of pain just comes rushing back without any warning. I cried and cried the whole night and when I thought I was finally falling asleep from all that weariness, that very same pain jolted me back awake. I dreamt of how painful it would be to see them together during convocation.. especially when I always thought that my convocation would be with him. I dreamt of how it would be like to hear of them balloting for their new HDB flat.. how it would be like to hear of them getting engaged. I know I'm thinking too much and this sounds completely insane, but how do I stop thinking of all these when I had always believed that this happiness was going to be mine instead?
Everyone says I should forget about all these and move on, that I should look into the future and stop living in the past. I wished I could do so more than everyone else wants me to, but it's really easier said than done. I try and I try but I just can't seem to let go. I have never felt so much for anyone before and even though I wasn't that perfect girlfriend that he wanted me to be, I truly treasured our relationship and thought that we would last. I saw a future with him. Knowing that his heart left for someone else so soon after really, really broke me. Why did he give up on us so easily ):
Looking at me now, how am I ever going to get over all these, how am I ever going to be happy. Knowing that I am here suffering while they are so happy just makes me seem all the more pathetic. I really wished I were stronger than this. Maybe this is what they call "forever alone".
What doesn't kill you is supposed to make you stronger, but all I can feel is myself getting weaker instead. Where am I supposed to go from here?