You guys had a year's reprieve. I hope you enjoyed your freedom.
So. What do you think I was doing at 8PM on November 23rd?
Tick tock, y'all. Where was I on Sunday and where was my attention directed?
Was I watching 24: Redemption? Was I staring at the television screen with glistening eyes, clutching the edge of my seat as our badass hero ran escort missions across the fictional planes of Sangala, Africa to save troublesome children from the forces of evil?
NO. I WAS NOT.
I was tromping around my neighborhood with a flashlight and blurting out babytalk like, "Come here, girl! Who's a good girl? Who's the good girl who wants to wear her collar and follow me home? You are. Yes you aaare! OMG. Your owners will cut off my thumbs. Come back here! COMEBACKHERENOW."
Fun times trying to catch my neighbor's collarless 75 lb. dog is what I was having. That's right, everybody. Fun times in the dark trying to grab and collar a beast that nearly weighs as much as I do. I panicked, I freaked, I wanted to cry. Dog-sitting: clearly not a skill I should list on my resumé. It also made me miss the first 15 minutes of Redemption, so I'm kind of, you know, hating the job intensely right now.
I'll come again.
Let's try this in list format. Compare and contrast the following bits of information.
Bodily reaction while chasing dog:
nervous energy coursing through veins
rapid heartbeat
crazy eyes that did nothing to help bring dog back into orbit
grinding teeth
Bodily reaction while watching Redemption:
yawning
glancing at clock on DVR
And, okay, it wasn't bad for a television special event. There were moments when Jack had my full attention. Ex: Jack snapping the genocidal invader's neck with his thighs had me whooping along with the rest of them. I also greatly appreciate that our trigger happy ex-CTU agent still has the chutzpah to guerrilla warfare his way through a small platoon but is also troubled enough by such trivialities as being human that he can be restrained when rifle-butted to the ground. He must be losing his edge.
Thank God, writers, for reigning that superhuman invulnerability back in. It was getting increasingly incoherent and insane, like, how the man survived two years of torture in a Chinese prison camp without surrendering rational thought to Stockholm Syndrome or psychosis (read with a grain of salt) is beyond me. Damn, that shit was crazy. S6 was just crazy. S6 was NNNGH - FULL OF FUCKERY AND DISAPPOINTMENT I HATE IT SO.
Redemption? Not so much. But it seemed to fall victim to narrative lulls that rarely if ever cropped up in the show's early seasons. There was a lot of back story (necessary) and exposition (also necessary). I just wanted a few more live wire moments interspersed throughout to make it feel like coming home. Or maybe it was a more compelling story I wanted in general. The "SAVE AFRICAN CIVILIANS (CHILDREN!) FROM IMMINENT COUPS" storyline has been done so often it deserves its own genre. I mean, really. AFI, y'all need to get on that.
Tony Almeida coming back from the grave is up next. I am both intrigued and close to cracking from nervous tension. Come on, writers. I'm counting on you to lead the show to a memorable, respectable final season.
Tick tock, y'all. Where was I on Sunday and where was my attention directed?
Was I watching 24: Redemption? Was I staring at the television screen with glistening eyes, clutching the edge of my seat as our badass hero ran escort missions across the fictional planes of Sangala, Africa to save troublesome children from the forces of evil?
NO. I WAS NOT.
I was tromping around my neighborhood with a flashlight and blurting out babytalk like, "Come here, girl! Who's a good girl? Who's the good girl who wants to wear her collar and follow me home? You are. Yes you aaare! OMG. Your owners will cut off my thumbs. Come back here! COMEBACKHERENOW."
Fun times trying to catch my neighbor's collarless 75 lb. dog is what I was having. That's right, everybody. Fun times in the dark trying to grab and collar a beast that nearly weighs as much as I do. I panicked, I freaked, I wanted to cry. Dog-sitting: clearly not a skill I should list on my resumé. It also made me miss the first 15 minutes of Redemption, so I'm kind of, you know, hating the job intensely right now.
I'll come again.
Let's try this in list format. Compare and contrast the following bits of information.
Bodily reaction while chasing dog:
nervous energy coursing through veins
rapid heartbeat
crazy eyes that did nothing to help bring dog back into orbit
grinding teeth
Bodily reaction while watching Redemption:
yawning
glancing at clock on DVR
And, okay, it wasn't bad for a television special event. There were moments when Jack had my full attention. Ex: Jack snapping the genocidal invader's neck with his thighs had me whooping along with the rest of them. I also greatly appreciate that our trigger happy ex-CTU agent still has the chutzpah to guerrilla warfare his way through a small platoon but is also troubled enough by such trivialities as being human that he can be restrained when rifle-butted to the ground. He must be losing his edge.
Thank God, writers, for reigning that superhuman invulnerability back in. It was getting increasingly incoherent and insane, like, how the man survived two years of torture in a Chinese prison camp without surrendering rational thought to Stockholm Syndrome or psychosis (read with a grain of salt) is beyond me. Damn, that shit was crazy. S6 was just crazy. S6 was NNNGH - FULL OF FUCKERY AND DISAPPOINTMENT I HATE IT SO.
Redemption? Not so much. But it seemed to fall victim to narrative lulls that rarely if ever cropped up in the show's early seasons. There was a lot of back story (necessary) and exposition (also necessary). I just wanted a few more live wire moments interspersed throughout to make it feel like coming home. Or maybe it was a more compelling story I wanted in general. The "SAVE AFRICAN CIVILIANS (CHILDREN!) FROM IMMINENT COUPS" storyline has been done so often it deserves its own genre. I mean, really. AFI, y'all need to get on that.
Tony Almeida coming back from the grave is up next. I am both intrigued and close to cracking from nervous tension. Come on, writers. I'm counting on you to lead the show to a memorable, respectable final season.