a dream upon waking
I sometimes wish I had a video camera with which to do entries. I suppose that doesn't make alot of sense, seeing as it wouldn't be a vlog type thing, but more like scenes from a film. It would have music, and images. Right now I could get the rain outside the window with the rooftops & the trees. There are moments I go to write here, but there is nothing to write about, words can't convey a mood or a feeling. It would be easier with films of some kind.
It's a moment when you feel like the world is sleepy. The street is deserted, the schoolyard is empty, no sounds from outside but the quiet rain dropping. Thoughts rise and fall, overtake each other like swells on the sea, popping up for a short (or a long) while before others overtake them. It's a moment where I want to play piano, play guitar, but there isn't anything that would quite satisfy me.
As I swept the floor today in the vanishing daylight, I thought about how people are brought up to categorize. We're shown the signs, the features, know how to recognize and classify something based on its appearance, how it behaves. Often we know nothing beyond that. I know what basil is; I bought a small plant at the market on Saturday to pot. I know it's basil because of the shape and colour of the leaves, their location on the stems, the smell when I rub one between my finger and thumb. I know it's good in tomato sauce & to add it last because it's fresh. But, the little plant wilted within a day, and besides being able to say "you are basil", I can't do much for it. I don't know if it likes sun or shade, cold or hot, whether it needs watering daily, weekly, what kind of soil it thrives in. It's something simple that I can look up and learn in minutes, know how to tend it properly, and (hopefully) revive it before it's a lost cause.
Life is like this in many ways. You learn colours, shapes, equations, observe meters and clouds, people's expressions, the signals on their cars, the signs on the roads. We know what sweetness is to taste it, and we know what things are sweet. Beyond these identifying qualities, we generally know little about the things, the people we come across in our daily meanderings. I recognize when someone is upset; it doesn't always mean I know how to react. I can identify feelings and not know what they mean, or which ones to trust. We pay so much attention to identifying, classifying objects, people, characteristics of them. How often do we know what the next step is?
You meet someone special; you know they are. What do you then do? You go to school and learn things you weren't expecting to learn, so you can have a piece of paper that supposedly ensures your secure future; the piece of paper and everything behind it tells you nothing of what you should or should not do, what trade-offs are okay to make in order to stay in a comfortable place of employment, or how you will find this place. You are shown daily that you should be concerned with the number of lines on your face, the colour of your hair, skin, eyes, the intangible numbers on your bathroom scale, the smoothness of your skin, the dirt under your nails. You are identified, classified using these baseless pieces of information, as you too are expected to identify and classify. Having done this, how do you move forward? How are we not each standing still, just staring at the world, placing its life into arbitrary categories? How do we step out of this lifestyle?
I was like a scared little kid, didn't know what to do.
It's a moment when you feel like the world is sleepy. The street is deserted, the schoolyard is empty, no sounds from outside but the quiet rain dropping. Thoughts rise and fall, overtake each other like swells on the sea, popping up for a short (or a long) while before others overtake them. It's a moment where I want to play piano, play guitar, but there isn't anything that would quite satisfy me.
As I swept the floor today in the vanishing daylight, I thought about how people are brought up to categorize. We're shown the signs, the features, know how to recognize and classify something based on its appearance, how it behaves. Often we know nothing beyond that. I know what basil is; I bought a small plant at the market on Saturday to pot. I know it's basil because of the shape and colour of the leaves, their location on the stems, the smell when I rub one between my finger and thumb. I know it's good in tomato sauce & to add it last because it's fresh. But, the little plant wilted within a day, and besides being able to say "you are basil", I can't do much for it. I don't know if it likes sun or shade, cold or hot, whether it needs watering daily, weekly, what kind of soil it thrives in. It's something simple that I can look up and learn in minutes, know how to tend it properly, and (hopefully) revive it before it's a lost cause.
Life is like this in many ways. You learn colours, shapes, equations, observe meters and clouds, people's expressions, the signals on their cars, the signs on the roads. We know what sweetness is to taste it, and we know what things are sweet. Beyond these identifying qualities, we generally know little about the things, the people we come across in our daily meanderings. I recognize when someone is upset; it doesn't always mean I know how to react. I can identify feelings and not know what they mean, or which ones to trust. We pay so much attention to identifying, classifying objects, people, characteristics of them. How often do we know what the next step is?
You meet someone special; you know they are. What do you then do? You go to school and learn things you weren't expecting to learn, so you can have a piece of paper that supposedly ensures your secure future; the piece of paper and everything behind it tells you nothing of what you should or should not do, what trade-offs are okay to make in order to stay in a comfortable place of employment, or how you will find this place. You are shown daily that you should be concerned with the number of lines on your face, the colour of your hair, skin, eyes, the intangible numbers on your bathroom scale, the smoothness of your skin, the dirt under your nails. You are identified, classified using these baseless pieces of information, as you too are expected to identify and classify. Having done this, how do you move forward? How are we not each standing still, just staring at the world, placing its life into arbitrary categories? How do we step out of this lifestyle?
I was like a scared little kid, didn't know what to do.