How to Capture and Hold the Attention of the Discriminating Reader
The Purpose of this Essay is to guide and instruct the Novice Writer in the Noble Art of Elegant Composition. In publishing This Work, The Authors hope to Enlighten Aspiring Wordsmiths, and steer them away from Disheartening Mistakes. Herein is gathered a list of Best Practices gleaned from The Authors' considerable Stores Of Experience, presented now for Your Perusal.
Regarding Physical Descriptions
It is Not Necessary to describe the Appearance of Characters already familiar to Your Readers. Even when introducing New Characters, describe Their Appearances very sparingly. There are exceptions to This Rule. For example, the Personal Appearance of the titular character of the novel The Phantom of the Opera is Relevant To The Plot, and was therefore described in Considerable Detail by The Author.
Regarding Word Repetition
When you were a Wee Tad, Your English Teacher no doubt instructed you to Avoid Repetition and Vary Your Word Usage. Dear Reader, she was Quite Correct. However, she was not referring to Your Characters' Names. These, along with pronouns, are words that Cannot Be Overused. There is No Need to refer to Your Protagonist as "the bespectacled botanist" when his eyesight and profession are Not Germane to the context in which he is mentioned. It is, however, appropriate to use Descriptive Phrases in place of Your Characters' Handles if you are writing from the Point of View of someone who has not yet Been Introduced to them, or if you wish to Conceal Their Identity.
Regarding Your Characaters' Attire
People who are preoccupied with Their Clothing And Haberdashery are as dull in Fiction as they are in Fact. Discriminating Readers do not care what Your Characters are wearing, nor do they wish to be a Fly On The Wall when Your Characters go Shopping For Clothes, or Visit The Hair Salon. Your Characters' Attire is almost never relevant. No, not even when you wish to underscore the Love Interest's desire for Your Heroine by having him react dramatically to a Low Cut Dress. This, Dear Reader, is a Cheap Ploy which does not impress the Discriminating Reader.
Regarding Stories Centred Upon Wish Fulfillment
Your Personal Fantasies are not interesting to anyone other than Yourself. Those who Tell You Otherwise say so only to Be Polite.
Regarding Intimate Encounters
Use Economy and Discretion when describing a Tender Interlude between Your Hero and His Fair Lady (or His Fair Lad). However Ardent and Enthusiastic may be Their Passion, if you describe it with a similar degree of passion, Your Readers will be Entertained, but not in the way you Intended.
Regarding Words that Sound Alike
When Writing, be mindful of Homonyms and Use Them Correctly. Do not assume that the Discriminating Reader will forgive the use of "There" where "Their" is called for. Understand that "Thrown" cannot be used In Place Of "Throne." Similarly, "Threw" is No Substitute for "Through." A Writer who wishes to be Read must learn and accept that words are not Interchangeable, just because they Sound Alike.
Regarding Tense
Exercise Great Care to ensure that Your Writing does not dart between Past and Present Tense with Lively Abandon. Such Literary Scampering will exhaust the Discriminating Reader, causing him or her to Cease Reading.
Regarding Recumbent Posture
When one of Your Characters is sleepy, he may Lie upon a bed. In the event of his Untimely Demise, Your Character's Grieving Friends shall Lay him in his coffin, and Lay said coffin in the ground. If he was sleepy Yesterday, be assured that he Lay upon his bed Yesterday. If Yesterday was when he found his Eternal Repose, his Inconsolable Companions Laid him in the coffin then, and Laid the coffin in the ground. Had they not done this, His Remains would have become Most Offensive by Today. Almost as offensive, in fact, as the use of the word "Lay" where "Lie" is Correct.
Regarding Editing
Be your own Beta. Review and edit and polish Your Story until you feel that it is Perfect, and Does Not Need a Beta. Then, submit it to Your Beta.
Should Distracting Flaws remain in Your Story even after Your Beta has pronounced it Ready for Posting, consider enlisting the Services of a Second Beta with more of an Eye for Detail.
Regarding Readers' Responses
All who Write are proud of what they've Written, no matter how ill conceived Their Opinion is. The Discriminating Reader knows this and is therefore Not Fooled by False Modesty, or worse, Demands For Praise thinly disguised as Pleas For Sympathy And Reassurance. Therefore, Dear Reader, we encourage you - nay, we exhort you not to preface the installments of Your Masterpiece with such statements as "I no this suks, but plz r&r neway LOL." This practice is Most Repellent to the Discriminating Reader, who will flee from it as from the Ravening Beast. Above all, do not threaten to Cease Writing Your Story if you do not receive the volume of Feedback you desire. The Discriminating Reader will take you at Your Word, and be Most Dispeased if you fail to Keep Your Promise.
Be a Discriminating Reader Yourself. When you read A Story you find particularly touching, or witty, or exciting, or absorbing or clever, let The Author know how much you appreciate Her Work. Compliment her on Passages or Plot Points you particularly enjoyed, offer her Advice if you feel she Needs It and ask questions about aspects of The Story that pique Your Curiosity. Excellent Writers are often Discriminating Readers themselves. Chances are, they will wish to Know More about the reviewer that leaves them Meaningful Feedback, and will enjoy discussing Your Work with you.
And yet, Gentle Reader, know that there will always be Large Numbers of Discriminating Readers who read Your Story and yet do not offer Comment. Look not upon this Omission as a Dire Insult or Judgment, but understand that leaving Feedback is often a function of Outside Factors, such as Available Time or Frame of Mind. Endeavor to accept this fact and look upon each Comment as you would a Gift given without there being an Occasion for it, graciously thanking the Giver for making the effort.
If you follow These Guidelines, be assured that you will Reap The Rewards of a Loyal and Sophisticated Following who are ever eager to Discuss Literature and Writing with you, helping you Grow As a Writer even as they Perfect Their Own Craft.
By blade_girl and verilyverity
Regarding Physical Descriptions
It is Not Necessary to describe the Appearance of Characters already familiar to Your Readers. Even when introducing New Characters, describe Their Appearances very sparingly. There are exceptions to This Rule. For example, the Personal Appearance of the titular character of the novel The Phantom of the Opera is Relevant To The Plot, and was therefore described in Considerable Detail by The Author.
Regarding Word Repetition
When you were a Wee Tad, Your English Teacher no doubt instructed you to Avoid Repetition and Vary Your Word Usage. Dear Reader, she was Quite Correct. However, she was not referring to Your Characters' Names. These, along with pronouns, are words that Cannot Be Overused. There is No Need to refer to Your Protagonist as "the bespectacled botanist" when his eyesight and profession are Not Germane to the context in which he is mentioned. It is, however, appropriate to use Descriptive Phrases in place of Your Characters' Handles if you are writing from the Point of View of someone who has not yet Been Introduced to them, or if you wish to Conceal Their Identity.
Regarding Your Characaters' Attire
People who are preoccupied with Their Clothing And Haberdashery are as dull in Fiction as they are in Fact. Discriminating Readers do not care what Your Characters are wearing, nor do they wish to be a Fly On The Wall when Your Characters go Shopping For Clothes, or Visit The Hair Salon. Your Characters' Attire is almost never relevant. No, not even when you wish to underscore the Love Interest's desire for Your Heroine by having him react dramatically to a Low Cut Dress. This, Dear Reader, is a Cheap Ploy which does not impress the Discriminating Reader.
Regarding Stories Centred Upon Wish Fulfillment
Your Personal Fantasies are not interesting to anyone other than Yourself. Those who Tell You Otherwise say so only to Be Polite.
Regarding Intimate Encounters
Use Economy and Discretion when describing a Tender Interlude between Your Hero and His Fair Lady (or His Fair Lad). However Ardent and Enthusiastic may be Their Passion, if you describe it with a similar degree of passion, Your Readers will be Entertained, but not in the way you Intended.
Regarding Words that Sound Alike
When Writing, be mindful of Homonyms and Use Them Correctly. Do not assume that the Discriminating Reader will forgive the use of "There" where "Their" is called for. Understand that "Thrown" cannot be used In Place Of "Throne." Similarly, "Threw" is No Substitute for "Through." A Writer who wishes to be Read must learn and accept that words are not Interchangeable, just because they Sound Alike.
Regarding Tense
Exercise Great Care to ensure that Your Writing does not dart between Past and Present Tense with Lively Abandon. Such Literary Scampering will exhaust the Discriminating Reader, causing him or her to Cease Reading.
Regarding Recumbent Posture
When one of Your Characters is sleepy, he may Lie upon a bed. In the event of his Untimely Demise, Your Character's Grieving Friends shall Lay him in his coffin, and Lay said coffin in the ground. If he was sleepy Yesterday, be assured that he Lay upon his bed Yesterday. If Yesterday was when he found his Eternal Repose, his Inconsolable Companions Laid him in the coffin then, and Laid the coffin in the ground. Had they not done this, His Remains would have become Most Offensive by Today. Almost as offensive, in fact, as the use of the word "Lay" where "Lie" is Correct.
Regarding Editing
Be your own Beta. Review and edit and polish Your Story until you feel that it is Perfect, and Does Not Need a Beta. Then, submit it to Your Beta.
Should Distracting Flaws remain in Your Story even after Your Beta has pronounced it Ready for Posting, consider enlisting the Services of a Second Beta with more of an Eye for Detail.
Regarding Readers' Responses
All who Write are proud of what they've Written, no matter how ill conceived Their Opinion is. The Discriminating Reader knows this and is therefore Not Fooled by False Modesty, or worse, Demands For Praise thinly disguised as Pleas For Sympathy And Reassurance. Therefore, Dear Reader, we encourage you - nay, we exhort you not to preface the installments of Your Masterpiece with such statements as "I no this suks, but plz r&r neway LOL." This practice is Most Repellent to the Discriminating Reader, who will flee from it as from the Ravening Beast. Above all, do not threaten to Cease Writing Your Story if you do not receive the volume of Feedback you desire. The Discriminating Reader will take you at Your Word, and be Most Dispeased if you fail to Keep Your Promise.
Be a Discriminating Reader Yourself. When you read A Story you find particularly touching, or witty, or exciting, or absorbing or clever, let The Author know how much you appreciate Her Work. Compliment her on Passages or Plot Points you particularly enjoyed, offer her Advice if you feel she Needs It and ask questions about aspects of The Story that pique Your Curiosity. Excellent Writers are often Discriminating Readers themselves. Chances are, they will wish to Know More about the reviewer that leaves them Meaningful Feedback, and will enjoy discussing Your Work with you.
And yet, Gentle Reader, know that there will always be Large Numbers of Discriminating Readers who read Your Story and yet do not offer Comment. Look not upon this Omission as a Dire Insult or Judgment, but understand that leaving Feedback is often a function of Outside Factors, such as Available Time or Frame of Mind. Endeavor to accept this fact and look upon each Comment as you would a Gift given without there being an Occasion for it, graciously thanking the Giver for making the effort.
If you follow These Guidelines, be assured that you will Reap The Rewards of a Loyal and Sophisticated Following who are ever eager to Discuss Literature and Writing with you, helping you Grow As a Writer even as they Perfect Their Own Craft.
By blade_girl and verilyverity